I have a drinking problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 31
I have a drinking problem
Hi,
I've just realised that I have a very significant drinking problem. I guess that I've know it for a while as I first joined this group maybe over a year and a half ago (but never posted). I even went to AA a couple of times, but I convinced myself that I wasn't like them.
You see, I come from a family of Alcoholics and in no way does my drinking reflect there's. I can go for weeks, even maybe months without touching it, but then... KABLAM! I always looked at them and thought there is no way I could be an alcoholic because I don't need it all the time and I am nothing like them!
I've drunk pretty heavily for the last 20 years. At first I used to do a lot of e's and coke as well but that came to a sudden stop when I landed in ER and I prayed to God to let me live because it would have killed my mum to see me go out like that. God answered that prayer as I had no issues stopping the drugs and other than a few very minor slips, I have been clean 19 years (thank you God).The drinking continued though as I didn't see it as a problem.
I was arrested last weekend for being drunk in charge of a vehicle and I could not tell you what actually happened with any clarity as I so out of it. This has been the turning point for me.
I've sat down and prayed and I've been shown some uncomfortable truths. My life, my marriage, my relationships, my morals and ethics have all been wrecked by my bing drinking. I can see nearly every issue in my life has been brought on by my drinking. Even my wedding day was marred. Most brides would be able to wait to be alone with their husbands, not me, I wanted to stay out drinking. It led to an almighty argument and is not even spending the night under the same roof (this played out more times that I would care to admit). He asked me not to drink and would even tell me what I did when blackout drunk. I just thought he was trying to embarrass me and told him not to. I honestly thought that it was normal to black out. Most of my going out friends were heavy drinkers so I saw this as normal. I obviously surrounded myself with like minded people. He disliked them immensely. I even almost had an affair, I thought that he was cramping my style and I would be better off with someone else. I didn't and even though I broke his heart, he forced me to work on our marriage. Everything was going amazingly until my mum was diagnosed as terminal and I started drinking heavily again and the drinking alone started again. There is so much more I could say but I'll leave it at him looking for the love I seemed incapable of giving him and leaving me for another woman, which started a free fall (ironically the person he is with now is also a drinker, bet she doesn't get black out drunk though)
I have spent the last few weeks drinking heavily, even missing work so I could drink after my divorce came through. I was devastated and just wanted to block it all out. This isn't the first time. Even when I was at work I wanted to come home early and drink (this is a new thing), I didn't but I recognise that this may be the signs of an oncoming dependancy (which I currently don't have) and I refuse to go there. Alcohol has caused enough devastation without that.
I know my triggers, mad, sad, lonely and I know that I have to find healthy ways to deal with my emotions, so I have started counselling with a psychologist.
So there it is, I've finally admitted it, and I know I can never have another drink again!
I've just realised that I have a very significant drinking problem. I guess that I've know it for a while as I first joined this group maybe over a year and a half ago (but never posted). I even went to AA a couple of times, but I convinced myself that I wasn't like them.
You see, I come from a family of Alcoholics and in no way does my drinking reflect there's. I can go for weeks, even maybe months without touching it, but then... KABLAM! I always looked at them and thought there is no way I could be an alcoholic because I don't need it all the time and I am nothing like them!
I've drunk pretty heavily for the last 20 years. At first I used to do a lot of e's and coke as well but that came to a sudden stop when I landed in ER and I prayed to God to let me live because it would have killed my mum to see me go out like that. God answered that prayer as I had no issues stopping the drugs and other than a few very minor slips, I have been clean 19 years (thank you God).The drinking continued though as I didn't see it as a problem.
I was arrested last weekend for being drunk in charge of a vehicle and I could not tell you what actually happened with any clarity as I so out of it. This has been the turning point for me.
