daydreamer0217

So, many of you know by now, that I am a codependent. hi all. and I have made some strong steps to get to a calm, and quiet place, a peaceful place. I thought my AX and I could be just friends after everything, but I could not get over the hurt and anger as lies and betrayal started to surface while he was at his sober living house. The true scope of everything started to come out. I tried to just be casual when he would call and leave me daily devotions, but inside my blood would boil. So, I blocked him from m y phone, but it wasn't enough. So, last friday I changed my number, which was huge for me and a pain in the ass, but i knew it had to be done. I have deleted my email addy that he knows of. I have also had to delete my facebook page. This is what happens when you are friends for over 30 + years and you have all the same friends and your families are friends. Luckily I live in a different state than him, so we never see each other. But now, I have this friend whom I really like, but she is friends with both of us. ANd she knows all I am going through. She used to date my AX 3 years ago. on a side note : they were dating and she went to Cali for a vaca and while there he got a DWI back in SD and went to jail , while he was in the drunk tank, he met a woman and later they both got drunk and got married at the courthouse, it was his 3rd wife. and that is how he ended things with our mutual friend, by phone that he married someone else while she was on vaca. I know, you are thinking what a winner anyway, so of course I would want him right? ! UGH I am so not proud of myself. anyway. She is a friend of mine and they recently started talking again, before Feb, they have not spoken since he dumped her. Her and I talk all the time and lately she has been "keeping" me updated on him. I have not asked or solicited any info. and she is telling me how he likes her and how jealous he gets when she is with other men etc. she read his texts to me the other day, he wants her bad. and this hurts me. so, now, I have to stop talking to her for my own sanity. I can not hear this stuff anymore, I have asked her to stop. I don't think she understands how much this hurts to hear.

I guess what I am trying to say ( sorry guys , i know I am winded today ) is I am so mad at myself guys. I should never have gotten involved with this man, I feel like I am making so many sacrifices, and I am tired. I know this is all going to better me in the end. I will be a better and stronger version of me. But the lifes lessons are a lot. I am tired. I am mentally exhausted.

Thanks all for your continued love and support. I hope some of that made sense.

LexieCat

I think of "sacrifices" as something you are doing "for" someone else. What you're doing is making some hard choices to make your own life better.

I'm dealing with a huge (and EXPENSIVE) problem with my house. It doesn't matter whose fault it is (I have filed a lawsuit but whether I see a dime remains to be seen), I still have to deal with the hard work of cleaning up the resulting mess. It is what it is. I don't think of the money I'm pouring into it as a "sacrifice"--it's just money and inconvenience to deal with something that happened that has affected me.

Sounds like you are well shut of this "friend." Keep doing good, healthy things for yourself and your life will continue to get better.

SparkleKitty

I know how difficult it can be when we codies first start to implement REAL changes to protect ourselves from the toxicity that keeps us from healing. It IS exhausting, but I am very proud of you. At some point, not as far off as it feels, you will begin to reap the dividends of this investment in your own peace of mind. Until then, try to take it all just one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. You did the best you could with what you understood at the time.

daydreamer0217

you are right Lexie, sacrifices maybe wasn't the right word. and yes, in the long run, I will be better. I know this is for me. it just sucks today, I don;t wanna be strong today LOL, pouts and stomps off.... good luck on your house issues, that sucks

SadInTX

At least you started the process of getting him out of your life. I am a co dependent as well and I know from experience how difficult that is. So good job on that!
What are you getting out of this relationship with your friend? Does she live in your city? It sounds like you are better off not talking to her...it just leads to the pain of this man that you are trying to get out of your life. It might even do her some good too.... don't beat yourself up...some people out there have those personality characteristics that just pull us in...wish they had a "Caution, Do Not Enter" sign on their forehead for us codies....lol

daydreamer0217

thanks hon, I am doing the best I can, and I need to ask myself why her friendship means so much to me. one day at a time ....

biminiblue

The woman is just as toxic as your ex, to be honest.

She knows it hurts you to see the communication between them. She is not a friend. You are good to be rid of her. That's nuts.

daydreamer0217

i literally just this minute downloaded Codependent No More on my phone. time to start reading, thanks for all of you who told me to read it. I am looking forward to it. off I go...

Duckygirl1

Biminiblue 100% !

So proud of the steps ur taking! But this ain't no stable mabel you're dealing with. Am I understanding that she's giving him attention after he dumped her to marry a woman he met in the drunk tank? Wow. And I thought rehab romance was bonkers! Oh, dear one, please excise this woman like a cyst in a YouTube video and regain your peace! (((Hugs)))

FeelingGreat

daydreamer, the steps you have taken with communications are really healthy so congratulations for that. If you want to keep your friend, try asking her again only much more plainly that you can hear nothing about your ex. Ask her if she understands. Then if she does it again, you might have to bail out.