amandamarie

So I have a moral dilemma. Their is a neighbor boy who rides the bus with my daughter. We met the family when we first moved here, and at first they acted normal. But within a week they started showing their true colors, and I have since had to keep my daughter away from them. But we still have to be at the bus stop with them, and she is stuck riding the bus with the boy. He literally is the worst child I have EVER met. To give a few examples, he curses, exposes his privates, hits, is mean to animals, and recently defecated in an alley, and through it at the neighbor boy. The school had suggested to the family to get him to mental health after he threatened to bring a gun to school, and kill people, but the parents are in denial of how bad this kid needs help.
I have seen him get slapped in the face, and the mother at times carries a spoon that she hits him in the arms with it, but mainly for being annoying not even for good reasons. They hit him for little things, and just ignore the major issues. I for one am not the type of person to beat my kid, but if they had smacked his butt I would say oh well it is their kid, but the way they hit him seems so wrong to me. Not to mention the not disciplining the big things is really doing him an injustice.
He tortures my daughter everyday and a couple weeks ago I had enough. She got off of the bus, and she told the mother and I that he had exposed himself to her(in different words) and that he punched her in the throat when she said that she was telling. The mother's response was; "Be quiet, I think you are lying, why does everyone try to get my kid in trouble." I lost it. I told her it was because her child is awful, and I then pointed my finger in his face and told him that he better never expose himself or touch my child again. He laughed, and called me a f****** b****. His mother did nothing. I mean maybe I was wrong for getting in a child's face, but I will not have someone treat my daughter that way.
Anyway, I went to the school and he was kicked off of the bus for 5 days, but is now back, and being just the same as before. I feel like not only is the hitting abuse, but not teaching him right from wrong is hurting him to. How will he ever learn that what he is doing is not okay if they just ignore it because it is easier? She actually told me a couple days after he got back from the suspension that she knows that he is bad, but she gets tired of hearing it. I could not believe someone could be such a lazy parent. He is fed, clothed, and financially taken care of but is hit, cursed at, and not taught anything about how to act properly. What would you do? I am at my wits end with watching this.

Cauliflower

Horrible situation to be in. Especially for the kids, who are helpless. The adult's on the other hand can do something. Why the school is not involved in his mental well being is beyond me, they must be onto the family and offering some help for the child. If I was in your shoes, I would call child protective services. If anything, they already have a file open for this family, and it will reinforce that fact that the family is in need for help.

PS: You did the right thing when you brought attention to the inappropriate behavior of the boy. In your daughters eyes, it reinforced your commitment of protecting her from harm. She probably felt 1000% better about telling someone and being supported at the same time!

hopeful4

Oh wow. How awful. I would absolutely be reporting them to CPS. I would also be calling the school principal and counselors and push the issue with them. I would move my child to the front of the bus right behind the driver, and make sure the driver knows whats going on.

I am so sorry.

amandamarie

I did have her moved to right in the front, but he is still close. I also did talk to the principal who made it very obvious he has to deal with him a lot. I can not understand why the school doesn't do more to get the child help. They do still have a case on file with CYS for a cigarette burn that was found on the child. I have heard the mother talk about it. She said they saw that she had food ,and the house was clean, and left. Maybe if they get another report they will look further into the situation. She seems to think that the way he acts is just how children are, but I think deep down she knows it is not normal, but is to lazy to deal with it properly.

happyandfree

I would call cps and report. You can make the report anonymous if you want.

Wholesome

Years ago I drove a school bus when my boys were babies. I had a kid on my route who was severely disabled (I drove the wheel trans bus), he was covered in lice and cockroaches literally feel out of his wheelchair. This poor sweet child who was the most vulnerable was left by his mother to itch from lice and have roaches live in his chair! He kept me up at night. I thought about him all the time. I spoke to his personal support worker who go him on the bus in the morning.... this was a man who was assigned to the child and would get him ready in the morning due to his disability. The man told me that the house was atrocious, that he bagged his shoes and belongings before he entered so he wouldn't bring bugs home. I spoke to the school and the principle told me she had to fight the mother to have him spent to the special needs school and who would pick the lice out of his hair every day so he wouldn't have to go home and itch so badly. It was during my non stop inquiries that children's aid was called.... I just couldn't wrap my head around it and it haunted me.

My vote is always for those who don't have a voice.

Ruby2

How old is this kid? document, document, document everything. Every little thing that you see or that your daughter experiences. Raise a stink at the school. If they don't do anything, call the police. This boy exposed himself to your daughter and he hit her when she said she would tell. It's going beyond bullying to criminal behavior and if his mother is turning a blind eye to the fact that she's raising a thug, then maybe the courts will get her attention although parents that think their kids do nothing wrong and that everyone is out to get them tend to be a bit blind, to put it lightly.

I was unmercifully sexually harassed at high school, every day, when I was 14 by two boys in my home room. They turned my freshman year into a truly miserable and anxiety filled experience. I never told my parents and was too fearful to stand up for myself and tell a teacher. The fact that you are aware of what is going on means you can fight for your daughter's interests and that is to be free of this garbage.

It isn't what the parents are doing to this kid, it's what this kid is doing to victimize other kids and he needs some serious intervention right now or he's certainly going to end up in jail.

Ruby2

And part of the intervention is going to see just what is going on at home so all the hitting will come out.

Berrybean

These are the questions I ask myself when making a decision nowadays (I'm AA so they may or may not help you decide, but it's worth a go)...

What would a long term sober person do?
What would God have me do?
What is the loving thing to do?
Is my motive good?

