Timetoheal12

A friend visited today. She said that she saw my exabf holding hands and kissing with another girl. She wanted to tell this to me because she didn't knew he broke up with me.

It made me feel sad. It's only been a week and a half since he broke up with me. So they were probably together before he dumped me.

I feel trapped

FeelingGreat

There's no should or shouldn't about feeling sad, so don't beat yourself up about it, just try to divert yourself.
He's an A, and if she has some self-esteem she'll work it out quickly; if she doesn't she's in for a rocky ride.
He's looking for validation, and you can't and shouldn't give it to him.

Duckygirl1

"I feel trapped"

Sometimes what we feel and what is are two entirely different things. You feel trapped. But are you? He broke up with you, you don't live together or have kids. So the only thing causing the trapped feeling is in your mind.

A week isn't a long time so you get to mourn the loss and be sad for awhile. Addicts chase the new high and can move fast. She may not have been with him before you broke up. It doesn't matter. She's won no prize. He's moved on, now you can too! Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it ((((hugs)))

fluffyflea

Why do you feel trapped?

CodeJob

Perhaps you feel trapped with your feelings? I was raised to keep on keeping on and never stop to sit and deal with feelings and emotions.

Take care of you Timetoheal. E-hugs.

dandylion

Timetoheal......in reality, you are "free" from certain unhappiness......

dandylion

healthyagain

You might feel trapped, but you are actually very free. You can tell your friend that you do not want to hear about him anymore. And that poor girl got herself a wolf in sheep clothing. A biter. What a prize . . .

It is not abnormal to feel sad. Or kinda betrayed. But that feeling goes away. It is just a phase, like mourning. Think of all the sweet available guys, and you are free to eventually find one who will be only yours and will respect you. Isn't that great?

FireSprite

I had the same thought, "are you trapped or freed?"

But I think CodeJob makes a great point about emotions. That feeling of stuffing my feelings down rather than working through them definitely makes me feel paralyzed or "trapped" at times.

Timetoheal12

Thanks everyone for your responses. I had a long night...
I forced myself to the light. I wasn't being honest with me. I wasn't seeing things clearly.
I must admit that he really wasn't everything he said he was at the beginning of our relationship... He just isn't.

I was in love with someone who doesn't exist. And I wanted it so badly to be real... and that is my issue here... Because, on paper, I want to find a man who is responsible, smart, funny, kind, loyal, honest, loving.... so why would I want to force something with someone who refuses to be honest with himself?

Yes. I wanted it to work because he was my first love and yes, I was raised with the idea of fixing and trying being better actions than replacing or quiting...

I guess it is really time to stop wasting my time on this...

Thumper

'Feelings are not facts' is one of the phrases SR introduced to me and that has been an incredibly useful thing for me to remember over the years.