The value in letting down our guard...
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The value in letting down our guard...
We all wander around with certain defenses. Some more than others, some in different ways, to varying degrees. But as humans, we all share in common the trait of projecting into the world various parts or presentations of ourselves.
We learn this throughout our lives. It's not inherently a bad thing.
But what happens over time, when this human tendency hijacks us, when painful experiences morph the way we react and manage these defenses and when we become fearful of the experience of being the full, true, US - is that we slowly bury ourselves deeper and deeper.
Addiction and alcoholism stories all have a strong predominance of this theme. We felt pained and isolated when we could not express the 'real' us that lie inside, wondering why we'd been shut away. When even WE (the externally-facing roles and masks and social personas we built over the years) no longer honored our inner selves.
There is tremendously-powerful healing in simply being seen. REALLY seen. Being acknowledged and deemed worthy by our everyday adult selves, by peers, by family. But the painful, ironic paradox is that it is often ourselves getting in the way of that healing. It is WE who create the walls that separate us from the view of others, WE who deny ourselves.
Whether it's AA or therapy or a close friend we can trust or a small group of friends with whom we decide to risk being vulnerable and meet regularly to share that real, inner us.... we need to be seen. We need to be honored.
Many of us have felt lonely - even while being surrounded by friends and family and colleagues. But we were lonely because it wasn't really US who were surrounded by all of that. It was our persona, our roles, our masks. While inside, quietly wounded and suffering, was the real US, wondering when anyone would turn a smile in our direction. Increasingly convinced we just weren't worthy.
If you're in early recovery - or even in well-seasoned recovery, or dealing with a loved one in recovery or struggling with addiction; ask yourself whether you're allowing yourself to truly be seen. Ask yourself whether you've been allowing yourself to see the YOU within, ask yourself if your loved one is inside yearning to be pulled back into the light and honored.
I think it's a really big, powerful piece of recovery - and of living fully as a human being - that isn't given enough focus in this modern mad cap world.
Have a great weekend everyone, and stay sober.
Because.....
#soberliferocks
We learn this throughout our lives. It's not inherently a bad thing.
But what happens over time, when this human tendency hijacks us, when painful experiences morph the way we react and manage these defenses and when we become fearful of the experience of being the full, true, US - is that we slowly bury ourselves deeper and deeper.
Addiction and alcoholism stories all have a strong predominance of this theme. We felt pained and isolated when we could not express the 'real' us that lie inside, wondering why we'd been shut away. When even WE (the externally-facing roles and masks and social personas we built over the years) no longer honored our inner selves.
There is tremendously-powerful healing in simply being seen. REALLY seen. Being acknowledged and deemed worthy by our everyday adult selves, by peers, by family. But the painful, ironic paradox is that it is often ourselves getting in the way of that healing. It is WE who create the walls that separate us from the view of others, WE who deny ourselves.
Whether it's AA or therapy or a close friend we can trust or a small group of friends with whom we decide to risk being vulnerable and meet regularly to share that real, inner us.... we need to be seen. We need to be honored.
Many of us have felt lonely - even while being surrounded by friends and family and colleagues. But we were lonely because it wasn't really US who were surrounded by all of that. It was our persona, our roles, our masks. While inside, quietly wounded and suffering, was the real US, wondering when anyone would turn a smile in our direction. Increasingly convinced we just weren't worthy.
If you're in early recovery - or even in well-seasoned recovery, or dealing with a loved one in recovery or struggling with addiction; ask yourself whether you're allowing yourself to truly be seen. Ask yourself whether you've been allowing yourself to see the YOU within, ask yourself if your loved one is inside yearning to be pulled back into the light and honored.
I think it's a really big, powerful piece of recovery - and of living fully as a human being - that isn't given enough focus in this modern mad cap world.
Have a great weekend everyone, and stay sober.
Because.....
#soberliferocks
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Lots of food for thought in that post.
As I think about it, I've lived a persona so long that I don't think I'd know who the 'inner me' was if he was standing right in front of me. Maybe I should try to find that guy and get to know him.
As I think about it, I've lived a persona so long that I don't think I'd know who the 'inner me' was if he was standing right in front of me. Maybe I should try to find that guy and get to know him.
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That's a great post. I've been thinking lately how I was abandoned and neglected as a child and being seen is a good description of what wasn't happening. I realize now that I had abandoned myself in my addiction. I feel that Working on being sober is me embracing myself. I look back now and I am horrified about how neglectful I was of myself on all kinds of levels. So like nutrition, hygiene, choice of activities and friends. And i was thinking that in order to really recover we have to be able to be our authentic selves. I think Its important that I be mindful of making sure I see and nurture myself.
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Yep.... A lot of it goes back to the child - the one that even WE banished to the corner of our soul... Disallowing them to come out, criticizing all the things 'wrong' about them.
When we offer comfort and support and celebrate that child.... Some amazing things happen
When we offer comfort and support and celebrate that child.... Some amazing things happen
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Littlebear 
Free owl your lovely post got through to me where pretty much nothing else has today. Like a little breath. I am in a bad place but grateful to you
You deserve to be seen, you're worthy and beautiful and those feelings and suggestions inside to the contrary are all a pile of crap.
May you find a way to simply honor that you who you truly are today, in whatever way you can... One little ray of light leads to another.
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