My tentative hello...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 344
My tentative hello...
Well, I can't believe I'm here. Took me some time to get up the nerve just to create a username and post here, even though I've been lurking for some time.
I guess a little background on myself... I'm 36 and I guess I would be considered a binge drinker? I don't binge for days, but I have a very hard time stopping myself once I start drinking. I've made an ass out of myself more times than I care to remember. It didn't seem as bad in my 20s, as that's what people seemed to do then. You drink, you get drunk, you have a hangover. Except I didn't leave it in my 20s, I've carried it into my 30s.
I've told my H multiple times that I want to stop drinking. I know he means well (he's a normal drinker), but he's not supportive in that he doesn't think I have a problem. I'm not physically addicted, I don't have withdrawals, I don't drink every day... so in his book I don't have a problem. A few times he's made comments to me that I don't have to drink it all at once (like if he buys me a 4-pack of cider and I kill all 4 in one night). I can't seem to make him understand that I'm not good at stopping once I start. So that's why I'm here. After numerous failed attempts at moderating, the truth is... I can't drink. Not normally. Once I get a drink or two in me, I just want to keep going.
So, hello! I had 3 beers last night (H brought home a 6 pack and we split it), so I today is day 1 for me. I'll probably go join on on the May 2015 thread.
I guess a little background on myself... I'm 36 and I guess I would be considered a binge drinker? I don't binge for days, but I have a very hard time stopping myself once I start drinking. I've made an ass out of myself more times than I care to remember. It didn't seem as bad in my 20s, as that's what people seemed to do then. You drink, you get drunk, you have a hangover. Except I didn't leave it in my 20s, I've carried it into my 30s.
I've told my H multiple times that I want to stop drinking. I know he means well (he's a normal drinker), but he's not supportive in that he doesn't think I have a problem. I'm not physically addicted, I don't have withdrawals, I don't drink every day... so in his book I don't have a problem. A few times he's made comments to me that I don't have to drink it all at once (like if he buys me a 4-pack of cider and I kill all 4 in one night). I can't seem to make him understand that I'm not good at stopping once I start. So that's why I'm here. After numerous failed attempts at moderating, the truth is... I can't drink. Not normally. Once I get a drink or two in me, I just want to keep going.
So, hello! I had 3 beers last night (H brought home a 6 pack and we split it), so I today is day 1 for me. I'll probably go join on on the May 2015 thread.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome!
It's not really important that you make your husband understand alcoholism. It's very common that people who are not addicts simply don't get it.
If you want to stop drinking, you've come to a great place for support and information. Do you have a plan?
It's not really important that you make your husband understand alcoholism. It's very common that people who are not addicts simply don't get it.
If you want to stop drinking, you've come to a great place for support and information. Do you have a plan?
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 89
Hi DariaM
I am exactly the same as you...I actually could have wrote that post myself!! My partner was very much the same as your husband...didn't think I had a problem...just told me to take it easy, enjoy a few drinks and stop when once I feel myself getting lost....yeh right..as if that would ever work. So after my drunk self doing something very horrific my partner accepted I had a problem and agreed I had to stop before I destroy everything about me. Anyway I hope you get the support you need here and you continue to have many more sober days! Well done for signing up 😀👍
I am exactly the same as you...I actually could have wrote that post myself!! My partner was very much the same as your husband...didn't think I had a problem...just told me to take it easy, enjoy a few drinks and stop when once I feel myself getting lost....yeh right..as if that would ever work. So after my drunk self doing something very horrific my partner accepted I had a problem and agreed I had to stop before I destroy everything about me. Anyway I hope you get the support you need here and you continue to have many more sober days! Well done for signing up 😀👍
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 344
I guess my current plan, as of now is:
1.) Don't drink! - profound, right?! lol
2.) Post here regularly, as clearly reading/lurking only didn't really provide me with the support I needed to stick with not drinking
3.) I can drink all of the soda my little heart desires at this point, because at least it's not alcohol. I was a soda junkie who weaned herself off of it, and then started drinking more alcohol. Brilliant plan, right?! I've been drinking more soda again recently, so if that's what I need to get through not drinking for now, then that's OK.
