Mum admitted to hospital
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 25
Mum admitted to hospital
Mum admitted to hospital
So as the title says I was called this morning and told my Mum had been rushed to hospital vomiting blood and couldn't stop. I don't know how I feel at the moment a mixture of numbness and anger. They are currently carrying out various tests to find out what is going on. I'm trying to distance myself but the hospital keep ringing and telling me she is asking for me and what time the visiting hours are. How do you successfully distance yourself !? ARGHHHHHHHHH . Mum has telephoned , I don't have call I'd so answered and it was her asking me to take clothes in like nothing was wrong 😤😡
So as the title says I was called this morning and told my Mum had been rushed to hospital vomiting blood and couldn't stop. I don't know how I feel at the moment a mixture of numbness and anger. They are currently carrying out various tests to find out what is going on. I'm trying to distance myself but the hospital keep ringing and telling me she is asking for me and what time the visiting hours are. How do you successfully distance yourself !? ARGHHHHHHHHH . Mum has telephoned , I don't have call I'd so answered and it was her asking me to take clothes in like nothing was wrong 😤😡
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I went through a similar thing with my dad, and it's far from easy, I was next of kin and was getting all the hospital phone calls.
I think it depends on who else is around? for me I knew my dad didn't really have any other family members to bring clothes etc, so I finally made the decision to do it even though I hadn't had much thanks from my dad for much else as where his next drink was coming from was more important than anything else in his life.
Looking back, i'm glad I did, but it's different for everyone, my dad eventually passed away and I didn't have any regrets, I did my bit, in the end it was alcohol that took away my dad, and he was the addict.
Through it all I still never got any thanks, alcoholism is a very thankless thing, you may never get a thank you, a person may never change, and for my dad he didn't.
It's far from an easy situation!!
I think it depends on who else is around? for me I knew my dad didn't really have any other family members to bring clothes etc, so I finally made the decision to do it even though I hadn't had much thanks from my dad for much else as where his next drink was coming from was more important than anything else in his life.
Looking back, i'm glad I did, but it's different for everyone, my dad eventually passed away and I didn't have any regrets, I did my bit, in the end it was alcohol that took away my dad, and he was the addict.
Through it all I still never got any thanks, alcoholism is a very thankless thing, you may never get a thank you, a person may never change, and for my dad he didn't.
It's far from an easy situation!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 254
Winteriscoming, I'm so sorry for all the suffering alcoholism has caused in your family. It is a heartbreak. Many heartbreaks.
I have learned and seen proven, over and over and over, that one of the ways through and out of unmanageable, dysfunctional, and crazy situations is self-care. What are you doing for yourself? Often it's when we put other peoples' needs before our own, are concentrating on other people, places, and things, that our lives and emotions become chaotic and unmanageable, to the detriment of our health and the health of those around us.
Your mother has a disease that is putting itself first and has been for a while. There is nothing you can do. This is hard to hear but I suspect there is nothing you can do for her AND keep yourself healthy and sane.
I have had to tell hospital employees, 911 people, bill collectors, all kinds of people - nope, I don't want to hear updates about my mother. No, not even if her condition worsens. You know what - that makes people uncomfortable. You know what else - that discomfort is theirs to sort out.
She is in a professional facility where professionals are taking care of her health. You are not a professional. You cannot help. You are taking some time off from something you have been devoting... how much of your life to, for how long? You have overspent yourself trying to save someone who has chosen not to get better.
It is ok - it is recommended - to put yourself first. It sounds like you've dealt with AA - have YOU been to an Al-Anon meeting? I suggest you get to one TONIGHT! Go to a room full of people who have been where you have been.
I have learned and seen proven, over and over and over, that one of the ways through and out of unmanageable, dysfunctional, and crazy situations is self-care. What are you doing for yourself? Often it's when we put other peoples' needs before our own, are concentrating on other people, places, and things, that our lives and emotions become chaotic and unmanageable, to the detriment of our health and the health of those around us.
Your mother has a disease that is putting itself first and has been for a while. There is nothing you can do. This is hard to hear but I suspect there is nothing you can do for her AND keep yourself healthy and sane.
I have had to tell hospital employees, 911 people, bill collectors, all kinds of people - nope, I don't want to hear updates about my mother. No, not even if her condition worsens. You know what - that makes people uncomfortable. You know what else - that discomfort is theirs to sort out.
She is in a professional facility where professionals are taking care of her health. You are not a professional. You cannot help. You are taking some time off from something you have been devoting... how much of your life to, for how long? You have overspent yourself trying to save someone who has chosen not to get better.
It is ok - it is recommended - to put yourself first. It sounds like you've dealt with AA - have YOU been to an Al-Anon meeting? I suggest you get to one TONIGHT! Go to a room full of people who have been where you have been.
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