ipaidwithmylife

Hey, so I have a quick question: does anyone on this forum get accused of drinking, even when you haven't touched a drop?

My family says I'm acting weird, but I fear it's just the after-effects of the alcohol. My mind hasn't been the same and it deeply saddens me, so I lately tend to act out, by acting overly happy, when clearly I'm a wreck on the inside. I also can't find anything to do, since I can never concentrate for long enough and my memory is ******, which I'm sure I said before.

I'm not motivated to do anything and just feel like giving up would be better. I mean: I know that I will never get better, so what's the point in carrying on? I'm sorry to be the negative wooby, but I'm just so sick and tired of this. I'm also completely sleep-deprived. It saddens me how my friends all have bright futures ahead, while I'm a stupid ex-binge-drinker at the tender age of 22.

lighter

How long have you been sober?

Fly N Buy

Not sure how long you've been sans booze but it takes time. I would not concern yourself about trying to act happier than you feel - just be honest with yourself and fam.

When I quit I had to look at what I should be grateful for and not be consumed by what I thought I was or what I would loose with the drink. Turns out nothing!

You're young and just beginning life - you can still do anything!
Glad you're here with us - focus on the gratitude and not the negatives.......

PurpleKnight

It took time for people around me to trust that I wasn't drinking anymore, the family members that were concerned needed time and proof that I was serious in turning things around, that will only come in time as trust is rebuilt, don't freight over people mistrusting, focus on your Sobriety and it will work itself out on it's own.

22yrs of age is a positive, you're sorting things out now, I left it till my 30s and regret that I did, and there will be others coming behind me that left it until they were older, so see it as a positive.

Early in Sobriety I couldn't do much more than go to work, come home and crash, hadn't the energy for very much else, but that's ok, relax, watch movies, play online puzzles, the body to heal takes time, we're not going to be taking on the world straight away, and we don't have to, as time went on I regained my energy, my concentration and got my spring back in my step.

Rome wasn't built in a day, you too have a bright future, the future alcohol would have stolen from you if you hadn't of taken the courageous stand you have in your 20s, you've got your whole life ahead of you, plenty of time to build something to be happy about!!

Hang in there!! You can do this!!

ipaidwithmylife

I've been off it a week now, after having relapsed 5 times, after a good 3 months. I was doing so good, but then I convinced myself to drink again: bad idea!

ipaidwithmylife

Wel it's not so much a matter of trust as it is just more proof of me having turned into some kind of freaky altered version of myself.... Just saying. I feel like I'm in a psychosis... like a female Charlie Sheen. Yet, I know you mean well and I'm grateful to you, so: .

lighter

To be honest after only a week in it's hardly surprising people don't believe you're sober yet... It takes a long time to rebuild your relationships but if you stay sober it can normally be done.

It's also not surprising your emotions are all over the place.

At 22 if you can get sober you've got a grand life to look forward to... What are you doing differently compared to last time?

least

It took me longer than a week to earn back my kids' trust in me. Give it time, and don't relapse!!

ipaidwithmylife

Well, they don't exactly know I drank a week ago... as far as they're concerned I'm 4 months sober, so yeah... really speaks for my behaviour, I guess. God, I wish I'd never even looked at a beer! I'm so angry with myself and have been for the past months.

Windancer

Yes, I have often had that. But what has occurred more often if I HAVE been drinking and I lied about it and/or hid it (or tried to hide it). So I understand where my loved ones are coming from. I did find it frustrating though.....when I was telling the truth.

ipaidwithmylife

I'm sorry if I appeared rude in my previous posts. It wasn't my intention, it just comes forth from intense inner frustration, anger and sadness. I don't get the freedom to express this at home anymore, so I put up a happy front there. They're all tired of my depressing mumbo-jumbo, so I gave up.

Just know that I'm very appreciative of the advice and help and hope you all lend.

Kindest regards,
IPWML

Dee74

I'm confused - in what sense have you been wrongfully accused, Ipaid?

if i relapsed a week ago after 3 months I'd be acting pretty weird too - especially if I was trying to present a happy face.

Your family may not 'know' exactly but they probably know you a lot better than you think?

D

ipaidwithmylife

Dee 74: they told me today, and earlier this week: when I hadn't touched anything. Also, last week was the last relapse in a succesion of relapses, so I didn't exactly returned to drinking at that time. My first relapse was a month ago, but it just evolved from there on. Finding other reasons, craving it: once there was a party(my birthday),I drank more than I wanted to, but it wasn't disastrous: like 2 glasses, then 4 times anew out of depression.

lighter

It's hard to keep secrets from your family. I always thought I was good at hiding the fact I was drinking. Years later my bro explained that for days or weeks after I drank I literally smelled really strange.

Dee74

Whether you got drunk or not there's several examples of you drinking again recently in this thread.

I mean this with all the kindness & understanding in the world but it doesn't sound like you've fully accepted sobriety as you're only viable option yet.

Maybe your family is picking up on that?

I know it's hard and I know you're trying - I'm not putting down your efforts...but my family and friends trusted me again on their timetable - not mine...

They had to see the changes in me and it had to become clear to them, I'd changed...

The only way I know to start that journey to real change is to not drink at all any more, Ipaid.

D

Spacegoat

Yep that happened. Went home with a couple of months sobriety only to be told ' You need to go and do something about your drinking'.

Re-iterated that I was no longer drinking only to be told 'We don't believe you' -by a grown woman who doesn't know how to tell the truth.

Anna

The fact I had to earn back trust from my family was so very frustrating. Try not to focus on what your family thinks, but rather on how you can stay sober and recover. Your family will trust you again in time.

ipaidwithmylife

Hey, so I get the feeling that everyone who replied on here, had a way harder time with their loved ones, than I ever had and misunderstood my meaning, somewhat. You see: it never really hurt/bothered them, when I took to the booze.

I usually got drunk at my dorm up to last year and when I returned home: I drank silently in the late of night in my room, so they barely even saw me inebriated.

It took convincing and concerns from ME, for them to finally see how addicted to the stuff I'd become. They knew I liked to have a few, mind you, but they had no idea how often I did it or how much I consumed, for that matter.

So with all do respect, I just think it's weird now, how they have asked: "are you on drugs?" or "quit acting like you're drunk". Is this just me? Do I have like a dumb, drunken personality now? It could be of course, since I'm barely able to function mentally... or psychically for that matter. I know this is going to sound ********, but I really feel like one of those incoherent, messed-up hollywood stars, right now. I hope it passes, because: for the love of god.... I'm so tired of existing like a weak residue of the prior-me.

Dee74

I have a feeling we're on different wavelengths Ipaid

Like Anna said you have to earn back trust - and it's on their timetable, not ours

Stay sober - completely - and you'll see change not only in yourself but in the way others respond and interact with you too

D

ipaidwithmylife

Thanks Dee, I'm all for staying sober, just not sure if it'll matter much anymore. I knocked myself down to the ground and won't be able to pick up normal life ever again, so yeah... I take full accountability for messing up, but I can't exist like this anymore and have never felt lower as a human-being, in my entire life.