Well, Here Goes the First Step
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
Well, Here Goes the First Step
Hello there,
So I have joined this group because it's time I move on to become a sober person and I need a support staff. I'm actually glad something like this exists, forums are my format.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I have no idea where to start.
So we start with the name, as my user name doesn't suggest, my name is Tyler (James is my middle name, Wolf not my last name). I'm turning 29 in a month. I have a girlfriend that is older than I (she doesn't look it though), and she has two kids from a previous relationship that I had for a long time grown to be their father. I work for an insurance company as an auto claim handler.
Now to the why I'm here:
I have a drinking problem. I've had one since probably before I was even 21. I like to drink, I like the feel I get from it. But, it has caused me many problems. I have become emotionally non-existent, often only feeling depressed or angry. I have let myself slide into financial ruin, I am facing down a default of my student loans. I have become a horribly partner and had lied to my girlfriend, my parents, my siblings, everyone really about most anything. I wanted people off my back.
When I had a horrible day at work (which is more often than not) I would see if the better day was at the bottom of a beer bottle. I even most recently started to binge drink. This also during the work week.
Now, my family is worried that I maybe too far gone. It's not a far off thought. Financial ruin, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, violent yelling out bursts.
I'm starting to think they may be right. Physically, I have noticed of late that after drinking, I'm starting to actually feel pain in my side. I don't know if it's something bad happening to my liver, or if it's just over worked.
I'm still drinking, but my parents and my girlfriend have made me sign a contract to not be drinking anymore by May 18th.
Honestly, up until today, I was pissed off that I had to give it up. I really had no desire to. But I had a drink today, and I hurt. Physically. I'm feeling pain. I need to stop.
I'm looking for a replacement, something healthy to do instead of drinking, like if I want a drink, I do something else. I currently play hockey, which is a great release, but that is something I can't do whenever I want. So I'm looking for something else
I'm glad to have found a group to bounce ideas off of, to share stories.
So I have joined this group because it's time I move on to become a sober person and I need a support staff. I'm actually glad something like this exists, forums are my format.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I have no idea where to start.
So we start with the name, as my user name doesn't suggest, my name is Tyler (James is my middle name, Wolf not my last name). I'm turning 29 in a month. I have a girlfriend that is older than I (she doesn't look it though), and she has two kids from a previous relationship that I had for a long time grown to be their father. I work for an insurance company as an auto claim handler.
Now to the why I'm here:
I have a drinking problem. I've had one since probably before I was even 21. I like to drink, I like the feel I get from it. But, it has caused me many problems. I have become emotionally non-existent, often only feeling depressed or angry. I have let myself slide into financial ruin, I am facing down a default of my student loans. I have become a horribly partner and had lied to my girlfriend, my parents, my siblings, everyone really about most anything. I wanted people off my back.
When I had a horrible day at work (which is more often than not) I would see if the better day was at the bottom of a beer bottle. I even most recently started to binge drink. This also during the work week.
Now, my family is worried that I maybe too far gone. It's not a far off thought. Financial ruin, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, violent yelling out bursts.
I'm starting to think they may be right. Physically, I have noticed of late that after drinking, I'm starting to actually feel pain in my side. I don't know if it's something bad happening to my liver, or if it's just over worked.
I'm still drinking, but my parents and my girlfriend have made me sign a contract to not be drinking anymore by May 18th.
Honestly, up until today, I was pissed off that I had to give it up. I really had no desire to. But I had a drink today, and I hurt. Physically. I'm feeling pain. I need to stop.
I'm looking for a replacement, something healthy to do instead of drinking, like if I want a drink, I do something else. I currently play hockey, which is a great release, but that is something I can't do whenever I want. So I'm looking for something else
I'm glad to have found a group to bounce ideas off of, to share stories.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Welcome John,
I was in the same place ten months ago. I didn't know what life would even look like without alcohol but like you, the negatives began to far outweigh any pleasure that drinking gave me. Angry outbursts? Check. Pain in my side? Check. Daily hangovers at work? Check. I was also a mixture of depressed and angry all the time. I thought the drinking provided relief in the evening but I was do sick of feeling numb, and again, the daily headache, chills, sweaty face, and little trembles in my hands.
Life is way better without alcohol. I didn't think I'd ever stop but I did by checking in here every day. The people here are amazing.
