Just joined and going cold turkey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: little elm, tx
Posts: 23
Just joined and going cold turkey
Hello new friends. I have just put the bottle down after a pretty heavy bender. I have self detoxed a lot, probably 100 times or more. Been drinking for 20 years.
Since I have never had DT's or a seizure, or hallucinations, I am finally going to do this for the last time. By myself. red faced with a racing pulse that has never failed me the past 20 years. I will join AA and get a sponsor, be honest with my current counselor. I have wasted half of my life with this demon, so I am going to go ahead and win the war. Then, in 72 hours, I will start the progress.
This is the last 2-3 day stretch of shakes and sweats and anxiety that I will experience in my life because of withdrawal. Hello liver food and living life right. I know I will feel like ****, and that is an understatement, until about Wednesday night. Then I will have the strength and clear headidness to call my Mom.
Wish me luck, if I start to seize, I will call 911. But since it has never happened, then I am going alone.
I now toss that last tiny wine box away. 9:25 pm Central, 5/17/15- Birthday!
Since I have never had DT's or a seizure, or hallucinations, I am finally going to do this for the last time. By myself. red faced with a racing pulse that has never failed me the past 20 years. I will join AA and get a sponsor, be honest with my current counselor. I have wasted half of my life with this demon, so I am going to go ahead and win the war. Then, in 72 hours, I will start the progress.
This is the last 2-3 day stretch of shakes and sweats and anxiety that I will experience in my life because of withdrawal. Hello liver food and living life right. I know I will feel like ****, and that is an understatement, until about Wednesday night. Then I will have the strength and clear headidness to call my Mom.
Wish me luck, if I start to seize, I will call 911. But since it has never happened, then I am going alone.
I now toss that last tiny wine box away. 9:25 pm Central, 5/17/15- Birthday!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR and glad to hear you have made a decision to quit for good. Also glad to hear you will call for help if you need it, is there anyone else living with you that you can inform too just as a precaution? Subsequent WDs can be worse than before....just want to make sure you stay safe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: little elm, tx
Posts: 23
no one here but me. This will be the last time and I know it will be a monster. I am flooding myself with Bcomplex, multis, and some healthy veggies. Am drinking water and apple juice. After 100 self detoxes, I have never seized or got the T's. I believe that this 101 will be tougher than the rest, but still work out.
This is the last one. I look forward to the sweats and shakes. I look forward to a world of hell, but this is the last time I am going there. I am choosing sobriety. I tried tapering.. didn't work.
This is the last one. I look forward to the sweats and shakes. I look forward to a world of hell, but this is the last time I am going there. I am choosing sobriety. I tried tapering.. didn't work.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
No disrespect; just cause a seizure hasn't happened, doesn't mean it won't ... I say this out of fear for you & knowing when I had mine (12yrs) it was the first after many self detoxes.
I have not posted much advice but I do strongly suggest letting someone know .. Welcome & good luck ..
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
I have not posted much advice but I do strongly suggest letting someone know .. Welcome & good luck ..
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, fellow Texan! (I had to look up where Little Elm is, had never heard of it before but I've never been a big Metroplex kinda guy.) I'm just ending day 10 myself. Hands still definitely have a little tremor to them.
Please check in often as possible. Everyone that has posted is right in their concern for you. Wishing you the best and looking forward to getting to know you better.
Please check in often as possible. Everyone that has posted is right in their concern for you. Wishing you the best and looking forward to getting to know you better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: little elm, tx
Posts: 23
Hi New Friends,
I thought I would check in. I tend to measure these detox's in hours, then days. It is the end of my first sober day.
I went to sleep at 10P and woke at 2:30A- Ahh the insomnia. I paced and panicked and would go into one room forgetting why I went there. I laid down with my best friend, my little deskfan/heater. I put it on my chest almost until the sun came up.
It started with me saying no to the triggers. Now I am going to reveal some things that illustrate how powerful this alcohol had on me. I was a total out of control disaster, and a complete dangerous monster. I am glad to be the new me.
Trigger one, on my morning commute I would get one of those little wine boxes, with about 3 drinks or so in it. I drove by the convenience store and felt the usual AV. I went in, went straight to the powerade, and got a pack of cigs. It was strong and I felt empowered to have overcome.
You see, my usual routine was to drink that on my commute, through a school zone, and sit in the office parking lot in my car and catch a buzz before going in. I had already told my boss and coworkers that I drink 1 glass of red wine in the morning when I get off the treadmill, drs orders. What a liar. But that way if they ever smelled it, I could have an excuse already prepared.
