Today I am 30 Days/One Month Clean. Advice Please.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
Today I am 30 Days/One Month Clean. Advice Please.
Day 30 ….a little bit more about me
Well I made it to one month CLEAN and it was not easy!!
A little bit about me getting to my bottom: I am from NYC. Last Summer I moved to California after graduating college to find out more about why I kept using and learned all about AA and what the disease of addiction means. Some would say I pulled a “geographic” I met a great group of guys there were part of a sober living community but due to financial reasons/not being able to balance school and work in early recovery I had to move back with my parents. However, moving back with my parents means living with my brother that is an addict but also an addict that refuses to accept that he is an addict. He is 10 years older than me, started using at 14, has not completed any type of education after 8th grade, and has a criminal record, rowdy and arrogant and disrespectful to my parents. BUT they refuse to kick him out (I am from the South-Asian traditional community in which my parents would never throw out their son) the serenity prayer says “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” and I have accepted this after years of turmoil he has caused me and my other siblings. I don’t minimize my own behaviors in the past or my use of drugs and alcohol but ever since I noticed I am an addict I made active efforts to stop. He even made comments ridiculing my attempt at getting clean. I will have lived at my parents’ house for about 2 months almost and in a few weeks I will be extremely busy with school and job interviews so I will be home less often. As you can see, my journey to get these 30 days has not been easy. But in a way being here back at this house is what I consider my rock bottom. This is my childhood home of trauma but it will also be my motivation to get the hell out of here and STAY SOBER. They say we only truly get sober when the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing. My worst nightmare is to end up becoming exactly like my 40 year old brother living in my parent’s basement and never getting clean. I worked hard in HS and undergrad and I just need to remain patient until I save up enough in the next 5months. Plus, in June the interviews that I will be going for some of them will be out of state so if I get the job God-willing it will work out. I just needed to vent because my brother tried to start another pointless argument today but what I have to do is seriously just stay busy and keep focused on my goal to move from here by the end of the summer. I have also been praying etc.
I was reading an article about the train derailment on AMTRAK. So far it seems as a couple of NY’ers were killed. It is crazy some these individuals were fathers. Fathers that work, a young kid in studying in cadet school. Life is so short. I want to make a difference. It sounds cliché but it is so true. I don’t want my “story” to be about living at this house with my insane spiteful brother. I have to remember when I get an urge to use that I have to stay sober long enough to be able to create a life that MEANS something great. Life is fleeting but I emotions as an addict are SO POWERFUL that they seem like they will never go away. As an addict I feel sadness, anger, nervous extremely higher than a normie but I have to also remember that as an addict I can feel happiness, love, and excitement higher than a normie as well.
Any advice or tip on how to stay on track despite my current living situation? Does anyone else have any similar experiences? It will be greatly appreciated.
Well I made it to one month CLEAN and it was not easy!!
A little bit about me getting to my bottom: I am from NYC. Last Summer I moved to California after graduating college to find out more about why I kept using and learned all about AA and what the disease of addiction means. Some would say I pulled a “geographic” I met a great group of guys there were part of a sober living community but due to financial reasons/not being able to balance school and work in early recovery I had to move back with my parents. However, moving back with my parents means living with my brother that is an addict but also an addict that refuses to accept that he is an addict. He is 10 years older than me, started using at 14, has not completed any type of education after 8th grade, and has a criminal record, rowdy and arrogant and disrespectful to my parents. BUT they refuse to kick him out (I am from the South-Asian traditional community in which my parents would never throw out their son) the serenity prayer says “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” and I have accepted this after years of turmoil he has caused me and my other siblings. I don’t minimize my own behaviors in the past or my use of drugs and alcohol but ever since I noticed I am an addict I made active efforts to stop. He even made comments ridiculing my attempt at getting clean. I will have lived at my parents’ house for about 2 months almost and in a few weeks I will be extremely busy with school and job interviews so I will be home less often. As you can see, my journey to get these 30 days has not been easy. But in a way being here back at this house is what I consider my rock bottom. This is my childhood home of trauma but it will also be my motivation to get the hell out of here and STAY SOBER. They say we only truly get sober when the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing. My worst nightmare is to end up becoming exactly like my 40 year old brother living in my parent’s basement and never getting clean. I worked hard in HS and undergrad and I just need to remain patient until I save up enough in the next 5months. Plus, in June the interviews that I will be going for some of them will be out of state so if I get the job God-willing it will work out. I just needed to vent because my brother tried to start another pointless argument today but what I have to do is seriously just stay busy and keep focused on my goal to move from here by the end of the summer. I have also been praying etc.