I was in the same place ten months ago. I didn't know what life would even look like without alcohol but like you, the negatives began to far outweigh any pleasure that drinking gave me. Angry outbursts? Check. Pain in my side? Check. Daily hangovers at work? Check. I was also a mixture of depressed and angry all the time. I thought the drinking provided relief in the evening but I was do sick of feeling numb, and again, the daily headache, chills, sweaty face, and little trembles in my hands.
Life is way better without alcohol. I didn't think I'd ever stop but I did by checking in here every day. The people here are amazing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
Many of your symptoms are very common with people who drink to the point the body has difficulty handling it and can become very dangerous. Have you sought medical advice yet?
If you’re an alcoholic you come with some classic common characteristics. Some indications are denial, wanting to continue to drink, description of life falling around ourselves, drinking to escape and feel better which never lasts, depression, angry, seeing everything as black and isolation which is a killer.
Alcohol is powerful, baffling, cunning and very progressive.
The above can be repaired but not cured just by not drinking and working on the reasons we drank.
First we need to WANT to stop drinking, not the wish washy I’M GONNA.
This starts with not having the first drink one day/minute at a time in a row and accepting we cannot drink in safety.
Accomplish that and we’re on the road to recovery with more work involved.
BE WELL
Many of your symptoms are very common with people who drink to the point the body has difficulty handling it and can become very dangerous. Have you sought medical advice yet?
If you’re an alcoholic you come with some classic common characteristics. Some indications are denial, wanting to continue to drink, description of life falling around ourselves, drinking to escape and feel better which never lasts, depression, angry, seeing everything as black and isolation which is a killer.
Alcohol is powerful, baffling, cunning and very progressive.
The above can be repaired but not cured just by not drinking and working on the reasons we drank.
First we need to WANT to stop drinking, not the wish washy I’M GONNA.
This starts with not having the first drink one day/minute at a time in a row and accepting we cannot drink in safety.
Accomplish that and we’re on the road to recovery with more work involved.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 16
Hey Tyler
My name is Marlene I am 32 years old. I just joined yesterday with with a very similar situation. I wish you luck and am here if you need.
I have been doing a lot of reading lately I find that helps. Also getting outside. Walking, working out, play with the kids/pets outdoors. Or video games even if that may be your thing.
Use this group for support. Stay active, communicate and read!
Yesterday was my first day without a drink in years.
My name is Marlene I am 32 years old. I just joined yesterday with with a very similar situation. I wish you luck and am here if you need.
I have been doing a lot of reading lately I find that helps. Also getting outside. Walking, working out, play with the kids/pets outdoors. Or video games even if that may be your thing.
Use this group for support. Stay active, communicate and read!
Yesterday was my first day without a drink in years.
Originally Posted by JamesWolf 
Hello there,
So I have joined this group because it's time I move on to become a sober person and I need a support staff. I'm actually glad something like this exists, forums are my format.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I have no idea where to start.
So we start with the name, as my user name doesn't suggest, my name is Tyler (James is my middle name, Wolf not my last name). I'm turning 29 in a month. I have a girlfriend that is older than I (she doesn't look it though), and she has two kids from a previous relationship that I had for a long time grown to be their father. I work for an insurance company as an auto claim handler.
Now to the why I'm here:
I have a drinking problem. I've had one since probably before I was even 21. I like to drink, I like the feel I get from it. But, it has caused me many problems. I have become emotionally non-existent, often only feeling depressed or angry. I have let myself slide into financial ruin, I am facing down a default of my student loans. I have become a horribly partner and had lied to my girlfriend, my parents, my siblings, everyone really about most anything. I wanted people off my back.
When I had a horrible day at work (which is more often than not) I would see if the better day was at the bottom of a beer bottle. I even most recently started to binge drink. This also during the work week.
Now, my family is worried that I maybe too far gone. It's not a far off thought. Financial ruin, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, violent yelling out bursts.
I'm starting to think they may be right. Physically, I have noticed of late that after drinking, I'm starting to actually feel pain in my side. I don't know if it's something bad happening to my liver, or if it's just over worked.
I'm still drinking, but my parents and my girlfriend have made me sign a contract to not be drinking anymore by May 18th.
Honestly, up until today, I was pissed off that I had to give it up. I really had no desire to. But I had a drink today, and I hurt. Physically. I'm feeling pain. I need to stop.