I've sat down and prayed and I've been shown some uncomfortable truths. My life, my marriage, my relationships, my morals and ethics have all been wrecked by my bing drinking. I can see nearly every issue in my life has been brought on by my drinking. Even my wedding day was marred. Most brides would be able to wait to be alone with their husbands, not me, I wanted to stay out drinking. It led to an almighty argument and is not even spending the night under the same roof (this played out more times that I would care to admit). He asked me not to drink and would even tell me what I did when blackout drunk. I just thought he was trying to embarrass me and told him not to. I honestly thought that it was normal to black out. Most of my going out friends were heavy drinkers so I saw this as normal. I obviously surrounded myself with like minded people. He disliked them immensely. I even almost had an affair, I thought that he was cramping my style and I would be better off with someone else. I didn't and even though I broke his heart, he forced me to work on our marriage. Everything was going amazingly until my mum was diagnosed as terminal and I started drinking heavily again and the drinking alone started again. There is so much more I could say but I'll leave it at him looking for the love I seemed incapable of giving him and leaving me for another woman, which started a free fall (ironically the person he is with now is also a drinker, bet she doesn't get black out drunk though)
I have spent the last few weeks drinking heavily, even missing work so I could drink after my divorce came through. I was devastated and just wanted to block it all out. This isn't the first time. Even when I was at work I wanted to come home early and drink (this is a new thing), I didn't but I recognise that this may be the signs of an oncoming dependancy (which I currently don't have) and I refuse to go there. Alcohol has caused enough devastation without that.
I know my triggers, mad, sad, lonely and I know that I have to find healthy ways to deal with my emotions, so I have started counselling with a psychologist.
So there it is, I've finally admitted it, and I know I can never have another drink again!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, Kamie. Your story sounds very familiar to me and I'm sure to many others here as well. Just a few tweaks here and there and most of it could be my story too. Good news is you don't have to live that way any longer. Glad you found us and I look forward to seeing you grow in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
I relate with you on the binge drinking and blacking out. I also use to surround myself with people that drank in excess. Its hard to think you have a problem when your friends are drinking the same or more. I'm really glad your here. 
thanks for posting. 
thanks for posting. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 31
Thank you Casey, it's good to know I'm not alone.
I feel so liberated to finally admit it and exhilarated to know I have a choice, that it doesn't have to be this way. That my life just changed for the better.
I feel so liberated to finally admit it and exhilarated to know I have a choice, that it doesn't have to be this way. That my life just changed for the better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Welcome and thank you for sharing.
I'm divorced as a result of my addictions and have two awesome boys that live with their mom. It's really truly heartbreaking. 15yr marriage I destroyed. Plus lost my job due to lack of interest / performance. Got to a point I wasn't interested in anything but drinking. Now I'm filing bankruptcy. It's a mess. All cause by using crutches to hide from or dull the real issues.
The good news is, it really does get better. Counseling is a must. I'm happy you've made the choice to join us and do counseling.
You deserve a great life. IT'S UP TO YOU TO GO GET IT!
image-1310323347.jpg
I'm divorced as a result of my addictions and have two awesome boys that live with their mom. It's really truly heartbreaking. 15yr marriage I destroyed. Plus lost my job due to lack of interest / performance. Got to a point I wasn't interested in anything but drinking. Now I'm filing bankruptcy. It's a mess. All cause by using crutches to hide from or dull the real issues.
The good news is, it really does get better. Counseling is a must. I'm happy you've made the choice to join us and do counseling.
You deserve a great life. IT'S UP TO YOU TO GO GET IT!
image-1310323347.jpg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 31
Thank you Lilly.
It was while browsing on this site yesterday that I discovered people admitting to things that I had done also that my problem slapped me in the face. No more reasoning that I am not a drunk because I don't drink every day so its not that bad.
It was while browsing on this site yesterday that I discovered people admitting to things that I had done also that my problem slapped me in the face. No more reasoning that I am not a drunk because I don't drink every day so its not that bad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 31
Thank you Incontrol.
Its horrible to look back with hindsite and realise just how much you have messed up.
I'm not saying my husband was perfect, he wasn't, but that man was a saint to put up with as much as he did. I screwed up and now he wont even speak to me.
Its horrible to look back with hindsite and realise just how much you have messed up.
I'm not saying my husband was perfect, he wasn't, but that man was a saint to put up with as much as he did. I screwed up and now he wont even speak to me.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Seoul Korea
Posts: 15
Hi Kamie,
This is my third or fourth time quitting. I made it 3 months once, then 6 months, and finally have reduced to only drinking every month or so over the last year. A couple nights ago I blacked out and landed myself in a Korean police station. I am at that point where I just know I can't drink ever again. Even rarely. I've ruined lots of relationships, marred plenty of special occasions, and been seriously injured due to my drinking.