Re. Child protection... as a teacher there have been a number of times past and present where I've been really frustrated as I (and the school) have reported serious concerns. This is not done lightly, and we expect to see something happen, and then... nothing. I often feel that if other people out of school also voiced their concerns then Social Services might take the case more seriously and get it to the top end of their 'to do' pile. Sometimes I wonder if they think us in school are just an overprotective lot. Mostly I despair at the case-load they have and think that unless they're given more resources there will be children and families at continued risk.
It sounds like a very sad situation. The school obviously share your concerns. What would your reasons be for not making the call? Maybe write them down. Then do the same for the reasons that you would make the call. It's a toughie. x

FeelingGreat

Hi Amanda, if it were me I would write to the district or state education authority, (in IOW the principal's boss) and say that you think the school should be more proactive about this boy. Obviously they're aware of what's going on, and it will happening in the school grounds and class as well. What you have is children being sexually and physically abused and the school not protecting them. This could leave them open to a lawsuit if they fail to take action.
If you don't have satisfaction very soon, consider calling your local (congressman, state member, senator)'s office and talk to the staff there. They often have a list of key contacts in government departments and can get action like no others.

trachemys

I think I'd head for the police and a restraining order. (Can you get a restraining order against a child?) This kid and his parents need to be acquainted with their future life as soon as possible.

GracieLou

If you give me their information I will call myself! I am serious.

Soberwolf

im with Hopeful & Gracie on this

amandamarie

Thank you everyone for the advice. I know I have to call. I tried to talk to them about his behavior, in hopes that it would make a difference, but it is not going to obviously. I also thought about seeing if charges can be filed in some way against a child,but from what I saw they can not really charge an 8 year old. I was honestly so worried about my daughter's well being that I really did not worry about him at first. I was just worried that he be punished for his actions. It was wrong, but in the beginning I just saw a horrible child who made my kid miserable, but the more I see how he is treated I see the problem. He also really raised a red flag with me when a few days ago at the bus stop my daughter asked if my boyfriend would rub my belly to give her a baby sister, and he said, "That's not how you have babies you have sex." I was just shocked. I mean is he molested what the heck is going on in that home. But I am going to call. I am going to remain anonymous for now, and then if nothing happens I will have to call the police and say who I am. My first priority is protecting my child, and I am worried the flashing will lead to touching or something worse happening on the bus. I feel as though the school has really let me down on protecting my kid, and now it is up to me to put a stop to it. Thanks everyone I know what I have to do.

aasharon90

I can never understand why so many ecnore
situations like this. Like sweeping it under the
rug. Folks waiting for something so horrible
to go wrong before doing something about it.

Abuse seems to be obvious to me. Abuse,
not matter what it is, physical, emotional,
verbal, physcological.....

All I know is, abuse hurts.

The child does need special focus on his
situation, and as much as I don't like hearing
how mean he is, I still feel for him. Many
children have no idea why they do the
mean things they do, some may, however,
I believe in this situation, the parents have
a hand in the way he is being raised.

If I had the power to remove that little
one from that inviroment not only for
his safety but for others he is in contact
with, I would.

He is a danger to himself as well as others.

All children deserve a chance in life to
be healthy and happy and I wish this little
one could one day.

Just my thoughts.

LBrain

Calling the police or filing a "police report" would be futile. If anything it would aggravate the situation of they did decide to contact the parents. And legally there is nothing they can do short of asking the parent to do a better job...

Feeling Great has the best answer in my opinion. First of all, cps or whatever agency it is should be contacted. It should be done in a manner as to protect your own child from the outfall off the neglect.
Basically the collateral damage.

Then your concerns for the child should be brought up.

"Going after" this child/parents can come across as vindictive. You must first show the harm and effect it is having on your child's well being. Do that then embellish the story. Include a threat to pull your child from school if nothing is done. Unfortunately school is almost out so most likely this will be swept away until another year.

Still, write to the authorities and CC the school principal and school board president/members. Let them know that the press will be hearing about it next. Fear of exposure gets things done.

Anna

I am glad that you are doing something to help this situation.

I agree that protecting your child is the priority and documenting daily what happens is a good thing to do.

But, the boy desperately needs help. If he acts like this at age 8, imagine what he will be like as a teenager. Keep pestering the school if there anything that happens on the bus or at school.

amandamarie

Tomorrow as soon as the child services and school open I am gonna get on the phone. I know the school did suggest mental health, but they chose to not take him. Maybe CYS can light a fire under their butt to get him help. I know the first time they did nothing, because the kid was fed and clothed, and taken care of in that way. But they did not notice the other neglect that is happening. To refuse to get a troubled child help is neglect. I do feel for the child, but my first priority is that he no longer is doing these things to my kid. I feel like her hearing about sex, and seeing a private part at her age in like stealing her innocence. I know some think it is wrong that I did not call CYS right away, but I really had faith that the school would call them, or do something about the situation. I reported it to everyone at the school that I could in hopes that they could deal with it. But since they did not it is time I step in.

Opivotal

I don't know if this is feasible amandamarie, but would driving your daughter to school be an option?

I would maybe consider this along with filing a complaint with the School District. I'm so sorry this is going on. Sorry for you and your child.

Gonnachange

I would absolutely get in contact with CPS or whatever the organization is called in your state. I would also not hesitate to voice your concern to not only the school, but the principal's superior. I know all this has been mentioned by others before, but I just wanted to add another post to support you as you takes steps to advocate and protect your daughter and in the end hopefully help the boy back on track.