Sad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Sad.
I am going to put this here because I don't know where else to put it.
I miss my husband.
It's summer up here...
We were supposed to take our little boy on his first camping and fishing trips. We were supposed to sit on our tiny deck with the view, grilling salmon or bratwurst and letting the baby play in our laps.
If he hadn't chosen drugs and alcohol and himself over us, we would be having breakfast right now. (Even though I probably wouldn't get a Mother's Day gift, because as we all know, an addict never has money-at least not to spend on you.) Maybe we would take the dog swimming at the lake later.
If he loved us more than he loved himself, even though I kicked him out, he would be on our doorstep trying to fix things. (Never mind that it would only last as long as it took things to quiet down...and then I would find another weird item, suspicious text, or catch him in a lie.)
I didn't marry my husband because I looked at him one day and thought, "Wow, you know. This guy is BOUND to relapse, screw me over, take advantage of me, steal, cheat and lie his way through our marriage. But even though I know that I'm OK with it."
I married him because we finished each other's sentences, or "jinxed" each other all the time.
I married him because when he feels joy, true joy, he laughs like a little boy and his cheeks get red.
I married him because yes, I love him. Because I believed him when he said he never wanted to go back to the addict that he was. (How could I have been so stupid as to think "addict" can ever be used in the past tense?"
I married him because I already know there is no such thing as perfect, and that everyone deserves a second chance.
But I never thought that here we would be, my son and I, with no daddy and no husband. Because the second chance led to a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, until finally I have realised that the only person who can break the cycle of false hope is ME. For myself and for my son.
Today I miss my husband. All I can remember are the good times, and we did have those. And we had dreams and plans, but only one of us was serious about them.
I have to prepare to answer my son's questions about where his daddy is. And why daddy doesn't want him, or love him. And why daddy doesn't love mommy, either.
Those are questions I really can't answer because I don't think the answer is as simple as "daddy loves drugs more".
Maybe this is part of the process, this wishing that he would show up on our doorstep, clean or not, and just SAY that he's sorry and willing to try again, try harder. (But he's said that over and over, and look where we are now...)
That won't happen. Someone we know saw him at the gas station the other day. Said he was chainsmoking, looked like **** and had some fake-tan other woman in the car with him.
My husband's dream was never us, or our family, or our son.
No matter what he's doing now, today I miss my husband. It's summer up here and we were supposed to have a real life together. He used to tell me, "You're going to have to watch me grow old, and wrinkly, and get all forgetful. Are you sure you want to do that?"
Time accelerated, I guess. He's already old (aged by smoking and drugs with a pessimistic outlook on life), and wrinkly (worn in places someone his age shoudln't be), forgetful (he forgot all about us already, I guess.
And I WAS sure that's what I wanted. Just not for it to happen so soon.
Today I miss the person underneath the addiction and the lie. I miss the person my husband SHOULD be, and can be when he chooses.
I put this here because I don't know where else to put it. Today I'm just sad.
I miss my husband.
It's summer up here...
We were supposed to take our little boy on his first camping and fishing trips. We were supposed to sit on our tiny deck with the view, grilling salmon or bratwurst and letting the baby play in our laps.
If he hadn't chosen drugs and alcohol and himself over us, we would be having breakfast right now. (Even though I probably wouldn't get a Mother's Day gift, because as we all know, an addict never has money-at least not to spend on you.) Maybe we would take the dog swimming at the lake later.
If he loved us more than he loved himself, even though I kicked him out, he would be on our doorstep trying to fix things. (Never mind that it would only last as long as it took things to quiet down...and then I would find another weird item, suspicious text, or catch him in a lie.)
I didn't marry my husband because I looked at him one day and thought, "Wow, you know. This guy is BOUND to relapse, screw me over, take advantage of me, steal, cheat and lie his way through our marriage. But even though I know that I'm OK with it."
I married him because we finished each other's sentences, or "jinxed" each other all the time.
I married him because when he feels joy, true joy, he laughs like a little boy and his cheeks get red.
I married him because yes, I love him. Because I believed him when he said he never wanted to go back to the addict that he was. (How could I have been so stupid as to think "addict" can ever be used in the past tense?"
I married him because I already know there is no such thing as perfect, and that everyone deserves a second chance.