I'm looking for a replacement, something healthy to do instead of drinking, like if I want a drink, I do something else. I currently play hockey, which is a great release, but that is something I can't do whenever I want. So I'm looking for something else
I'm glad to have found a group to bounce ideas off of, to share stories.
So I have joined this group because it's time I move on to become a sober person and I need a support staff. I'm actually glad something like this exists, forums are my format.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I have no idea where to start.
So we start with the name, as my user name doesn't suggest, my name is Tyler (James is my middle name, Wolf not my last name). I'm turning 29 in a month. I have a girlfriend that is older than I (she doesn't look it though), and she has two kids from a previous relationship that I had for a long time grown to be their father. I work for an insurance company as an auto claim handler.
Now to the why I'm here:
I have a drinking problem. I've had one since probably before I was even 21. I like to drink, I like the feel I get from it. But, it has caused me many problems. I have become emotionally non-existent, often only feeling depressed or angry. I have let myself slide into financial ruin, I am facing down a default of my student loans. I have become a horribly partner and had lied to my girlfriend, my parents, my siblings, everyone really about most anything. I wanted people off my back.
When I had a horrible day at work (which is more often than not) I would see if the better day was at the bottom of a beer bottle. I even most recently started to binge drink. This also during the work week.
Now, my family is worried that I maybe too far gone. It's not a far off thought. Financial ruin, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, violent yelling out bursts.
I'm starting to think they may be right. Physically, I have noticed of late that after drinking, I'm starting to actually feel pain in my side. I don't know if it's something bad happening to my liver, or if it's just over worked.
I'm still drinking, but my parents and my girlfriend have made me sign a contract to not be drinking anymore by May 18th.
Honestly, up until today, I was pissed off that I had to give it up. I really had no desire to. But I had a drink today, and I hurt. Physically. I'm feeling pain. I need to stop.
I'm looking for a replacement, something healthy to do instead of drinking, like if I want a drink, I do something else. I currently play hockey, which is a great release, but that is something I can't do whenever I want. So I'm looking for something else
I'm glad to have found a group to bounce ideas off of, to share stories.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, JamesWolf. And to you as well, MissMar. You will find a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here. I know I have.
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing. And how we can help.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing. And how we can help.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome to the forum JW 
Signing a contract is one thing but if you're heart's not in it, you face an uphill battle.
Does a part of you still feel that, maybe in a few months, you can somehow still drink and keep the important people in your life happy?
Signing a contract is one thing but if you're heart's not in it, you face an uphill battle.
Does a part of you still feel that, maybe in a few months, you can somehow still drink and keep the important people in your life happy?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
Hello, love your introduction!
The first night was the hardest for me. But my daughter took my wine and car keys and said enough was enough. I had no choice - but I really wanted to anyway. I needed her push to get me going. Just getting up that first morning without feeling sick was enough to keep me sober - three months so far.
You've found a great website. Participating here has helped me tremendously. So has finding a new routine in the evenings (my drinking time). There are many other suggestions on here, hopefully some will ring true for you.
We can expect a sober Mr. Wolf next Monday morning?
The first night was the hardest for me. But my daughter took my wine and car keys and said enough was enough. I had no choice - but I really wanted to anyway. I needed her push to get me going. Just getting up that first morning without feeling sick was enough to keep me sober - three months so far.
You've found a great website. Participating here has helped me tremendously. So has finding a new routine in the evenings (my drinking time). There are many other suggestions on here, hopefully some will ring true for you.
We can expect a sober Mr. Wolf next Monday morning?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Welcome to SR, Tyler.
Congrats on realizing that the real cause to the other issues is the drinking.
I know, a lot about what you said was happening to me as well. I basically lived in a world I hated until drinking. And even that didn't help as the alcoholism progressed.
You know,it all can change for the better. It all starts with a solid foundation . Sobriety my friend is that foundation!
You'll be shocked,as I was how much clearer you'll be able to rationalize issues in your life. Make sound/quick and concise decisions.
Feel in control again.
So glad you're here. Make friends,join a class and use this site as a tool.
I'm coming up on 2 years now. If I can do it, I'm sure you can as well brother.
Congrats on realizing that the real cause to the other issues is the drinking.