I was operating at 1/3 of my normal buzzed capacity at work. Moving real slow. red face, which I pre-explained that I went to the lake over the weekend. I had some tremble in my hands. A few sweats. But by days end I was operating at half speed. I kept the fan on me to help with some sweats.
Trigger two- I used to get a 3winer and sit in my car in the parking lot, replacing my morning buzz so that I can make it through the afternoon. I would disguise my breath with a v8 I wold bring in. Sometimes I would eat fast food, but not often. Like I said, my head was slightly clearer by the end of the day (hour 19)
Commuting home, I used to pick a 3winer and drink it at a boatramp before coming home to my wife and kids. Then sometimes fighting would happen. She is gone now, hopefully just temporarily, as this is the last straw before we agree I go to inpatient rehab for 30 days. Ain't gonna happen. Anyways, I drove by the convenience store, felt the trigger, and smiled as I passed it to come home.
I came home and took a milk thistle and Bcomplex and made myself two Nutriblasts (fruits and veggies shake). I am off of carbs for now and am going fruits, veggies, fish, and yogurt. Gonna flush my liver and give it some rest.
I'll mention that I thought I had some peripheral neuropathy because of a numb yet tingly sensation in my right forearm. It is gone now.
I am quitting smoking. I have 3 more and am stocked on nicotine gum. For the first time ever (i've been chewing it for years) I am going to follow the instructions. I am saving one cigarrette for when I wake up, one last morning buzz. I am off caffeine (who can drink coffee with insomnia monster lurking).
my current symptoms at this 25th hour:
no headache
some anxiety
still a red face with leathery skin
was able to completely focus in my writing this. Mind is operating at around 60% because of the brainmist
barely noticeable tremor
no nausea- I never get that
50% appetite- I am still forcing myself to eat. The major hunger usually doesn't hit me until hour 48 or later.
So I see some improvement from morning to night. Who knows how I will feel in the morning. It will be another anxious day, but might be operating at 60 percent capacity.
Still resolved. I have had my last drop. I plan on going to an AA meeting tomorrow during my lunch hour.
It feels good not to be a constant liar to try to cover my tracks. I have lied to everyone and I feel so bad about it. worthless human i was.
I thought I would check in. I tend to measure these detox's in hours, then days. It is the end of my first sober day.
I went to sleep at 10P and woke at 2:30A- Ahh the insomnia. I paced and panicked and would go into one room forgetting why I went there. I laid down with my best friend, my little deskfan/heater. I put it on my chest almost until the sun came up.
It started with me saying no to the triggers. Now I am going to reveal some things that illustrate how powerful this alcohol had on me. I was a total out of control disaster, and a complete dangerous monster. I am glad to be the new me.
Trigger one, on my morning commute I would get one of those little wine boxes, with about 3 drinks or so in it. I drove by the convenience store and felt the usual AV. I went in, went straight to the powerade, and got a pack of cigs. It was strong and I felt empowered to have overcome.
You see, my usual routine was to drink that on my commute, through a school zone, and sit in the office parking lot in my car and catch a buzz before going in. I had already told my boss and coworkers that I drink 1 glass of red wine in the morning when I get off the treadmill, drs orders. What a liar. But that way if they ever smelled it, I could have an excuse already prepared.
I was operating at 1/3 of my normal buzzed capacity at work. Moving real slow. red face, which I pre-explained that I went to the lake over the weekend. I had some tremble in my hands. A few sweats. But by days end I was operating at half speed. I kept the fan on me to help with some sweats.
Trigger two- I used to get a 3winer and sit in my car in the parking lot, replacing my morning buzz so that I can make it through the afternoon. I would disguise my breath with a v8 I wold bring in. Sometimes I would eat fast food, but not often. Like I said, my head was slightly clearer by the end of the day (hour 19)
Commuting home, I used to pick a 3winer and drink it at a boatramp before coming home to my wife and kids. Then sometimes fighting would happen. She is gone now, hopefully just temporarily, as this is the last straw before we agree I go to inpatient rehab for 30 days. Ain't gonna happen. Anyways, I drove by the convenience store, felt the trigger, and smiled as I passed it to come home.
I came home and took a milk thistle and Bcomplex and made myself two Nutriblasts (fruits and veggies shake). I am off of carbs for now and am going fruits, veggies, fish, and yogurt. Gonna flush my liver and give it some rest.
I'll mention that I thought I had some peripheral neuropathy because of a numb yet tingly sensation in my right forearm. It is gone now.