I was reading an article about the train derailment on AMTRAK. So far it seems as a couple of NY’ers were killed. It is crazy some these individuals were fathers. Fathers that work, a young kid in studying in cadet school. Life is so short. I want to make a difference. It sounds cliché but it is so true. I don’t want my “story” to be about living at this house with my insane spiteful brother. I have to remember when I get an urge to use that I have to stay sober long enough to be able to create a life that MEANS something great. Life is fleeting but I emotions as an addict are SO POWERFUL that they seem like they will never go away. As an addict I feel sadness, anger, nervous extremely higher than a normie but I have to also remember that as an addict I can feel happiness, love, and excitement higher than a normie as well.
Any advice or tip on how to stay on track despite my current living situation? Does anyone else have any similar experiences? It will be greatly appreciated.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Congratulations on the 30 days .
I think the thing to do with your brother is to remember the pit he's in . You're the sober adult and you don't need to engage or revert back to the roles we played when we were young .
Sounds like you've got a plan to get yourself established in the future .
As for feeling things more or less than a normie ? well as far as i can tell there is no common point of reference to establish degree of emotion that I feel as compared to someone else .
Feelings happen to everyone and i don't think i'm unique in degree or passion , what i do think is i had a real rubbish way of trying to deal with them in the past blasting them away to somewhere where i was comfortably numb .
Which is no way to live .. So living and dealing with it sober is what i do now ..
Keep on , stay the course
I think the thing to do with your brother is to remember the pit he's in . You're the sober adult and you don't need to engage or revert back to the roles we played when we were young .
Sounds like you've got a plan to get yourself established in the future .
As for feeling things more or less than a normie ? well as far as i can tell there is no common point of reference to establish degree of emotion that I feel as compared to someone else .
Feelings happen to everyone and i don't think i'm unique in degree or passion , what i do think is i had a real rubbish way of trying to deal with them in the past blasting them away to somewhere where i was comfortably numb .
Which is no way to live .. So living and dealing with it sober is what i do now ..
Keep on , stay the course
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
It sounds like you have a plan to get out and stay out of that environment as soon as possible and that's good to see.
It may not be easy all the time, but I think is certainly possible to stay true to who you want to be, even in a stressful domestic situation.
Until you can can leave the house for your own place, I would try my very best to focus on my own recovery and what you want from your life.
Your brother has his own road to travel - and it needn't be a template for or an obstacle to your journey
You'll find support here, of course
Congrats on 30 days !
D
It may not be easy all the time, but I think is certainly possible to stay true to who you want to be, even in a stressful domestic situation.
Until you can can leave the house for your own place, I would try my very best to focus on my own recovery and what you want from your life.
Your brother has his own road to travel - and it needn't be a template for or an obstacle to your journey
You'll find support here, of course
Congrats on 30 days !
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations on your 30 days.
I know that under the circumstances it was not easy.
My sponsors wife uses the quote “if we’re invited we don’t have to attend a fight.”
I suggest reading posts on this site called Friends and family.
I strongly suggest attending a bunch of Al Anon meetings in your area.
Both are heavy into recovery for ourselves.
BE WELL
I know that under the circumstances it was not easy.
My sponsors wife uses the quote “if we’re invited we don’t have to attend a fight.”
I suggest reading posts on this site called Friends and family.
I strongly suggest attending a bunch of Al Anon meetings in your area.
Both are heavy into recovery for ourselves.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Well done on thirty days! That's huge. Sounds like you have a plan which is terrific.
As IOAA said, just because you're invited to a fight, doesn't mean you have to attend. Hard to do sometimes but you have to protect your sobriety.
I've noticed with my husband who is also an addict/alcoholic that he picks fights for an excuse to go out and use. Plus there is that whole sibling rivalry thing. And trying to draw someone back into using to not feel alone or somehow superior.
Keep doing what you're doing. Stat above it. Guard your own sobriety closely. Hang out with your support people.
You're working it! Keep going!
As IOAA said, just because you're invited to a fight, doesn't mean you have to attend. Hard to do sometimes but you have to protect your sobriety.
I've noticed with my husband who is also an addict/alcoholic that he picks fights for an excuse to go out and use. Plus there is that whole sibling rivalry thing. And trying to draw someone back into using to not feel alone or somehow superior.