But I never thought that here we would be, my son and I, with no daddy and no husband. Because the second chance led to a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, until finally I have realised that the only person who can break the cycle of false hope is ME. For myself and for my son.
Today I miss my husband. All I can remember are the good times, and we did have those. And we had dreams and plans, but only one of us was serious about them.
I have to prepare to answer my son's questions about where his daddy is. And why daddy doesn't want him, or love him. And why daddy doesn't love mommy, either.
Those are questions I really can't answer because I don't think the answer is as simple as "daddy loves drugs more".
Maybe this is part of the process, this wishing that he would show up on our doorstep, clean or not, and just SAY that he's sorry and willing to try again, try harder. (But he's said that over and over, and look where we are now...)
That won't happen. Someone we know saw him at the gas station the other day. Said he was chainsmoking, looked like **** and had some fake-tan other woman in the car with him.
My husband's dream was never us, or our family, or our son.
No matter what he's doing now, today I miss my husband. It's summer up here and we were supposed to have a real life together. He used to tell me, "You're going to have to watch me grow old, and wrinkly, and get all forgetful. Are you sure you want to do that?"
Time accelerated, I guess. He's already old (aged by smoking and drugs with a pessimistic outlook on life), and wrinkly (worn in places someone his age shoudln't be), forgetful (he forgot all about us already, I guess.
And I WAS sure that's what I wanted. Just not for it to happen so soon.
Today I miss the person underneath the addiction and the lie. I miss the person my husband SHOULD be, and can be when he chooses.
I put this here because I don't know where else to put it. Today I'm just sad.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
mnh ... you bring tears to my eyes. I understand exactly how you feel.
I guess it's supposed to be this way, otherwise it would all have been all sadness.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this but it's ok. Anyone worth having is worth the memories.
Maybe you can find something different to gift yourself with today. Something you can do with your son. Putting a smile on his face or holding his hand - those truly are blessed gifts
thank you for writing this post - it brings a lot to me and has touched my heart too.
I guess it's supposed to be this way, otherwise it would all have been all sadness.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this but it's ok. Anyone worth having is worth the memories.
Maybe you can find something different to gift yourself with today. Something you can do with your son. Putting a smile on his face or holding his hand - those truly are blessed gifts
thank you for writing this post - it brings a lot to me and has touched my heart too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 117
Minh,
You are at the right place. There are many of us here standing in the same shoes.
Yes, it is sad and I have come to realize that we may never have the answer we are looking for or desire to hear. As much as it hurts, it is the hard reality.
Please take care of your son and love him extra today. Cherish your time with him.
Sending big hugs your way!
You are at the right place. There are many of us here standing in the same shoes.
Yes, it is sad and I have come to realize that we may never have the answer we are looking for or desire to hear. As much as it hurts, it is the hard reality.
Please take care of your son and love him extra today. Cherish your time with him.
Sending big hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Damn you! Don't you know it is never a good
idea to get ducks to cry?
(Damned things don't have tear ducts so the
whole mess starts looking like someone threw
a grenade into a mascara factory!)
It's OK to be sad. It is an authentic emotion.
It is a reality ( like losing moments growing up
with a young family) .....
that addicts will only find out too late-----
We will sit here and (virtually) be sad with you.
Just be prepared for the question "Hey, what
happened to the duck? Did you hit it with your
car or something?"
idea to get ducks to cry?
(Damned things don't have tear ducts so the
whole mess starts looking like someone threw
a grenade into a mascara factory!)
It's OK to be sad. It is an authentic emotion.
It is a reality ( like losing moments growing up
with a young family) .....
that addicts will only find out too late-----
We will sit here and (virtually) be sad with you.
Just be prepared for the question "Hey, what
happened to the duck? Did you hit it with your
car or something?"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
Big hugs, mnh1982.
There are memories of the wonderful things that happened. Then there are memories of the wonderful things that could have happened.
Deep down somewhere beneath the addiction he has a kind soul, as you felt it when you fell in love with him. I think there is a part of him does love you and your son, he is just not able to access that part while being in active addiction.
I'm glad you had such strength and courage to do what you had to do for your son and your sanity and chance at a life without the chaotic rollercoaster that families and loved ones of addicts know too well.
