Help, I need to change my thinking :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
Help, I need to change my thinking :(
Good morning friends. I have been visiting this board since 2009 (or earlier?) and sobriety just never sticks with me. I really can not figure out how to live without alcohol, it just seems impossible. 
I could really use some advice on how to get out of that thinking. I know it must be possible, yet I can't remember my life before I started drinking. Pretty sad huh? And I started late in life actually. I'm not a daily drinker but I do reach for the bottle when I'm stressed.
Help?
I could really use some advice on how to get out of that thinking. I know it must be possible, yet I can't remember my life before I started drinking. Pretty sad huh? And I started late in life actually. I'm not a daily drinker but I do reach for the bottle when I'm stressed.
Help?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
It "seems" impossible but it is not. Since you have been visiting since 2009 I am sure you have read a lot of success stories. You need a plan and there is a sticky about that in this forum. Dealing stress in a healthier way can be done. I am the same way...stress = alcohol. It had become so automatic. But you can break that cycle.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Counseling is a big help. Huge help.
You've gotta make the decision in your mind that enough is enough. That life the way you know it is not what you want. You want better. Which means different. Which means dropping things and adding things.
What is your driving force of action? What motivates you? For some it's fear of things or dislike of things, for others it's a want or desire.
Find that, and use it.
If it's fear...
- You are doing damage to your body. It's a matter of time before something irreversible happens.
- you will keep going downward till you find rock bottom. Just when you think you're there, you find a new low. I think rock bottom is death. All the levels above that have breakthrough floors.
If it's desire...
-you could have a better life
- you could be happier
- you could be healthier.
Are you willing to cut harm yourself? Let's say...allow somebody to punch you in the face as hard as they can? No!
How about for enough money that you could live in a dream house and have a dream car? Probably would be willing to take several punches.
It comes down to what do you want and how bad do you want it.
Counseling can help with that.
You've gotta make the decision in your mind that enough is enough. That life the way you know it is not what you want. You want better. Which means different. Which means dropping things and adding things.
What is your driving force of action? What motivates you? For some it's fear of things or dislike of things, for others it's a want or desire.
Find that, and use it.
If it's fear...
- You are doing damage to your body. It's a matter of time before something irreversible happens.
- you will keep going downward till you find rock bottom. Just when you think you're there, you find a new low. I think rock bottom is death. All the levels above that have breakthrough floors.
If it's desire...
-you could have a better life
- you could be happier
- you could be healthier.
Are you willing to cut harm yourself? Let's say...allow somebody to punch you in the face as hard as they can? No!
How about for enough money that you could live in a dream house and have a dream car? Probably would be willing to take several punches.
It comes down to what do you want and how bad do you want it.
Counseling can help with that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
I've tried 'private' programs, Smart Recovery, AVRT..
Social situations are a huge trigger for me. When I was going to a therapist I would drink before I went, otherwise I couldn't get a word out.
I thought AVRT was working for me (sober about 2 months a couple times) but I just stop caring about the AV, I want to drink so bad, my cravings get stronger as time goes on, not the other way around.
Social situations are a huge trigger for me. When I was going to a therapist I would drink before I went, otherwise I couldn't get a word out.
I thought AVRT was working for me (sober about 2 months a couple times) but I just stop caring about the AV, I want to drink so bad, my cravings get stronger as time goes on, not the other way around.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
One of the things I have done is what is termed, playing the tape forward and visualize what "could" happen if I decide to drink. I also ask myself how drinking is going to solve the issue at hand that I am upset/stressed about.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 122
Sometimes thinking is less important than action.
You think you can't survive without drinking. But you've been wrong before in your life, right? Maybe you're wrong this time.
If you try something new it will either work or it will not work. If it does not work you will be where you are now, so you will have lost nothing.
Therefore, you will either be correct or sober. And if correct, you can try something else.
You think you can't survive without drinking. But you've been wrong before in your life, right? Maybe you're wrong this time.
If you try something new it will either work or it will not work. If it does not work you will be where you are now, so you will have lost nothing.
Therefore, you will either be correct or sober. And if correct, you can try something else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
greens I haven't heard of any of those programs but I will look into them, thanks.