I know, a lot about what you said was happening to me as well. I basically lived in a world I hated until drinking. And even that didn't help as the alcoholism progressed.
You know,it all can change for the better. It all starts with a solid foundation . Sobriety my friend is that foundation!
You'll be shocked,as I was how much clearer you'll be able to rationalize issues in your life. Make sound/quick and concise decisions.
Feel in control again.
So glad you're here. Make friends,join a class and use this site as a tool.
I'm coming up on 2 years now. If I can do it, I'm sure you can as well brother.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
Welcome John,
I was in the same place ten months ago. I didn't know what life would even look like without alcohol but like you, the negatives began to far outweigh any pleasure that drinking gave me. Angry outbursts? Check. Pain in my side? Check. Daily hangovers at work? Check. I was also a mixture of depressed and angry all the time. I thought the drinking provided relief in the evening but I was do sick of feeling numb, and again, the daily headache, chills, sweaty face, and little trembles in my hands.
Life is way better without alcohol. I didn't think I'd ever stop but I did by checking in here every day. The people here are amazing.
I was in the same place ten months ago. I didn't know what life would even look like without alcohol but like you, the negatives began to far outweigh any pleasure that drinking gave me. Angry outbursts? Check. Pain in my side? Check. Daily hangovers at work? Check. I was also a mixture of depressed and angry all the time. I thought the drinking provided relief in the evening but I was do sick of feeling numb, and again, the daily headache, chills, sweaty face, and little trembles in my hands.
Life is way better without alcohol. I didn't think I'd ever stop but I did by checking in here every day. The people here are amazing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
First I want to say thank you for all the warm wishes and welcomes. I know I'm in for a long tough road.
Second I want to say sorry for the long lapse in posting. I have been trying to do it on my computer, but it's being a bum right now and not working (it will end up on the streets soon if it doesn't get a job, such as doing what I need to to do). So I'm posting from my phone, it's a bit of a pain, but I plan to use this method more.
Update:
I'm not completely sober yet. I have had a drink a night most days this week. But it's a start I guess. I'm starting to feel a bit ashamed that I haven't cleared out myself yet.
Tonight is going to be the hardest. It's a Friday, my work week was horrible, and I've got not a thing to do. So I'm coming here to talk.
A lot of things said in response to my post are close to home. I'm glad to have a support system.
I just had a counseling meeting the other day. We discussed my drinking, he said that I need to work hard at this and if I don't do it, it's not because I didn't want to, it's because I can't. That made me think, maybe I'm not in control as much as I say I am. Maybe the typical alcoholic "I can quit when I want to" saying isn't as true as I think it is for me. Maybe I do have a problem. I have a lot hurdles, but I believe I can do it.
I need a way to get over some of the stress that comes along with this. I used beer to ease the stress of the day. This week was awful at work and I'm pretty stressed.
Second I want to say sorry for the long lapse in posting. I have been trying to do it on my computer, but it's being a bum right now and not working (it will end up on the streets soon if it doesn't get a job, such as doing what I need to to do). So I'm posting from my phone, it's a bit of a pain, but I plan to use this method more.
Update:
I'm not completely sober yet. I have had a drink a night most days this week. But it's a start I guess. I'm starting to feel a bit ashamed that I haven't cleared out myself yet.
Tonight is going to be the hardest. It's a Friday, my work week was horrible, and I've got not a thing to do. So I'm coming here to talk.
A lot of things said in response to my post are close to home. I'm glad to have a support system.
I just had a counseling meeting the other day. We discussed my drinking, he said that I need to work hard at this and if I don't do it, it's not because I didn't want to, it's because I can't. That made me think, maybe I'm not in control as much as I say I am. Maybe the typical alcoholic "I can quit when I want to" saying isn't as true as I think it is for me. Maybe I do have a problem. I have a lot hurdles, but I believe I can do it.
I need a way to get over some of the stress that comes along with this. I used beer to ease the stress of the day. This week was awful at work and I'm pretty stressed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Have you thought about getting some medical help? The first month of sobriety is pretty rocky: emotions are raw and bounce all over the place, sleep is elusive, aches and pains, fogginess, plus having to deal with all those family members who will be watching you like the last episode of Breaking Bad.
I mean, they are going to be on your side, but adding to your already touchy emotions during this time. Have you thought about going to some recovery meetings?
