Helping Prof In Need of Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 6
Helping Prof In Need of Help
Hi all,
Long time lurker, first time poster, and last time drinker.
29 y/o male alcoholic of four years: heavy drinking interspersed w periods of sobriety and health (former competitive bodybuilder; gluten-free diet and the works) ranging from 1 to 3 months. Over the past year my drinking has assumed a particularly dark demeanor: binge episodes lasting a week or two: blinds drawn and pints upon pints of vodka consumed. I always managed to clean myself up and get back into action, considered a high overachiever/performer at work and very fit and athletic early-morning gym-goer.
This last binge was my last, because
Long time lurker, first time poster, and last time drinker.
29 y/o male alcoholic of four years: heavy drinking interspersed w periods of sobriety and health (former competitive bodybuilder; gluten-free diet and the works) ranging from 1 to 3 months. Over the past year my drinking has assumed a particularly dark demeanor: binge episodes lasting a week or two: blinds drawn and pints upon pints of vodka consumed. I always managed to clean myself up and get back into action, considered a high overachiever/performer at work and very fit and athletic early-morning gym-goer.
This last binge was my last, because
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 6
Helping prof in need of help
Hi all,
By way of catharsis:
29 y/o male alcoholic of 4 years. Addiction characterized, overall, by binge episodes lasting from one day to two weeks; upwards of two pints vodka per day during these times. I one time drank 4 pints in one day. I used my PTO to close the blinds, turn off my phone, and drink myself into an oblivion; coworkers asked me if I went on vacation, or simply what I did during time off....
I always managed to clean myself up and get back to work, where I'm considered a high performer and over achiever. There is also a perverse irony in that people perceive me as a health nut (former competitive bodybuilder and when I'm not drunk or recovering, gluten free high veggie eater and muscular and lean). I say this not by way of grandiosity or to meet narcissistic needs, but to simply show the depths of the disgusting irony and shame I live with.
Last episode began two weeks ago. Cracked open a beer and intended to drink "just" a 6 pack.
AND...here we are, two weeks later and a gallon+ of vodka later...and applying for FMLA. Have had to give supervisor hollow and brittle reasons for my upcoming leave of 12 weeks. I have an appt w MD tomorrow, as well as an intake at outpatient tx center. I intend to enroll in this program and engage to the fullest and use this time to grow as a person.
I've withdrawn from alcohol many times in the past, and await the worst of it tonight. I've sweated through mattresses and had psychic experiences that would put astral projectors to shame 😀. I intend this time to be the last, simply bc I don't think I
can physically/psycho-emotionally endure another go-round.
I'm going to detail my withdrawal and recovery experience on this website for accountability and by way of catharsis (if this is in wrong forum I assume mod will alert me and I'll happily move). I can say that my drinking is extreme and my only hope, aside from my admitted need for catharsis and exposure of my problem to people experiencing the same, is for my experience to be of help to another person who feels like "****, even these people aren't as bad as me!"
By way of catharsis:
29 y/o male alcoholic of 4 years. Addiction characterized, overall, by binge episodes lasting from one day to two weeks; upwards of two pints vodka per day during these times. I one time drank 4 pints in one day. I used my PTO to close the blinds, turn off my phone, and drink myself into an oblivion; coworkers asked me if I went on vacation, or simply what I did during time off....
I always managed to clean myself up and get back to work, where I'm considered a high performer and over achiever. There is also a perverse irony in that people perceive me as a health nut (former competitive bodybuilder and when I'm not drunk or recovering, gluten free high veggie eater and muscular and lean). I say this not by way of grandiosity or to meet narcissistic needs, but to simply show the depths of the disgusting irony and shame I live with.
Last episode began two weeks ago. Cracked open a beer and intended to drink "just" a 6 pack.
AND...here we are, two weeks later and a gallon+ of vodka later...and applying for FMLA. Have had to give supervisor hollow and brittle reasons for my upcoming leave of 12 weeks. I have an appt w MD tomorrow, as well as an intake at outpatient tx center. I intend to enroll in this program and engage to the fullest and use this time to grow as a person.
I've withdrawn from alcohol many times in the past, and await the worst of it tonight. I've sweated through mattresses and had psychic experiences that would put astral projectors to shame 😀. I intend this time to be the last, simply bc I don't think I
can physically/psycho-emotionally endure another go-round.
I'm going to detail my withdrawal and recovery experience on this website for accountability and by way of catharsis (if this is in wrong forum I assume mod will alert me and I'll happily move). I can say that my drinking is extreme and my only hope, aside from my admitted need for catharsis and exposure of my problem to people experiencing the same, is for my experience to be of help to another person who feels like "****, even these people aren't as bad as me!"
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi 1000yardstare 
I have no problem with you detailing your detox - lots of folks do.
It's fine so long as it's not too graphic or ultra detailed. I wouldn't want anyone to be triggered.
It's good to get feedback too, so I'm glad you're posting
Best wishes
D
I have no problem with you detailing your detox - lots of folks do.
It's fine so long as it's not too graphic or ultra detailed. I wouldn't want anyone to be triggered.
It's good to get feedback too, so I'm glad you're posting
Best wishes
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Happy to meet you 1000yard! I'm glad you've made the decision to rescue your life from alcohol. Wish I had done so at 29 - my life would have been so different. We look forward to your posts as you begin your journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. Good for you for taking FMLA to do treatment. That's a great move. I've done outpatient and inpatient. It helped immeasurably.
If you're seeing your doctor tomorrow ask about detox and whether they'd recommend hospital detox or not. The first time I quit I did hospital detox and it was great. Second time I detoxed after a doctor visit. I'd relapsed but didn't go so far down the hole that I was uncomfortable. Discomfort was a huge trigger to drink.
Keep us posted.
If you're seeing your doctor tomorrow ask about detox and whether they'd recommend hospital detox or not. The first time I quit I did hospital detox and it was great. Second time I detoxed after a doctor visit. I'd relapsed but didn't go so far down the hole that I was uncomfortable. Discomfort was a huge trigger to drink.
Keep us posted.
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