Playing the tape forward has worked for me in the past but only when I'm about to drink with others. Otherwise I drink alone in my home, only buy a certain amount (I know my black-out point and I won't go there), and nothing 'bad' ever happens anymore when I drink alone. I rarely have hangovers anymore, that was a big motivator for me in the past.
Yet, I want so badly to just be sober. I'm scared for my health, I hate how it has aged me, and I hate that my kids see me drinking. I have the best kids in the world, they are late teens and as straight as can be. I'm so proud of them, and I don't want them being ashamed of their mom.
I just want to be sober.
Playing the tape forward has worked for me in the past but only when I'm about to drink with others. Otherwise I drink alone in my home, only buy a certain amount (I know my black-out point and I won't go there), and nothing 'bad' ever happens anymore when I drink alone. I rarely have hangovers anymore, that was a big motivator for me in the past.
Yet, I want so badly to just be sober. I'm scared for my health, I hate how it has aged me, and I hate that my kids see me drinking. I have the best kids in the world, they are late teens and as straight as can be. I'm so proud of them, and I don't want them being ashamed of their mom.
I just want to be sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back Jessie!!
For me it was less about the thinking and more about the actions, my willpower and good intentions only lasted for so long, my addiction would eventually grind me down and the inevitable would happen, for a long time I went round those same circles.
Instead I needed a plan, daily support, even signing in here on SR is a start, something to keep me focused on the task at hand, the next steps were to radically change up the activities I got involved in and people I hung out with!!
You can do this!!
For me it was less about the thinking and more about the actions, my willpower and good intentions only lasted for so long, my addiction would eventually grind me down and the inevitable would happen, for a long time I went round those same circles.
Instead I needed a plan, daily support, even signing in here on SR is a start, something to keep me focused on the task at hand, the next steps were to radically change up the activities I got involved in and people I hung out with!!
You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back Jessie
I tried for 15 years to quit. The road to siccess for me started with a decision to do more than I'd ever done before - I really changed my life.
It was difficult but worth it.
I guess the question is how far are you prepared to go with change?
D
I tried for 15 years to quit. The road to siccess for me started with a decision to do more than I'd ever done before - I really changed my life.
It was difficult but worth it.
I guess the question is how far are you prepared to go with change?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
The only thing that really changes when I abstain is my health habits, I eat better and I exercise more, but even when I'm actively drinking I try to take care of myself (just realized how funny that sounds). I still exercise is what I mean.
I have basically no social life so I don't have to worry about that for the most part (except our business social life which can be quite the challenge for me). I have an awful social phobia and alcohol allows me to talk without feeling my face get red and feeling the sweat trickling down my back and the panic attack coming on (being painfully shy is hell on earth for me, no other way to describe it)
I know I have triggers and I think the biggest one is depression (& stress), yet I know an addict will drink/drug for any reason and I've seen that in myself too. Alcohol just seems to be the quick cure for changing how I feel at the moment.
I've stayed sober for months at a time but I always stop caring. Why is it that eventually we almost forget why we wanted to stop, or it suddenly doesn't seem as important. I can convince myself eventually that I'm not that bad.
I'm going to post on here every day, see if I can keep the motivation. I agree that willpower only gets us so far. I know when I start the white-knuckling it's only a matter of time before I cave. So that scares me.
I have basically no social life so I don't have to worry about that for the most part (except our business social life which can be quite the challenge for me).
I have an awful social phobia and alcohol allows me to talk without feeling my face get red and feeling the sweat trickling down my back and the panic attack coming on (being painfully shy is hell on earth for me, no other way to describe it)I know I have triggers and I think the biggest one is depression (& stress), yet I know an addict will drink/drug for any reason and I've seen that in myself too. Alcohol just seems to be the quick cure for changing how I feel at the moment.
I've stayed sober for months at a time but I always stop caring. Why is it that eventually we almost forget why we wanted to stop, or it suddenly doesn't seem as important. I can convince myself eventually that I'm not that bad.
I'm going to post on here every day, see if I can keep the motivation. I agree that willpower only gets us so far. I know when I start the white-knuckling it's only a matter of time before I cave. So that scares me.
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