4.) When people offer me drinks or ask why I'm not drinking, and I'm sure they will, I'm just going to tell them I don't drink anymore. If they push as to why, I'm not sure if I'm going to say it bothers my stomach? I've had some GI issues the last 4-5 years, including GERD, and I'm sure the alcohol plays a part in all of that even though my bloodwork has been normal. I never had these health issues until my drinking escalated. But I'm hoping people will just accept the "I don't drink anymore" and leave it at that. I'm not really wanting to go around broadcasting that I'm an alcoholic, ya know? At least, I'm not there mentally yet. I can barely admit it to myself.
5.) I think I really just need to focus on one day at a time. When I think about NEVER drinking again... it seems like such a daunting task.
Does that seem like a reasonable plan?
1.) Don't drink! - profound, right?! lol
2.) Post here regularly, as clearly reading/lurking only didn't really provide me with the support I needed to stick with not drinking
3.) I can drink all of the soda my little heart desires at this point, because at least it's not alcohol. I was a soda junkie who weaned herself off of it, and then started drinking more alcohol. Brilliant plan, right?! I've been drinking more soda again recently, so if that's what I need to get through not drinking for now, then that's OK.
4.) When people offer me drinks or ask why I'm not drinking, and I'm sure they will, I'm just going to tell them I don't drink anymore. If they push as to why, I'm not sure if I'm going to say it bothers my stomach? I've had some GI issues the last 4-5 years, including GERD, and I'm sure the alcohol plays a part in all of that even though my bloodwork has been normal. I never had these health issues until my drinking escalated. But I'm hoping people will just accept the "I don't drink anymore" and leave it at that. I'm not really wanting to go around broadcasting that I'm an alcoholic, ya know? At least, I'm not there mentally yet. I can barely admit it to myself.
5.) I think I really just need to focus on one day at a time. When I think about NEVER drinking again... it seems like such a daunting task.
Does that seem like a reasonable plan?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Hi, Daria. You will receive a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here. I know I have.
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.
Welcome to the SR family. I am glad you are here with us.
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.
Welcome to the SR family. I am glad you are here with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 344
Originally Posted by Lennox 
Hi DariaM
I am exactly the same as you...I actually could have wrote that post myself!! My partner was very much the same as your husband...didn't think I had a problem...just told me to take it easy, enjoy a few drinks and stop when once I feel myself getting lost....yeh right..as if that would ever work. So after my drunk self doing something very horrific my partner accepted I had a problem and agreed I had to stop before I destroy everything about me. Anyway I hope you get the support you need here and you continue to have many more sober days! Well done for signing up 😀👍
I am exactly the same as you...I actually could have wrote that post myself!! My partner was very much the same as your husband...didn't think I had a problem...just told me to take it easy, enjoy a few drinks and stop when once I feel myself getting lost....yeh right..as if that would ever work. So after my drunk self doing something very horrific my partner accepted I had a problem and agreed I had to stop before I destroy everything about me. Anyway I hope you get the support you need here and you continue to have many more sober days! Well done for signing up 😀👍
How long have you been sober now? Have people have asked why you're no longer drinking? I'm most worried about explaining to people why I'm no longer drinking. But then maybe they're not going to care as much as I think they will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Welcome!
My experience was that by my 40's - the same sort of pattern you described had gone rapidly downhill to much worse and more frequent binges, with a lot more daily drinking in between.
It accelerates fast when it hits a certain stage and certain life circumstances.
The hard part is that when its at a stage that it's kind of easy to tell yourself 'well, it's not THAT bad...' - it is super hard to motivate oneself to choose sobriety.....
The terrible paradox is that by the time we are finally convinced and motivated - we have become so ensnared that motivation and desire are not enough.
Anyway, long story short I hope you choose sobriety now, while you still have the ability to do so with relatively less struggle than you are likely to encounter if you continue on down the depths...
My experience was that by my 40's - the same sort of pattern you described had gone rapidly downhill to much worse and more frequent binges, with a lot more daily drinking in between.
It accelerates fast when it hits a certain stage and certain life circumstances.
