Maybe it's time to say goodbye

Old 05-14-2015, 05:13 PM
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Maybe it's time to say goodbye

So since my latest revelation , I have been trying to focus on me. I have been working on getting into therapy, and I don't plan my days around maybe getting to see my addict. However, he's just as flakey as ever. I haven't seen him since Sunday. I thought that if I backed off a little bit, it might make him feel more comfortable about the situation. However, it just seems like it's causing yet another rift between us.

We talked about making plans yesterday, but he got in a fight with his sister (whom he lives with), and it ended up not happening after I spent a good chunk of the evening waiting for him to let me know, but I guess that was my fault for waiting. I thought we had plans to hang out today, but he went and made plans to go rock climbing with his buddy after work, saying he thought I was leaving for my trip today (I'm going out of town for the weekend). I asked him to reschedule because of the miscommunication, but said he couldn't because he had a busy weekend. It hurts my feelings that he can't make time to see me AT LEAST once a week. He said he didn't want us spending an unhealthy amount of time with each other, but we only hang out like 1 to 2 times a week. It seems to me like that's not going to be enough for us to repair the damage that has been done in our relationship. He works all day usually from around 6 to around 4. He gets off with enough time left in the day to hang out with me, but it always seems like he has something better to do.

I'm honestly thinking seriously at this point about just cutting him lose. It won't be nearly as heart breaking as it was the first time because it will be on my terms, and at least I will know why it ended. I just don't know how he expects any of this to work with the effort he puts into it. If he really wanted it, he would try harder, but he seems to not care whether I stay or go, so I might as well go.
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Old 05-14-2015, 05:52 PM
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It will still hurt but remember that once on your own, you may find that you really like who you are without the weight of his disease on your back. You may be surprised to find that life is enjoyable when the person you take care of is yourself!
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:12 PM
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I think I have a lot of work to do on myself before that realization comes true for me. I'm really lost right now. I just kind of feel like I don't have enough to do that gets me out of the house. I take online classes, make dreamcatchers and write poetry, but all of those things keep me inside. My friends have school and work that they go to during the day, so it makes me even more disappointed when he can't hang out. I never used to be like this, but he's made me completely forget who I am.
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:33 PM
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Why not join a poetry writing group? Or see if you could teach others to make dreamcatchers? Or join a meetup group?

P.S. Have to tell you, we are leaving for vacation and guess what the name of our cabin rental is? The Dreamcatcher!! Seriously!!
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:43 PM
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Sometimes I attend poetry open mic nights, but that's not usually during the day. Honestly, I ended up moving home and taking online classes after he broke up with me because I was so devastated I couldn't function. Now I can't wait to get back because even though I won't be in the same town as him anymore, at least I'll have school, work and friends to keep me busy. Here, I just feel like I don't have enough to keep me busy, which makes me put too much pressure on my addict.
I think it's probably about time I end it. If this relationship is barely working in a non-long distance relationship, I can only imagine the headache it will be when I move back. I don't want to give him the chance to hurt me again, so it seems smart to walk away before he does it first.

P.S. What a coincidence!
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:44 PM
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There are worse things than being alone.

You know what they are.

Do what's best for you, and everything else will fall into place.
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Old 05-15-2015, 07:14 AM
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He’s not making an effort to keep you so why fight so hard to stay?

I think the healthiest decision you could make for yourself is to end this relationship.
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