New on here: Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 39
New on here: Day 1
Hello, I don't really know where to start. It took me a long time to realize that drinking was a problem for me...I'm 23 so I felt like it was an "age" thing. That I was supposed to go out and get drunk because alllll my friends were doing it....I had my son two years ago. Before him, I partied a lot. I am a full time single mother, so I don't get very much time to myself. It seems when I do get a night to myself I would spend it going out and getting drunk, because I wanted to "take advantage" of the time to myself since it only happened every couple months. I'm not/wasn't a daily drinker. I don't drink in front of my son. I used to think I was a casual drinker but it seemed every time I would go out, I couldn't stop or control my drinking and it would end up in me putting myself in bad situations such as driving, fighting, losing money, etc. I always woke up with regrets, lost friendships, ruined relationships, etc. My family has a long line of alcoholism. I just found out who my biological dad was a year ago and he has been sober over 20 years and my mother has been sober 6. My mother tells me I have a lot of qualities as an alcoholic but I always thought she was just being motherly. I get extremely lonely, anxious when meeting new people or large groups of people it seems that I would drink to take the edge off. I don't feel secure within myself and I always feel there's constant judgement. I know I'm a great woman, mother, friend and I just always worry what other people will think of me. Last night, I drank a few glasses of wine after my son went to sleep and it just makes me depressed. I woke up and realized that drinking only makes things worse and never makes things better. It creates more depression and loneliness for me. I'm looking into getting into AA, I just don't have anyone to watch my son while I go. I also work in a bar so I'm around alcohol alllll the time. I always wonder how everyone else can drink socially, but I can't? It's hard for me to admit to people that I can't drink because I'm embarassed. I'm 23, I shouldn't have a problem with drinking so young, I feel. Sorry it's so long. I vented in the process. I'm more of hoping to hear some supportive words. My urge is the worst at night when I'm sitting by myself and it doesn't help that I have horrible insomnia.😩
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Hi Stecar,
Great decision to quit the drink. You'll find lots of support here, although you may have to wait until tomorrow since the only people up now are insomniacs and some West Coast night owls. Friends from Asia may pop up too! Sounds like your quality of life will improve a lot if you stay off it and like you said, alcohol really makes all of your problems or perceived problems worse. Good luck!
Great decision to quit the drink. You'll find lots of support here, although you may have to wait until tomorrow since the only people up now are insomniacs and some West Coast night owls. Friends from Asia may pop up too! Sounds like your quality of life will improve a lot if you stay off it and like you said, alcohol really makes all of your problems or perceived problems worse. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 39
Thank you! I just want to hear from people that are going through the same thing. I feel very alone and I feel a lot of my friends don't understand or see the severity of it. I grew up seeing people drunk and I just want my son to have the best quality of life that he can have, and that means a sober mother. I want to fix the problem while he is young and I am young. I know my life will be beautiful, I just have to work on this bump in the road.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
I can definitely relate, I was a binge drinker so people who have never seen me wasted may have had no idea that I have a real problem. So they don't understand my need not to. In any event, you are showing a lot of wisdom for your age. I really wish I had quit at your age. instead of letting it slide for so long. Since I didn't have kids until my thirties, I was never really forced to grow up but they are the main reason I have quit. I don't want to mess them up and I don't want them to go through some of the stuff that I did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 39
Anyone who has seen me drunk, or the people that know me the most, know that me and drinking don't go good together....I am usually such a rational person, but as soon as I start drinking it all goes out the window. I work hard, I take care of my son and myself, by myself financially, I want to go to school. It's just a lot. I would think that wine would help me wind down and it just didn't. It just left me feeling emotional. It made me think even more into things. I let every day stressors get to me too much. I need to find a different way to cope, a hobby or something. My grandpa would told me, "you don't do stupid things, but when you do, there was alcohol involved", which is true. It started with a couple glasses of wine a couple times a week to every night just so I could fall asleep. I sometimes work until 2-3 in the morning so on nights when I'm off or get off early, it is horrible trying to get to sleep.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR, Stecar; glad you found us.
Congratulations on recognizing a problem with your drinking habits and your desire to live a beautiful and sober life. You have two of the best reasons to do so - your son and YOU.
Again, welcome.
Congratulations on recognizing a problem with your drinking habits and your desire to live a beautiful and sober life. You have two of the best reasons to do so - your son and YOU.
Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Stecar 
Thank you all for the kind words. Day 2 and I'm awake, healthy, sober and happy. It's nice to not feel so alone.
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