FireSprite

My waking moments are spent each morning trying to focus on my gratitude. It helps to start the day on a positive note & I'm sometimes surprised at the thoughts that bubble up before I've had time to overthink it & while I'm still groggy from sleep.

I'm grateful for recovery every day, but today I'm especially grateful for all the sick behaviors I no longer participate in.

• I'm grateful that I no longer give myself whiplash, scanning parking lots when I drive by the bars where AH used to hide & drink. Even after he started sobriety, I would reflexively search the lot as I drove by. Every. Day. on my way home from work.
  
• Along that same vein, I'm grateful I no longer have a mini panic attack when I see a truck that looks like his in a part of town/ at a time of day that isn't expected. In my worst moments, I would react to vehicles that obviously were not his but similar enough at 1st glance to stop the heart pounding before I could make an assessment.
  
• I'm grateful that I sleep restfully, even when he/I/we have bad days in recovery.
  
• I'm grateful that I am no longer a complete & utter physical mess. Grateful that I no longer have that persistent headache that I could only describe as on ongoing Roaring in my head from the constant, nightly bouts of crying.
  
• Grateful that I don't waste any time or energy looking for "proof" any longer - getting online every day to check cell phone records, bank & credit card spending. No more rifling through his pockets looking for clues to his lies.
  
• Grateful that I don't waste my energy worrying about things I can't control - like whether RAH is working a proper program or if he'll relapse.
  
• Grateful that I plan my life around ME. I used to hesitate to commit to plans with others until I clarified what AH's schedule was for that day, always working around him. I would commit but then back out sometimes, unable to deal with the anxiety before even leaving the house. If I went I would spend that time stressed & rushing everyone along so that I could get back home... which would trigger those consuming thoughts of "What if he's not home? Where could he be? Who is he with? Will today be another argument? etc" Now, I make plans when it sounds fun & I'm present for those events, participating & completely IN The Now. No rushing home just to sit around & wait, "just in case".
  
• I'm grateful that an unrecognized # on my caller ID no longer makes my skin crawl. I was always braced for "that call"..... the DUI, the arrest, the accident, the death.
  
• Grateful that I've learned to distinguish between other people's problems & my own & to see the limits of my responsibilities. Grateful that I no longer allow others to bully me with emotional manipulation or guilt.

Anybody else grateful for healthier habits?

lillamy

Oh yes, yes, yes. Grateful for a lot of what you listed above.
Grateful that I no longer get a panic attack when AXH e-mails.
Grateful that I've finally gotten to a point where I don't perceive him as a larger-than-life monster with superpowers to hurt me, but a very sick person that I can have compassion for.
Grateful that I have people in my life who accept that I'm still a work in progress.
Grateful that I am OK with some people not liking me.
Grateful that I'm OK with cutting poisonous people out of my life without guilt.
Grateful that I'm living and breathing and out of the tunnel.

honeypig

What a great thread! Like you, FS, I'm especially grateful for the checking up I no longer do--such a waste of my time and energy.

I'm grateful to slowly start to remember my own strength, ingenuity and independence (I said slowly, right? S-L-O-W-L-Y!!)

I'm grateful for having learned to find peace, to at least some extent, when I need it.

I'm grateful for finally making some small steps forward in addressing my emotional eating problems.

FireSprite

Oh, you guys have some GOOD ones.

I can agree with so many, but the emotional eating/binge eating/lifelong eating disorder is what I have in my crosshairs right now too Honeypig. I am waging war on my old habits & examining this from every angle to uncover triggers, attachments & fears.

Thank you for this Lillamy:
That is a blessing that should be closer to the top of my list as well. I have far fewer friends since starting recovery, but my remaining (& new) relationships are stronger, more deeply bonded.

honeypig

It is a lifelong thing for me too, FS--at times worse, at times better, but always there. I feel I finally have some tools that will help me get at the root of the problem, not just the symptoms, and I am very grateful for that indeed.

I am grateful that I can feel pleased w/myself for solving a problem or doing something well regardless of whether anyone else is impressed or not. My A often puts down my solutions, particularly of mechanical or household things, b/c he has a better one. Yes, he really DOES have a better one, but he has a lot of experience in these areas plus a natural gift for "fixit" stuff. I have neither, and my solution may not be elegant or the "best" one, but if it gets me to where I need to be, then SCREW IT! I GET TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY GOOFY AND INELEGANT SOLUTION!!!

My goodness, I didn't realize I felt that strongly about it till now...

daydreamer0217

You all have said it all. What a great thread. I would say all of yours too. Especially being grateful to those that love me for who I am. I would add that I am grateful to not have to hide anything or lie to people close to me anymore. I hid everything. I kept it all inside. Now i am like an open faucet. Lol.

SuzyMarie

Thank you so much for sharing! I identify with ALL of what you shared and it helps to know I was not alone in my crazy making behaviors....that can feel so lonely and isolating. Even though I still have my moments, I am so grateful to be out of that relationship. I was a physical, emotional, and spiritual wreck by the time I got the courage to ask him to leave our home. I have to keep myself in check every day because it can be very easy to fall into old habits. I do have some slips, but each time I am able to process things quicker and keep moving forward.

Duckygirl1

I am grateful that I have learned to stop trying to be so darn "together" all of the time. If something isn't perfect the world doesn't stop turning.

I am grateful that I have learned to recognize that I always have choices.

I am grateful not for the pain I suffered with my ex, but that I was forced to look at myself. I may have been stuck in old patterns for another decade.

I am grateful to SR and all of the ESH that has pulled me through many nights when no one else was around.

PHIZ007

I am greatful for SR. and Al Anon.

I am grateful for my beautiful children.

I am grateful for the beautiful things that life has to offer, the smell of the spring blossom, the blue sky and sunshine, and my beautiful family and friends who love me no matter what.

I am grateful for all my lovely mum taught me in life and especially for her wonderful coping ability that I seem to have inherited! It's a year today since her funeral.....

For today I am simply Grateful for this fabulous uplifting post.

Phiz

Liveitwell

This is the best thread I've read in a long time. It's so nice to own up to our faults, sins, bad choices and be FREE of them!! This board literally was there for me when nobody else could be-y'all get it-all of it. So grateful for that. God bless y'all.

honeypig

Thought I'd add this from a site I was reading on today called "Shake Off the Grind":

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha

I'm going to try to cultivate THAT mindset!!

Refiner

That is so excellent, FS. I'm glad you found a way to live your life on your own terms that work for you as that is no way to live.

NYCDoglvr

I'm grateful for my total indifference towards ex and for having peace of mind.