The Language of Letting Go, May 12
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The Language of Letting Go, May 12
May 12
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Intimacy
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects and then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we don't want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs.
Sometimes we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren't available for intimacy - people with active addictions or people who don't choose to be close to us. Sometimes we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
We're afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We're afraid that closeness means we won't be able to own our power to take care of ourselves.
In recovery, we're learning that it's okay to let ourselves be close to people. We're choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, "We're learning that we can own our power with people, even when we're close, even when the other person has something we need."
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
This is the latest visitor to my yard, the indigo bunting. Again, not my photo, but you get an idea of his beautiful coloring, and it's even more glowing in real life!
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Intimacy
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects and then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we don't want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs.
Sometimes we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren't available for intimacy - people with active addictions or people who don't choose to be close to us. Sometimes we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
We're afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We're afraid that closeness means we won't be able to own our power to take care of ourselves.
In recovery, we're learning that it's okay to let ourselves be close to people. We're choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, "We're learning that we can own our power with people, even when we're close, even when the other person has something we need."
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
This is the latest visitor to my yard, the indigo bunting. Again, not my photo, but you get an idea of his beautiful coloring, and it's even more glowing in real life!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
I always enjoy these posts..thank you!
an important reminder for me as I went on a dinner date a few weeks ago. It was so nice to have male adult addiction free conversation over a nice meal.
I love the indigo buntings. When I had my river front farm they were regular visitors; not so much in the city. I miss all of the bird life that had been around me. Beautiful picture, thanks for sharing! ;-)
an important reminder for me as I went on a dinner date a few weeks ago. It was so nice to have male adult addiction free conversation over a nice meal.
I love the indigo buntings. When I had my river front farm they were regular visitors; not so much in the city. I miss all of the bird life that had been around me. Beautiful picture, thanks for sharing! ;-)
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