I feel for your sadness, yet from your words I also feel a sense of new peace. I hope with time you'll feel more of that peace, and joy that you and your son both deserve.
Much love -
There are memories of the wonderful things that happened. Then there are memories of the wonderful things that could have happened.
Deep down somewhere beneath the addiction he has a kind soul, as you felt it when you fell in love with him. I think there is a part of him does love you and your son, he is just not able to access that part while being in active addiction.
I'm glad you had such strength and courage to do what you had to do for your son and your sanity and chance at a life without the chaotic rollercoaster that families and loved ones of addicts know too well.
I feel for your sadness, yet from your words I also feel a sense of new peace. I hope with time you'll feel more of that peace, and joy that you and your son both deserve.
Much love -
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 54
I think i've said before to someone with a similar post, when i left my husband with my 4 year old daughter in tow - he never so much as blinked an eye. There was no "please come back," there was no phone call, he just cut the tie and announced how happy he was that we were not his responsibility anymore...
I grieved. It felt like the person i married was dead. I cried for me, i cried for my little girl and sometimes, i still get choked up when I think about how different things have played out for her than i would've ever hoped. there is no doubt we are better off, but i mourn her and her fathers relationship much more than i do my marriage. It is hard & everything you're feeling is completely normal. Feel all those feelings - cry - be heartbroken and be mad. Just dont stay there
I grieved. It felt like the person i married was dead. I cried for me, i cried for my little girl and sometimes, i still get choked up when I think about how different things have played out for her than i would've ever hoped. there is no doubt we are better off, but i mourn her and her fathers relationship much more than i do my marriage. It is hard & everything you're feeling is completely normal. Feel all those feelings - cry - be heartbroken and be mad. Just dont stay there
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Hi Mnh,
Aww, sending you hugs.
You have been a beacon os strength when I have been feeling these feelings you describe so well.
I can so relate. My hubby and I had plans too. He was a loving man too (until he picked up his addiction).
I have come away on a trip, and I tell you that a change of scene and being around other, more positive people is doing me the world of good.
I still miss him at times, however I don't have so much time to think about it.
Sending you MASSIVE HUGS and please know that you can still have a fantastic life, with or without him. And later, perhaps, with someone who is available to do those things with you, or even him if he did recover. However for now you can focus on enjoying yourself and your time with your baby.
Lots of Love.
Carmen.
Aww, sending you hugs.
You have been a beacon os strength when I have been feeling these feelings you describe so well.
I can so relate. My hubby and I had plans too. He was a loving man too (until he picked up his addiction).
I have come away on a trip, and I tell you that a change of scene and being around other, more positive people is doing me the world of good.
I still miss him at times, however I don't have so much time to think about it.
Sending you MASSIVE HUGS and please know that you can still have a fantastic life, with or without him. And later, perhaps, with someone who is available to do those things with you, or even him if he did recover. However for now you can focus on enjoying yourself and your time with your baby.
Lots of Love.
Carmen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
ExAH has reappeared.
He is back at his dad's house & (of course) swears up & down he hasn't been using.
I'm not super-familiar with the signs of whether or not someone has been back on heroin, even just off & on. So I don't know.
I do know that he is thin. Thinner, even, than when we were in high school together, but it seems more like a thinness of poor nutrition than drug use.
And sad. He looks sad, but so do I...who wouldn't in our situation?
We went to see him yesterday (myself, baby & the dog). We went for a walk outside by the river. I tried to talk to him about everything.
He says he just "wants to be normal, have a job, go to work & come home every day & be a family."
We shall see, I suppose.
I am trying to learn to let his chips fall where he throws them. Obviously I cannot control his actions or things would be perfect & we would never have separated.
Actions speak far louder than words. So for now, I suppose, I will wait to see what he does, without taking too much stock in what he SAYS.
He is back at his dad's house & (of course) swears up & down he hasn't been using.
I'm not super-familiar with the signs of whether or not someone has been back on heroin, even just off & on. So I don't know.
I do know that he is thin. Thinner, even, than when we were in high school together, but it seems more like a thinness of poor nutrition than drug use.
And sad. He looks sad, but so do I...who wouldn't in our situation?
We went to see him yesterday (myself, baby & the dog). We went for a walk outside by the river. I tried to talk to him about everything.
