meldixon88

My husband finished rehab. We have been having loving connection. But found alcohol in the closet again. Two empty pints. . Ugh. I'm so lost. Is relapse normal to happen after a couple days! I ask him to be honest. That it's ok and I'll be supportive to help him. But he is very defensive. I feel like maybe we just won't work out. But I want to keep my home that I can't afford on my own! I want my daughter to have the best life possible. I don't want to live an apartment like. what are my options?

cookiesncream

Is it normal? I dunno. Is it common? All too often yes. I'm in recovery myself, hit fifteen months sober (no relapses) a few days ago, and I went through a three month intensive outpatient program. In my case hubbie made it clear that one false move and I was OUT so I took it very seriously. I knew there weren't any second chances. That said there were several people in rehab that didn't even make it through the program itself sober. The only conclusion I could make is that there were a number of people that were only giving lip service to rehab to get their loved ones off their backs but really didn't want to be sober. I think this is likely the case with your husband. If he can have his cake and eat it too he will. Sadly you simply have to make the decision of what you are willing to live with. If an active addict is satisfactory then all means stay, if not you may need to make some very difficult choices. Those choices may not be easy or what you want but other people have made the choice to leave and survived. Read through these boards. Many people have been in your shoes sadly.

Best of luck in figuring out what path to take.

fluffyflea

Is he going to A.A meetings???????

redatlanta

I think "normal" is the wrong word because that indicates acceptance. "Common" to relapse is a better one. When people are dedicated to sobriety IMO one should see a period of time longer than a couple of days at out of rehab before hitting the bottle. If committed to sobriety one may relapse, but would then try to get back on the wagon.

Getting sober is much more a mental thing than the act of not drinking. I too question his motivations for going into rehab if this is what you got shortly after return. Plenty of people go into rehab because they have to - their choice is either to go, or lose a marriage or job or something along those lines. They do it to appease - not because they have an honest desire to get sober.

The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself and your child. Stop looking for bottles or evidence of his drinking that will just make you crazy. Denials and being defensive will make you crazy. There is no arguing with an active alcoholic. You don't need to find the evidence to know if he is drinking - he is.

So, what you will have to focus on is if you can live with it rather than focus on him and his issues.

I suggest you try Al Anon have you looked into it before?

Liveitwell

I second this ^^

daydreamer0217

Truth is he isn' t ready. In my opinion. And as far as a house or apt. goes. Who cares? I am not trying to be mean. But the best life possible for your family has nothing to do with where you live. It is how you live. Fanciest house in the world means nothing when an addict is in the picture. Living in your car would be better than that.

Hawkeye13

I grew up in a house with an alcoholic parent
but given the choice (which children never seem to have)
I would have chosen growing up in an apartment with a sober parent.

It causes great damage to live in a dysfunctional household with a drunk.
Often leads to becoming a drunk yourself, and having problems with trust and intimacy.

Worst of all, the relationship the child sees growing up is perceived by them as "normal" and guess who they marry when they grow up too often?

Sungrl

Your child is going to have much bigger issues and a lot more pain growing up with an alcoholic in the "house" then she would in a nice safe loving peaceful happy "apartment".

honeypig

I applaud your desire to give your daughter the best life you possibly can, but like others who have posted here, I feel that using material things as a measure of a "good life" is likely a mistake.

Growing up in an alcoholic home can and does leave lasting scars. Visit this section of the forum if you doubt it: Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I don't think you'll find anyone there who wouldn't gladly have given up any material advantages they had if it meant they could have lived in a peaceful, loving, sane household.

BlueChair

My husband came home for a visit from inpatient and relapsed at 30 days. I got really upset, but his doctors told me its common, and in his case didnt mean much. Its hard to stop because of how the brain works, and coming out of rehab allows for a lot of new stress to be introduced, and people have to learn to cope. Is he working with a therapist or licensed counselor as follow up? My husband didnt do meetings, but he continued to work with an addiction doctor using CBT and other behavioral therapies. These take time to learn, and require practice.

If your not doing it, Id suggest considering family therapy to help you communicate, and work together, have a venue to talk about things with the doctor who acts as a mediator of sorts.

Guilt is really common after a relapse, but all he has to do is figure out what went wrong and continue working on it.