I am quitting smoking. I have 3 more and am stocked on nicotine gum. For the first time ever (i've been chewing it for years) I am going to follow the instructions. I am saving one cigarrette for when I wake up, one last morning buzz. I am off caffeine (who can drink coffee with insomnia monster lurking).
my current symptoms at this 25th hour:
no headache
some anxiety
still a red face with leathery skin
was able to completely focus in my writing this. Mind is operating at around 60% because of the brainmist
barely noticeable tremor
no nausea- I never get that
50% appetite- I am still forcing myself to eat. The major hunger usually doesn't hit me until hour 48 or later.
So I see some improvement from morning to night. Who knows how I will feel in the morning. It will be another anxious day, but might be operating at 60 percent capacity.
Still resolved. I have had my last drop. I plan on going to an AA meeting tomorrow during my lunch hour.
It feels good not to be a constant liar to try to cover my tracks. I have lied to everyone and I feel so bad about it. worthless human i was.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Originally Posted by littleelm 
Thank you Casey. I can't wait to day ten. I usually lose the tremors by about day 5. What part of the state are you in?
Glad you checked back in today. Definitely identify with "It feels good not to be a constant liar to try to cover my tracks." So much of my time has been wasted on stupid lies over the years. It's an exhausting way to live.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: little elm, tx
Posts: 23
Hey all. Here is tonights update. I am in the 47th hour.
I slept maybe 4 or 5 hours. I fell asleep on the floor with my deskfan blowing on my face. I wanted to sleep on the floor. Its a bit of a comfort spot for me. I woke at about 2 o'clock in a cold sweat and that frozen buzzing feeling, then a bit of a pinch in my leg. I tried to ignore it then it really stung for a second. It felt like my leg was laying on a bee. I leapt up and saw a little weird flat beetle. I thought, Oh ****, I am hallucinating! But sure enough it was real. I made it to my bed.
Still no appetite. That will probably start coming tomorrow.
I was slow and spacey and staring at my computer screen until 2pm. Then I sharpened to maybe 60% of what I can do. I went to jamba juice to get some green smoothies. I am sure my liver is loving the fruits and vegetables I am giving it during its rest.
Some anxiety at work but it was tolerable. No panics. I was fatigued until I had my jamba juice. No wonder!
After work, I had some errands to run. I went to the mall. cold sweats at the mall. I still have red face and dull eyes. Eyelids are swollen still.
So I am going to make a blueberry and green pea smoothie and have some steamed flounder. I'll take another Bcomplex and a milk thistle. I wonder how I will sleep.
I have an extremely slight tremble in my fingers. Noticeable, but not bad. I felt some triggers again as I went to the convenience store for gatorade, but I managed them fine.
I do not fear any DT's. I think I would be feeling a lot worse than I am now. Anyways, thank you for your support. I think in another 2 days the red color in my face will go away.
Thank you for your support. I always like reading your comments.
I slept maybe 4 or 5 hours. I fell asleep on the floor with my deskfan blowing on my face. I wanted to sleep on the floor. Its a bit of a comfort spot for me. I woke at about 2 o'clock in a cold sweat and that frozen buzzing feeling, then a bit of a pinch in my leg. I tried to ignore it then it really stung for a second. It felt like my leg was laying on a bee. I leapt up and saw a little weird flat beetle. I thought, Oh ****, I am hallucinating! But sure enough it was real. I made it to my bed.
Still no appetite. That will probably start coming tomorrow.
I was slow and spacey and staring at my computer screen until 2pm. Then I sharpened to maybe 60% of what I can do. I went to jamba juice to get some green smoothies. I am sure my liver is loving the fruits and vegetables I am giving it during its rest.
Some anxiety at work but it was tolerable. No panics. I was fatigued until I had my jamba juice. No wonder!
After work, I had some errands to run. I went to the mall. cold sweats at the mall. I still have red face and dull eyes. Eyelids are swollen still.
So I am going to make a blueberry and green pea smoothie and have some steamed flounder. I'll take another Bcomplex and a milk thistle. I wonder how I will sleep.
I have an extremely slight tremble in my fingers. Noticeable, but not bad. I felt some triggers again as I went to the convenience store for gatorade, but I managed them fine.
I do not fear any DT's. I think I would be feeling a lot worse than I am now. Anyways, thank you for your support. I think in another 2 days the red color in my face will go away.
Thank you for your support. I always like reading your comments.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 139
Wow great progress. It's nice to know these symptoms aren't things I have made up in my mind. Reinforces the need to stop drinking. That pain in my stomach is just my body saying don't ever do this again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: little elm, tx
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by julesonya
Wow great progress. It's nice to know these symptoms aren't things I have made up in my mind. Reinforces the need to stop drinking. That pain in my stomach is just my body saying don't ever do this again
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