He says he just "wants to be normal, have a job, go to work & come home every day & be a family."
We shall see, I suppose.
I am trying to learn to let his chips fall where he throws them. Obviously I cannot control his actions or things would be perfect & we would never have separated.
Actions speak far louder than words. So for now, I suppose, I will wait to see what he does, without taking too much stock in what he SAYS.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Oh, thank you for posting this...yes, it made me cry since I can so relate to this. I am starting my plan to leave my AH and I think I hesitate sometimes because I look back at all the good times we have had...our plans for the future...but he is in such denial regarding his addiction or problem with alcohol I have to consider moving on...I still love him, but I can't fix him and I can't live like this anymore. At least you had the courage to get out of that relationship...thanks again. Hugs..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
mnh1982.. me too kiddo me too.. reading your post I could see the twinkle in my Eddie Lee's blue eyes and hear his laughter.. why did we marry ... God knows I kept saying no . not again. I had done that been there. and knew that this Range pony with the great gate would be a problem.. but he kept at it .. had a law enforcement friend stop my car on the road back in 1992 in the fall. dig in his pocket pull out a note and go. ok I got it. hey marry the dude before he falls apart would you and hand me the note from Ed asking him to stop me. hahahah...
Eddie Lee is sick with his tummy for the last 3 weeks .. more of the liquid morphine he is drinking every day. and his anger is harder to live with... his fear that he can't find me in public is becoming greater.. going home yesterday I had to pull over and go into tears.. Elvis song on just put me into tears. We are caught in a Trap.. can't walk out love you too much.... why do we do this to ourselves...
because I was brought up you don't give up on someone.. not when the going was so great to start with... so I keep trying.. he has not really eaten in 3 days.. the tummy is screaming at him most of the night.. I lay very still with our cat wrapped in my arms.. Jack's ears go back and forth as we listen to the fight of life and death going on inside of Ed...
My Dear friends of Family Faith and Courage. for we all are the Lion that will have the Courage to face each day and to continue on.. why will we just are not ready to roll over one way or the other just yet..
so Go out and buy yourself some flowers a card and put your kids names on it. I do this every year.. yep for me just me..
and know that the path you have to follow is a sound and good path.. and this will get better. i promise.. prayers and love ardy...
Eddie Lee is sick with his tummy for the last 3 weeks .. more of the liquid morphine he is drinking every day. and his anger is harder to live with... his fear that he can't find me in public is becoming greater.. going home yesterday I had to pull over and go into tears.. Elvis song on just put me into tears. We are caught in a Trap.. can't walk out love you too much.... why do we do this to ourselves...
because I was brought up you don't give up on someone.. not when the going was so great to start with... so I keep trying.. he has not really eaten in 3 days.. the tummy is screaming at him most of the night.. I lay very still with our cat wrapped in my arms.. Jack's ears go back and forth as we listen to the fight of life and death going on inside of Ed...
My Dear friends of Family Faith and Courage. for we all are the Lion that will have the Courage to face each day and to continue on.. why will we just are not ready to roll over one way or the other just yet..
so Go out and buy yourself some flowers a card and put your kids names on it. I do this every year.. yep for me just me..
and know that the path you have to follow is a sound and good path.. and this will get better. i promise.. prayers and love ardy...
Originally Posted by mnh1982 
I am going to put this here because I don't know where else to put it.
I miss my husband.
It's summer up here...
We were supposed to take our little boy on his first camping and fishing trips. We were supposed to sit on our tiny deck with the view, grilling salmon or bratwurst and letting the baby play in our laps.
If he hadn't chosen drugs and alcohol and himself over us, we would be having breakfast right now. (Even though I probably wouldn't get a Mother's Day gift, because as we all know, an addict never has money-at least not to spend on you.) Maybe we would take the dog swimming at the lake later.
If he loved us more than he loved himself, even though I kicked him out, he would be on our doorstep trying to fix things. (Never mind that it would only last as long as it took things to quiet down...and then I would find another weird item, suspicious text, or catch him in a lie.)
I didn't marry my husband because I looked at him one day and thought, "Wow, you know. This guy is BOUND to relapse, screw me over, take advantage of me, steal, cheat and lie his way through our marriage. But even though I know that I'm OK with it."
I married him because we finished each other's sentences, or "jinxed" each other all the time.