Keep doing what you're doing. Stat above it. Guard your own sobriety closely. Hang out with your support people.
You're working it! Keep going!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 16
Congrats skywalker on your 30 days. I am currently beginning day four. I too have a sister who refuses to be honest with herself about her heroine addiction. Try to separate yourself and focus on you and your goals. Don't buy into your brothers arguments!
Be strong and stay focused. We are here for you!
Be strong and stay focused. We are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
First and foremost, congratulations.
My advice?
You won't like it, but if you follow it, you're remain sober.
1. Stop counting.
Counting only reinforces the prison of sobriety, not the freedom from alcoholism.
2. It is far easier to walk over a stick than it is to jump over a truck.
Thus, don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. All you have to do is not drink today. Today will always, always, ALWAYS be the most important day to remain clean and sober. Put this advice in your proverbial back pocket and never, ever, take it out. Believe me, one day, it will come in handy.. Reduce the goal down to its bare bones minimum and it won't seem nearly as insurmountable.
3. Shakespeare once wrote.. "let go thy hold when a great wheel rolls down hill, lest it break thy neck with following it; but the great one that goes up the hill, let him draw thee after."
You know what this means?
It means only associate yourself with those who are likely to improve you. Keep all other associations to a minimum or disassociate with them altogether...."let go thy hand". This includes, family, friends, and especially other addicts.
Good luck and God bless :-)
My advice?
You won't like it, but if you follow it, you're remain sober.
1. Stop counting.
Counting only reinforces the prison of sobriety, not the freedom from alcoholism.
2. It is far easier to walk over a stick than it is to jump over a truck.
Thus, don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. All you have to do is not drink today. Today will always, always, ALWAYS be the most important day to remain clean and sober. Put this advice in your proverbial back pocket and never, ever, take it out. Believe me, one day, it will come in handy.. Reduce the goal down to its bare bones minimum and it won't seem nearly as insurmountable.
3. Shakespeare once wrote.. "let go thy hold when a great wheel rolls down hill, lest it break thy neck with following it; but the great one that goes up the hill, let him draw thee after."
You know what this means?
It means only associate yourself with those who are likely to improve you. Keep all other associations to a minimum or disassociate with them altogether...."let go thy hand". This includes, family, friends, and especially other addicts.
Good luck and God bless :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Skywalker, congrats on 30 days. that's a great accomplishment.
No matter what else you do, stay sober today. Everything else will fall into place. You will become stronger and stronger with time.
It sounds like you have a great resolve and determination to better yourself.
You have the power to make this change last.
You can only control your own actions. If you stay strong and stay sober, you will be pleased with the results. Everything is much easier to deal with and more rewarding when we don't have the substance fog clouding our lives.
You can do this and have a great start at 30 days!
No matter what else you do, stay sober today. Everything else will fall into place. You will become stronger and stronger with time.
It sounds like you have a great resolve and determination to better yourself.
You have the power to make this change last.
You can only control your own actions. If you stay strong and stay sober, you will be pleased with the results. Everything is much easier to deal with and more rewarding when we don't have the substance fog clouding our lives.
You can do this and have a great start at 30 days!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
mecanix: Thank you so much. Yes, I have keep reminding myself that I am the sober adult and I am not a kid anymore that has to feel threatened by my brother. He is a grown man nearing his 40's and I must keep focus and not engage.
Dee74: I appreciate your kind words! Yes, I should not use him as an obstacle to my recovery and goals. I do have a plan in motion. However, like all plans nothing is promised in early recovery and I just have to remember being sober above everything comes FIRST! I hope my plans do work though
IOAA2: "Just because you are invited to the fight doesn't mean you have to attend" Love it. And thank you for your direct sources. I have never been to Al-Anon. I have done AA meetings but the ones in NYC are much less interactive and friendly than the ones I have been to in Los Angeles. However, I can admit I haven't given the meetings in NYC enough patience and time. Prayers and focusing on school work have been working for me for now but I will check out Al Anon sooner than later. Thanks.
Ruby2: Thanks! Yes I will be meeting my friend who is not an addict on Monday we will be catching up and going out for coffee. I have lost contact with a lot of people I used to be close with because they were enabling my use. But I will be meeting new people in work and school soon enough. Moreover, I agree I have to stay above my brothers nonsense and guard my own sobriety because he truly does not want me to be sober it is unfortunate. But I can use this as a motivating factor rather than letting it break me. And I am sorry about your husband's behavior. Yes, as addicts we pick fights so we can go out and use sometimes its all part of the co-dependent toxic relationship we have with the people in our life. This is why enabling other is counter productive and disastrous.