The hard part is that when its at a stage that it's kind of easy to tell yourself 'well, it's not THAT bad...' - it is super hard to motivate oneself to choose sobriety.....
The terrible paradox is that by the time we are finally convinced and motivated - we have become so ensnared that motivation and desire are not enough.
Anyway, long story short I hope you choose sobriety now, while you still have the ability to do so with relatively less struggle than you are likely to encounter if you continue on down the depths...
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Seattle
Posts: 7
I've used I'm "working out tonight" -- this one works pretty well. Doesn't really work for Saturday night.
I've also used an ambiguous "health thing" or trying to lose a few lbs so not drinking.
Or I'm "taking a break" from alcohol. Most people aren't nosey into the why. Surprisingly, a lot of other people I encounter in my job respond to that one that they have done that too or are trying to cut back themselves
I've also used an ambiguous "health thing" or trying to lose a few lbs so not drinking.
Or I'm "taking a break" from alcohol. Most people aren't nosey into the why. Surprisingly, a lot of other people I encounter in my job respond to that one that they have done that too or are trying to cut back themselves
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Daria, welcome to posting! I think, in general, people will not care as much as you think they will, if you're not drinking. When I quit I felt like I had a giant neon sign on my head that was flashing "I've got a drinking problem so I can't drink!!!". In reality, in addition to " can't " drink normally, I choose not to drink. No one has ever asked. But if they did and were persistent, my answer would be "why do you need to know?". It's not their business.
I don't think normal drinkers ever fully understand not being able to stop at one. They pepper you with " just this once, surely! It's a wedding, funeral, anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc etc". Just one never worked for me and it sounds like it isn't working for you.
Your plan is a good start. You will probably find yourself tweaking it as you go along. Hang here. Post early and often.
I don't think normal drinkers ever fully understand not being able to stop at one. They pepper you with " just this once, surely! It's a wedding, funeral, anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc etc". Just one never worked for me and it sounds like it isn't working for you.
Your plan is a good start. You will probably find yourself tweaking it as you go along. Hang here. Post early and often.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 344
Originally Posted by Ruby2
Daria, welcome to posting! I think, in general, people will not care as much as you think they will, if you're not drinking. When I quit I felt like I had a giant neon sign on my head that was flashing "I've got a drinking problem so I can't drink!!!". In reality, in addition to " can't " drink normally, I choose not to drink. No one has ever asked. But if they did and were persistent, my answer would be "why do you need to know?". It's not their business.
I don't think normal drinkers ever fully understand not being able to stop at one. They pepper you with " just this once, surely! It's a wedding, funeral, anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc etc". Just one never worked for me and it sounds like it isn't working for you.
Your plan is a good start. You will probably find yourself tweaking it as you go along. Hang here. Post early and often.
I don't think normal drinkers ever fully understand not being able to stop at one. They pepper you with " just this once, surely! It's a wedding, funeral, anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc etc". Just one never worked for me and it sounds like it isn't working for you.
Your plan is a good start. You will probably find yourself tweaking it as you go along. Hang here. Post early and often.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by DariaM
I hope you don't mind me asking you all of this, but...
How long have you been sober now? Have people have asked why you're no longer drinking? I'm most worried about explaining to people why I'm no longer drinking. But then maybe they're not going to care as much as I think they will.
How long have you been sober now? Have people have asked why you're no longer drinking? I'm most worried about explaining to people why I'm no longer drinking. But then maybe they're not going to care as much as I think they will.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome - glad you're no longer a lurker
My partner doesn't think I'm an alcoholic either. Neither does my best friend. In fact none of the people who drink like I used to... hmmm.
Never mind - at least they aren't actively encouraging us to drink.
(Big Daria fan here by the way).
My partner doesn't think I'm an alcoholic either. Neither does my best friend. In fact none of the people who drink like I used to... hmmm.
Never mind - at least they aren't actively encouraging us to drink. (Big Daria fan here by the way).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Daria, I think you'll be surprised that many folks will respect your decision not to drink. I don't think you need to spend a lot of time trying to come up with some elaborate, clever excuse. A simple "no thanks" or "not tonight" usually does the trick.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