I married him because when he feels joy, true joy, he laughs like a little boy and his cheeks get red.
I married him because yes, I love him. Because I believed him when he said he never wanted to go back to the addict that he was. (How could I have been so stupid as to think "addict" can ever be used in the past tense?"
I married him because I already know there is no such thing as perfect, and that everyone deserves a second chance.
But I never thought that here we would be, my son and I, with no daddy and no husband. Because the second chance led to a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, until finally I have realised that the only person who can break the cycle of false hope is ME. For myself and for my son.
Today I miss my husband. All I can remember are the good times, and we did have those. And we had dreams and plans, but only one of us was serious about them.
I have to prepare to answer my son's questions about where his daddy is. And why daddy doesn't want him, or love him. And why daddy doesn't love mommy, either.
Those are questions I really can't answer because I don't think the answer is as simple as "daddy loves drugs more".
Maybe this is part of the process, this wishing that he would show up on our doorstep, clean or not, and just SAY that he's sorry and willing to try again, try harder. (But he's said that over and over, and look where we are now...)
That won't happen. Someone we know saw him at the gas station the other day. Said he was chainsmoking, looked like **** and had some fake-tan other woman in the car with him.
My husband's dream was never us, or our family, or our son.
No matter what he's doing now, today I miss my husband. It's summer up here and we were supposed to have a real life together. He used to tell me, "You're going to have to watch me grow old, and wrinkly, and get all forgetful. Are you sure you want to do that?"
Time accelerated, I guess. He's already old (aged by smoking and drugs with a pessimistic outlook on life), and wrinkly (worn in places someone his age shoudln't be), forgetful (he forgot all about us already, I guess.
And I WAS sure that's what I wanted. Just not for it to happen so soon.
Today I miss the person underneath the addiction and the lie. I miss the person my husband SHOULD be, and can be when he chooses.
I put this here because I don't know where else to put it. Today I'm just sad.
I miss my husband.
It's summer up here...
We were supposed to take our little boy on his first camping and fishing trips. We were supposed to sit on our tiny deck with the view, grilling salmon or bratwurst and letting the baby play in our laps.
If he hadn't chosen drugs and alcohol and himself over us, we would be having breakfast right now. (Even though I probably wouldn't get a Mother's Day gift, because as we all know, an addict never has money-at least not to spend on you.) Maybe we would take the dog swimming at the lake later.
If he loved us more than he loved himself, even though I kicked him out, he would be on our doorstep trying to fix things. (Never mind that it would only last as long as it took things to quiet down...and then I would find another weird item, suspicious text, or catch him in a lie.)
I didn't marry my husband because I looked at him one day and thought, "Wow, you know. This guy is BOUND to relapse, screw me over, take advantage of me, steal, cheat and lie his way through our marriage. But even though I know that I'm OK with it."
I married him because we finished each other's sentences, or "jinxed" each other all the time.
I married him because when he feels joy, true joy, he laughs like a little boy and his cheeks get red.
I married him because yes, I love him. Because I believed him when he said he never wanted to go back to the addict that he was. (How could I have been so stupid as to think "addict" can ever be used in the past tense?"
I married him because I already know there is no such thing as perfect, and that everyone deserves a second chance.
But I never thought that here we would be, my son and I, with no daddy and no husband. Because the second chance led to a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, until finally I have realised that the only person who can break the cycle of false hope is ME. For myself and for my son.
Today I miss my husband. All I can remember are the good times, and we did have those. And we had dreams and plans, but only one of us was serious about them.
I have to prepare to answer my son's questions about where his daddy is. And why daddy doesn't want him, or love him. And why daddy doesn't love mommy, either.
Those are questions I really can't answer because I don't think the answer is as simple as "daddy loves drugs more".
Maybe this is part of the process, this wishing that he would show up on our doorstep, clean or not, and just SAY that he's sorry and willing to try again, try harder. (But he's said that over and over, and look where we are now...)
That won't happen. Someone we know saw him at the gas station the other day. Said he was chainsmoking, looked like **** and had some fake-tan other woman in the car with him.
My husband's dream was never us, or our family, or our son.
No matter what he's doing now, today I miss my husband. It's summer up here and we were supposed to have a real life together. He used to tell me, "You're going to have to watch me grow old, and wrinkly, and get all forgetful. Are you sure you want to do that?"
