Thatdeliveryguy

the interstellar being, a lost soul t he poor boy that had it all and lost everything.

A psychotic dreaming dreamer, crazy yet crazed, the deprviational depraved fool of incomprehensible enigmatic manic of mania. The schizoid twit of twittering. The empirical failing failure.

Paint it how'd you like, I don't think I will ever be sober. i am sober for a moment, lost for a lifetime. I suppose regular people have the capacity, I am not normal.

One thing I didn't share earlier is, my wife is poised to get full custody, she is about to leave me. She even concedes the fact that I am sober but am far quitting. Her efforts have been recognized and will pay ample dividends

That isn't the road I am on, my efforts are failing horribly. Riding a sinking ship watching them all run away, my friends that is, I guess I am too much for them .

Just alone another night, alone myself again, I don't sleep much. My fears and worse haunt me, doesn't matter I suppose. Destine to failure, that is what time has taught me.

The value of posting has lost its value I don't listen anymore, thinking about just withdrawing and moving on my own. I don't know that I have anything to add or anything to gain.

Nonsensical

I'd believe that horse **** if you and I both didn't know that you've spent most of your time indulging your problems instead of working to fix them.

There's no easy road leading to where you want to be. Roll up your sleeves, grab the wagon, and pull. Nobody can do it for you.

You CAN do this.

trachemys

Jeremy, don't stop trying. You can succeed but only if you don't stop trying.

sugarbear1

inpatient may just help you

EndGameNYC

Jeremy, you've replayed the same cycle over and over again, and the only thing you have to show for it is an abundance of pain and suffering. To say nothing of all the destruction. Those of us who have been here for a while now know when you've been drinking, when you're noncompliant with your meds, when you're playing hide-and-seek with treatment and other forms of recovery, and when you bury yourself in self-pity. We see you for who and what you are, so there's nothing left to say about that.

I don't expect you to suddenly take action based on other people's recommendations. You clearly are not built that way, and all the support in the world has not moved you. This doesn't make you a bad person; nor does it confirm that you're crazy.

A lot of things have been said, but very little has been done. Even under the yoke of the legal system, you waffle and spend a great deal of time figuring out why any particular form of help or treatment is not for you. Even today, you again comment that the "religious" part of AA turns you away. In a recent thread, you took a stab at justifying non-participation in treatment, based on your claim that treatment generally has a low rate of success, and that therefore you'd be better left to your own devices. Speaking for myself, I don't know that there's any usefulness in trying to convince people that the barriers you've created between you and getting the help you need is meaningful in any way. How has this worked out for you?

I don't believe that you get any genuine sense of relief or pleasure from repeating your destructive cycles, or that you want to continue living the way you have. With that, something different needs to be tried, even if it's "limited" to doing whatever is necessary for you to remain sober longer than you have to date. Since you have such a strong aversion to acting on other people's suggestions, then it's up to you to make a plan and stick with it.

With the several opportunities you've had to shine brightly in your own life, you've stomped all over them, returning instead to a life of misery, peppered with periods of grandiose superiority and shameless self-flagellation.

When the walls are falling down all around us, when we're crafting a swift descent into hell, and when there no longer is a safe place for us in our lives, then that's the time to stop despairing and take action. You're very good at making plans. And that's all. It's always been time for you to take action, but you always find ways to stand perfectly still and, ultimately, to make things worse for yourself.

Do something. Life awaits.

mecanix

TDG ,
To find yourself you need to stop getting lost in drink .

Going about trying to solve stuff so you can then be sober is putting the cart before the horse .

Get sober then if you're lucky you get to work at life and slowly chances to re-build and make anew come along .

m

OpioPhobe

Can't never did s***!

Everyone has the capacity, but it isn't going to take care of itself. You have to try. Aren't you tired of living the life of a George Jones song? It isn't like you feel like a million bucks when you are hammered and then regret it when the hangover hits. It is misery from the first sip of the day to the point when you pass out.

Marcher13

Jeremy have you stopped taking your medication?

SoberLeigh

Jeremy, we care deeply about you.

Care in equal measure for yourself. Get to inpatient (Salvation Army).

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Rainbug

You are not doing this alone! We are here.
If we are not all you need get more! Inpatient, outpatient, medications. Just reach out.

ScottFromWI

How is the outpatient program going TDG? Have you discussed the concerns you are sharing here with them?

Meshelly

As a man thinketh.
We have to be careful how we speak about ourselves.
We become who we think we are.
Speak life, love and forgiveness.
Decide who you want to be and tell yourself that is who you are every day.
Paint a picture in your mind of who you want to be and everyday get up and live like you are that man.
Keep your focus on all the good things you have and all the good things you do and all the good things that you are.
When you start hearing negative thoughts it's ok to notice that, but it's more important to replace it with something positive.
Make it a habit. Remember that is your past and you don't live there anymore.
You matter so much more then you'll ever know and your making a difference.
Always be kind and forgiving.
With love
Blessings <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEa0xpWi7C4

Thatdeliveryguy

meshelly thank you very beautiful and inspiring. " Make it a habit. Remember that is your past and you don't live there anymore. You matter so much more then you'll ever know and your making a difference. " Thank you, thank , thank you love this words.

Scott I try to share everything with counselors and everything. I don't know I still isolate, I don't share everything, here I can kind of post anonymously and talk to people. I love the adivce we all know that I don't always take the advice but the voice on the other end of the line always helps.

hopeful4

Jeremy, I hate to say, but what you are saying, that you "cannot" do it, is pure crap. You have done it, you just find excuses to let yourself relapse.

Your wife had a difficult time and she is reaping the benefits of being sober. That is a great thing, and you can do that too. It's a matter of putting what is best for your daughter in front of everything else, even how hard things are. I know you love your daughter so much, so it's up to you, and only you, to do everything in your power to overcome this.

YOU CAN DO IT. Stop making excuses. People with mental illness overcome addiction, and you can too. It won't be easy, and certainly I am not making light of that. However, it is doable, and you have the tools to do it. Use them.

We are always here at the other end, you are never alone.

ScottFromWI

Therein lies what holds you back. And notice that both of those sentences start with "I". Change can only happen through you, so while you think posting and rambling on about all this over and over might be helping you, it's really not. It's just postponing the action that you need to take. We cannot make you do this, and neither can your wife or your daughter or a social worker.

What's it going to take to get you to start taking some responsibility for your actions ( or inactions? )?

Findingtheway

Go to AA.

*The only requirement for membership is the desire to STOP drinking*

Posting here seems to tell me you still have some TINY bit of desire to stop.

They can help. But you do need to help yourself too.

Good Luck. TDG.

ccam1973

TDG, the theme of all of our responses is you have the power to quit.

We all want you to quit!

We are all in your corner and want you to SUCCEED!!

You MUST decide and be 100% committed. I can guarantee that none of us here have had an easy time with this journey!

Stop F***ing around and get serious... you deserve this; you and your family deserve the sober Jeremy.

We know you can do this, we have your back, lean on us as much as you always have... but make a change so that you can be happy!

We are here for you.

site1Q84

I don't like the religious aspect either, but going to AA meetings is one more tool to help me stay sober. They're all hours of the day, and you don't need to participate, just go and listen. If you hate it it's only an hour of your life wasted, and if it works it just may be what saves you. Can't hurt to try.

least

You've shown, over and over, that you can talk the talk. Now can you walk the walk?

PurpleKnight

What is a non regular alcoholic? That's what we have in common Jeremy, we both have a problem with alcohol and being human we both have the same capacity to sort things out, the tools available to any of us are the same!!

You can do this Jeremy, don't give up hope!!