I mean, they are going to be on your side, but adding to your already touchy emotions during this time. Have you thought about going to some recovery meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Dee74
Have you given any thought to other healthier ways you might reduce stress James?
D
D
I play hockey and that helps a lot, but sometimes it mixed well with beer. I'm no longer drinking playing. But there is a lot more stress than hockey opportunities. So I'm looking for something I can do more than once a week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Have you thought about getting some medical help? The first month of sobriety is pretty rocky: emotions are raw and bounce all over the place, sleep is elusive, aches and pains, fogginess, plus having to deal with all those family members who will be watching you like the last episode of Breaking Bad.
I mean, they are going to be on your side, but adding to your already touchy emotions during this time. Have you thought about going to some recovery meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Trail running is big these days. Time in the woods, just you and your shoes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome to SR.
It's great that you are recognising the symptoms of your alcoholism beyond the getting drunk (i.e. damaged relationship; being emotionally unavailable; financial; lying; etc.) The lying is a tricky one, as we're pretty good at lying, and can do it so convincingly that we fool ourselves a lot of the time. This means that our alcoholic voices can be really, really convincing when they kick in. It was only in sobriety that I finally realised how much I strayed from the truth. It's almost like I have an allergy against reality. That's why alcohol was so great (or so I thought) - what better way to change my perception of reality than get smashed. I could go in the bar sober. Overweight; spotty, with crap hair and a crap job, and a few hours later I was in my own version of reality: 'Wittier; prettier and tittier' and ready to take on the world. It seemed pretty cheap for such a drastic make-over, but it took me a while to figure out the true cost of that self-delusion. Anyhow - You sound very positive and ready to take action, which is great.
The workout method is great, but worth backing up with non-workout things as well. There's always a chance you could get ill / injured / be unable to workout.
There are lots of threads on here about sobriety plans. They're worth having a read of and writing some ideas down.
For me, there was always a social (seems laughable now) element to my drinking, so I've really found group meetings a pleasure as well as a big help and know that my life and how I approach things has really changed since joining AA and starting to work the steps.
I also really enjoy exercise, so that plays a big part in it.
I have read a lot
I had rekindled friendships with people who I'd lost by the wayside because they didn't fit into my alcoholic existence.
Because I am more concerned about my family and others now, I and finding I'm gradually getting busier as I am getting more involved with other people, but that took some time.
A lot of my sobriety plan ended up being changing small habits to avoid triggering places and people, and remembering that if nothing changes, nothing changes.
When do you plan for your first completely alcohol free day to be? Is there a reason that it can't be today?
Welcome aboard.
It's great that you are recognising the symptoms of your alcoholism beyond the getting drunk (i.e. damaged relationship; being emotionally unavailable; financial; lying; etc.) The lying is a tricky one, as we're pretty good at lying, and can do it so convincingly that we fool ourselves a lot of the time. This means that our alcoholic voices can be really, really convincing when they kick in. It was only in sobriety that I finally realised how much I strayed from the truth. It's almost like I have an allergy against reality. That's why alcohol was so great (or so I thought) - what better way to change my perception of reality than get smashed. I could go in the bar sober. Overweight; spotty, with crap hair and a crap job, and a few hours later I was in my own version of reality: 'Wittier; prettier and tittier' and ready to take on the world. It seemed pretty cheap for such a drastic make-over, but it took me a while to figure out the true cost of that self-delusion. Anyhow - You sound very positive and ready to take action, which is great.
The workout method is great, but worth backing up with non-workout things as well. There's always a chance you could get ill / injured / be unable to workout.
There are lots of threads on here about sobriety plans. They're worth having a read of and writing some ideas down.
For me, there was always a social (seems laughable now) element to my drinking, so I've really found group meetings a pleasure as well as a big help and know that my life and how I approach things has really changed since joining AA and starting to work the steps.
I also really enjoy exercise, so that plays a big part in it.
I have read a lot
I had rekindled friendships with people who I'd lost by the wayside because they didn't fit into my alcoholic existence.
Because I am more concerned about my family and others now, I and finding I'm gradually getting busier as I am getting more involved with other people, but that took some time.
A lot of my sobriety plan ended up being changing small habits to avoid triggering places and people, and remembering that if nothing changes, nothing changes.
When do you plan for your first completely alcohol free day to be? Is there a reason that it can't be today?
Welcome aboard.
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