Time accelerated, I guess. He's already old (aged by smoking and drugs with a pessimistic outlook on life), and wrinkly (worn in places someone his age shoudln't be), forgetful (he forgot all about us already, I guess.
And I WAS sure that's what I wanted. Just not for it to happen so soon.
Today I miss the person underneath the addiction and the lie. I miss the person my husband SHOULD be, and can be when he chooses.
I put this here because I don't know where else to put it. Today I'm just sad.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Maybe Ladies this is why we are all here. a safe and sound rabbit hole to air our thougths in.. a place of solace and Peace.. no one to say. why or how come or you should have.. maybe we are all here to be the sounding board of life to help us go thro so much of this and be safe..
miss my hubby so much the shell that screams at me and is sick so much is not the man that I married .. but after 23 years and so much in hospital stays.. I just want 1 hour of life that I can hear his laughter once again. see that twinkle in his eyes and smell the sugar cookie of his body in balance once again... remember the movie Michael... when I think of my Eddie Lee I smell sugar cookies.. and for that minute I have a small bit of peace...
miss my hubby so much the shell that screams at me and is sick so much is not the man that I married .. but after 23 years and so much in hospital stays.. I just want 1 hour of life that I can hear his laughter once again. see that twinkle in his eyes and smell the sugar cookie of his body in balance once again... remember the movie Michael... when I think of my Eddie Lee I smell sugar cookies.. and for that minute I have a small bit of peace...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Anvil yes agreed! Any more info on what to look for besides the obvious-track marks, etc? I'm really just not super-familiar & could use the info as a way of dissuading myself from believing what the heart always WANTS to believe 
.
And yes, ardy!! All of us are here because often, there's no good way to express to those around us who don't have experience with addiction & its victims what we are going through.
Don't give me too much credit for being brave, my friends. I am battling just as hard with whether or not to finalize the divorce, whether or not to give exAH the chance, now that we're not living together, to prove that he can contribute...I struggle just as hard as anyone with the fact that this was never about not loving my husband.
It was always about not trusting him, and recently, about protecting our son.
.And yes, ardy!! All of us are here because often, there's no good way to express to those around us who don't have experience with addiction & its victims what we are going through.
Don't give me too much credit for being brave, my friends. I am battling just as hard with whether or not to finalize the divorce, whether or not to give exAH the chance, now that we're not living together, to prove that he can contribute...I struggle just as hard as anyone with the fact that this was never about not loving my husband.
It was always about not trusting him, and recently, about protecting our son.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
SEE what you see
KNOW what you know
KNOW what you know
Most times guessing is a way to convince ourselves that things aren`t really as bad as we think. Most times they are worse. Trust that.
Hugs to you because I know this must hurt your heart. But you have yourself and your child to protect, please let wisdom rule.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
I think I KNOW that things are as bad as they ARE, and have been.
You see, this is not just isolated & centered around exAH's "disappearance". It's a relationship-long set of issues that I've had to learn to constantly guard against & second-guess anything he says or does.
It is sad, but it is safer this way.
However, legally, because the divorce is not yet finalized & therefore neither is the custody issue, I cannot keep him from seeing our son. And the last thing I want to do is skew the court's favor toward him because that's what I've tried doing.
So. Complicated. But much less complicated in terms of how I'm handling it than it may sound...
Thank you all for your words of support!
You see, this is not just isolated & centered around exAH's "disappearance". It's a relationship-long set of issues that I've had to learn to constantly guard against & second-guess anything he says or does.
It is sad, but it is safer this way.
However, legally, because the divorce is not yet finalized & therefore neither is the custody issue, I cannot keep him from seeing our son. And the last thing I want to do is skew the court's favor toward him because that's what I've tried doing.
So. Complicated. But much less complicated in terms of how I'm handling it than it may sound...
Thank you all for your words of support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
I suggest you finalize the divorce--if he really gets clean and embraces recovery you can re-marry should you want to.
Right now you need legal and personal distance to rebuild your and your baby's lives.
The custody issue is nothing to fool with. What if he relapses?
Right now you need legal and personal distance to rebuild your and your baby's lives.
The custody issue is nothing to fool with. What if he relapses?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