I just wanted to share some of my story with you, having both had some legal problems. It can be a lot to deal with and really add a tremendous amount of stress and shame to the already incredibly difficult challenge of quitting drinking. Just know that if these experiences take us to the point of sobriety, that maybe they are the greatest gift we could ask for. That's where I am, and I am praying that this time it really is. I will pray for you too.
This is my third or fourth time quitting. I made it 3 months once, then 6 months, and finally have reduced to only drinking every month or so over the last year. A couple nights ago I blacked out and landed myself in a Korean police station. I am at that point where I just know I can't drink ever again. Even rarely. I've ruined lots of relationships, marred plenty of special occasions, and been seriously injured due to my drinking.
I just wanted to share some of my story with you, having both had some legal problems. It can be a lot to deal with and really add a tremendous amount of stress and shame to the already incredibly difficult challenge of quitting drinking. Just know that if these experiences take us to the point of sobriety, that maybe they are the greatest gift we could ask for. That's where I am, and I am praying that this time it really is. I will pray for you too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Kamie1 
Hi,
I've just realised that I have a very significant drinking problem. I guess that I've know it for a while as I first joined this group maybe over a year and a half ago (but never posted). I even went to AA a couple of times, but I convinced myself that I wasn't like them.
I've just realised that I have a very significant drinking problem. I guess that I've know it for a while as I first joined this group maybe over a year and a half ago (but never posted). I even went to AA a couple of times, but I convinced myself that I wasn't like them.
Hi and welcome.
I often find it interesting that I also made many determinations during my undisciplined drinking days, not even knowing what I didn’t know or what questions to ask, just another act as if.
Then when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I became teachable and honest with myself about MY drinking.
Many sober years later I’m still learning and still going to meetings along with reading post here which are a great a REMEMBER WHEN.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Welcome....
Your story is so much like so many of our stories....
Thank you for the reminder and helping me stay sober today.
Here is good news: ALL of this can be behind you and you can move into a new stage of your life. Characterized by Joy, Love, Integrity, Self-Respect, Confidence, Service, Soulfulness and LIFE.
You have taken exactly the right first step.... And now the choice is entirely yours. I chose sobriety.... And I can tell you for sure it is infinitely better.
Welcome, stick with us.
Your story is so much like so many of our stories....
Thank you for the reminder and helping me stay sober today.
Here is good news: ALL of this can be behind you and you can move into a new stage of your life. Characterized by Joy, Love, Integrity, Self-Respect, Confidence, Service, Soulfulness and LIFE.
You have taken exactly the right first step.... And now the choice is entirely yours. I chose sobriety.... And I can tell you for sure it is infinitely better.
Welcome, stick with us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 212
Thanks for your share! It takes a lot of courage to come on here and admit to yourself and to this community that you finally recognize that you have a problem and that drinking is responsible for your issues ( step 1)
It took me 4 years for me to finally admit it! And now I have 41 glorious days of sobriety that I am so grateful for!
Your story is all of our stories so if you stick around you can learn what others do to stay sober!
Welcome!!
It took me 4 years for me to finally admit it! And now I have 41 glorious days of sobriety that I am so grateful for!
Your story is all of our stories so if you stick around you can learn what others do to stay sober!
Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome Kamie,
quite the realizations you've woken up to. i used to compare myself too, and was never "that bad", not like all those others out there who...ja!
it "allowed" me to keep drinking for many more years.
it's great you now know comparing isn't the point, that what matters is where you're at with your drinking and yourself.
good to see you here.
quite the realizations you've woken up to. i used to compare myself too, and was never "that bad", not like all those others out there who...ja!
it "allowed" me to keep drinking for many more years.
it's great you now know comparing isn't the point, that what matters is where you're at with your drinking and yourself.
good to see you here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Welcome aboard. Alcohol will wreck everything in your life if you let it go unchecked. I lost jobs, relationships, almost my career, had legal troubles, etc etc etc.
Sounds like you picked a good time to try to straighten this out, you can dig yourself out of the deepest hole if you commit to it, many have
Sounds like you picked a good time to try to straighten this out, you can dig yourself out of the deepest hole if you commit to it, many have
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