animalnurse9

Hi all, haven't posted in ages. Just need to get some stuff off my chest.
I've been doing really well but relapsed last week and last night again. I don't know what's going on. I just moved house and thngs are looking up and like I was on auto pilot i m grabbing my keys and heading off to buy booze. Its like feelings of happiness actually trigger it, seems like I can't even cope with the feeling of being happy. I was finding coming on here and going to the spiritualist church was working really well for me, but I haven't been to church in a few weeks because of the move.
I havent told anyone I've relapsed cos I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Although I've talked to a couple of ppl on Facebook while off my face and said some REALLY stupid things so I guess they suspect. Stupid social media 😒
The other thing that's bothering me is I was at the Dr a few weeks ago and having bloods done just as a routine check and my ALT levels were a bit high for the second time in a row. He's not a great doctor, so he just text me and said everything was normal. But I requested a copy of them just to b nosey and saw that result. Bit annoyed that he hasn't mentioned it. I'm going to change drs, but its playing on my mind a bit.
Anyways just wanted to vent to people who may understand where I'm coming from. Feel kinda low. Thanks for reading!

greens

I can completely understand when you say you can't cope with feeling happy. Any big feeling can be overwhelming. Posting here seems like a great step in taking care of yourself and being accountable

Dee74

Hi animalnurse

I'm glad you're back -you seem to do better when you're on SR.

D

animalnurse9

Hi D 😀

I know I do better when I'm here, I don't know why I let that lapse 😐

animalnurse9

Hi Greens, it seems a funny thing to drink when u feel happy, but seems I'm almost scared to feel anything at all sometimes. Or maybe its just any excuse 😜

Alynn

Glad you are back!

animalnurse9

Thanks Alynn

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Animalnurse!!

ElleDee

You're not perfect. None of us are. Don't beat yourself up over it!
I've resigned myself to the idea that I'm going to do my best to stay sober. If I slip... and hopefully I won't... well then, I'll get up and get back on track. But I'm not going to keep beating myself up for mistakes. It's not worth it. What's done is done and you can't go back and change it. Move on and don't look back.,

Kaneda8888

Hey AN

You just moved house which is a major shift. Also, you've been a bit out of rhythm as you missed going to church. So, it seems like your programme was out of sync for a little while. I think that might have contributed to the slip as well.

Get back on the programme and look forward, not back. Learn from that slip and you'll be stronger for it. Dee is right in that stay a bit closer to SR as well

Hawkeye13

Good to see you back AN

I agree with others--just jump back on the wagon and refocus on your church
and getting on here and posting / reading, especially when you're feeling a bit tempted.

Sober time builds on itself and it sounds like you've got some built up, so let it work for you and keep adding to the days--compound interest of sobriety, as it were

How's your dogs?

damascus1986

HI animal nurse. I think its great that your coming on here its really important to talk about what ur feeling and what ur facing, Where i come from the say ' pain shared is pain lessened"
it seems to be true at leats for me it is.
for me really important to stay connected to others in recovery and be able to talk to them when my disease is getting at me glad your here hope we can all help eachother.

GroundhogDay

Welcome back! I often used alcohol to celebrate. Or when I was tense after a long work day. Never when I was sad or unhappy.

FreeOwl

Review, revise, redouble!!

Sobriety often takes some learning and growth.

Welcome back.

animalnurse9

Thanks for the welcome and advice guys. Sometimes I feel like I've got the theory of sobriety down pat but the fail the practicals 😒 I'm feeling OK today, just going one day at a time again.

Hawkeye my dogs are just wonderful 😊 forcing me to run and keep going. Have a newish addition, a little very poorly bred rescue dog, a teacup Maltese called Stewie ( family guy anyone? 😉 ). Thanks for asking, hope you are all well

ccam1973

Animalnurse, welcome back. Like Dee said, sounds like you do better when you are involved with SR. I'm the same way. My last relapse in May of last year was because i let my guard down and was spending less and less time here.

Great job on coming back to the place that helped you succeed in the first place.

You know how to do this, stay strong!

animalnurse9

Thanks, yeah so true, I need to stick around here instead of lurking on Facebook ( the root of all evil).I'm reading through the threads now, so many 'ah' moments.

JaneLane

That auto pilot feeling is so frustrating! I'm trying to learn how to be mindful enough to catch the thought pattern and address it before it gets too far.

I'm glad you are here and don't be hard on yourself. It's a new day and we're all in this together :-)

damascus1986

ahhahha family guy yes!
i just deleted fb yesterday im going through my own sort of mental withdrawl
I try to remember that once i think i have it beat thats when im starting to slip.
The book says something like "cockyness is a red light indicator" I know i have to be really careful about that ive seen people with more time then me go out and never make it back.
One of the other quotes i really like is "If its not practical its not spiritual" i try to apply that one often

CaseyW

Welcome back animalnurse! I'm still in very early recovery myself, looking forward to getting to know you better.

I deleted my Facebook last week. It's been the second best decision I've made in the last 12 days. All that time I was wasting on there I'm now spending on here. Only it doesn't seem like such a waste in this case.