MissMar: Ah yes, sisters can be a tough time even without the drugs. Hang in there! I am going to try to separate myself as much as possible. My schedule will be much more active starting in a week. I begin my summer session. I am excited to be home less often and won't have to hear him arguing with my parents and his disrespectful behavior.
Amajorityofone: Hey! Thank you and Yes I have to take it one day at a time and remember that staying SOBER TODAY is my #1 priority. That type of mentality is what will get me to long term sobriety. I do have high anxiety and I believe that I have to adapt to this type of thinking.
As far as stopping the counting, its something that works for me especially in the early days of sobriety. It motivates me but I do agree that as I get over the 6 month I will count less. Right now I am just staying on guard and counting helps. Thanks for the advice
Ccam1973: Stay sober and everything else will fall into place. This is simply put and so true. In 30 days I have already started to see that things have gotten better. The things that I decided that I want in my life required that I immediately stop the use. And now things are happening. They are happening VERY SLOWLY but things are HAPPENING. I have the power to make this change last AGREED thanks
Cissy: Ah Thanks! Yes I have to keep my eye on the prize. I have been writing my monthly goals on a word document and I have to remember my goal is to become self sufficient and get the heck out of here! Thanks for rooting for me it helps it truly does
Purpleknight, SoberWolf, gettinsmarter: Thank You guys for the support! I am excited it was tough and the journey is just beginning. I am look forward to staying on this path God-Willing))
Dee74: I appreciate your kind words! Yes, I should not use him as an obstacle to my recovery and goals. I do have a plan in motion. However, like all plans nothing is promised in early recovery and I just have to remember being sober above everything comes FIRST! I hope my plans do work though
IOAA2: "Just because you are invited to the fight doesn't mean you have to attend" Love it. And thank you for your direct sources. I have never been to Al-Anon. I have done AA meetings but the ones in NYC are much less interactive and friendly than the ones I have been to in Los Angeles. However, I can admit I haven't given the meetings in NYC enough patience and time. Prayers and focusing on school work have been working for me for now but I will check out Al Anon sooner than later. Thanks.
Ruby2: Thanks! Yes I will be meeting my friend who is not an addict on Monday we will be catching up and going out for coffee. I have lost contact with a lot of people I used to be close with because they were enabling my use. But I will be meeting new people in work and school soon enough. Moreover, I agree I have to stay above my brothers nonsense and guard my own sobriety because he truly does not want me to be sober it is unfortunate. But I can use this as a motivating factor rather than letting it break me. And I am sorry about your husband's behavior. Yes, as addicts we pick fights so we can go out and use sometimes its all part of the co-dependent toxic relationship we have with the people in our life. This is why enabling other is counter productive and disastrous.
MissMar: Ah yes, sisters can be a tough time even without the drugs. Hang in there! I am going to try to separate myself as much as possible. My schedule will be much more active starting in a week. I begin my summer session. I am excited to be home less often and won't have to hear him arguing with my parents and his disrespectful behavior.
Amajorityofone: Hey! Thank you and Yes I have to take it one day at a time and remember that staying SOBER TODAY is my #1 priority. That type of mentality is what will get me to long term sobriety. I do have high anxiety and I believe that I have to adapt to this type of thinking.
As far as stopping the counting, its something that works for me especially in the early days of sobriety. It motivates me but I do agree that as I get over the 6 month I will count less. Right now I am just staying on guard and counting helps. Thanks for the advice
Ccam1973: Stay sober and everything else will fall into place. This is simply put and so true. In 30 days I have already started to see that things have gotten better. The things that I decided that I want in my life required that I immediately stop the use. And now things are happening. They are happening VERY SLOWLY but things are HAPPENING. I have the power to make this change last AGREED thanks
Cissy: Ah Thanks! Yes I have to keep my eye on the prize. I have been writing my monthly goals on a word document and I have to remember my goal is to become self sufficient and get the heck out of here! Thanks for rooting for me it helps it truly does
Purpleknight, SoberWolf, gettinsmarter: Thank You guys for the support! I am excited it was tough and the journey is just beginning. I am look forward to staying on this path God-Willing
)) 
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