Aggie812

I am no longer with my ex. However, I spoke to him maybe once or twice after he returned from detox. The minute I open my mouth and ask a question, I get an off the wall remark, like why are you asking me that?! Oh I can't deal with this, all of this is overwhelming... blah, blah, blah. I think I was just asking a question in normal conversation and he got crazy & psychotic. Is this common? Also why does the addict who admits he's an addict get pissed when the other person calls them an addict? ! I don't friggin get it. The last time I said something about him being an addict, he lashed out at me and said stop calling me a "junkie"! WTF???

I'm no longer with him, but I always wondered the sudden mood change, when someone is in early recovery. I don't quite get it.

CodeJob

So when my H got home from rehab, he would point out to me all the alcoholics picking up Big Gulps and their little plastic liquor bottles to go to work!! Then he'd point out for me all the alcoholics at the bar. He'd watch them with some weird sort of longing and sadness on his face. He'd watch them drink. I thought this new open viewpoint was a door I could walk through but I was WRONG.

Mourning the drug of choice is a long and complicated process that is coupled with DENIAL. My RAH coldly informed me in early days that I could not call him an alcoholic. I must have looked at him like he grew two heads. Maybe he did for awhile. He often referred to himself as having an 'allergy" to alcohol. And I learned to just nod and tell myself 'whatever he needs to say to himself to stay sober is not my problem'. Then he would self-identify and use the term alcoholic.... then it submerges again and we are back to his previous anxiety issues magically cured with ceasing alcoholic drinking...

My main problem in early days was staying out of his way and controlling a mind compulsion to buy a taser. I totally feel your frustration in trying to communicate with a changeable beast.

Lily1918

Addicts are emotionally stunted. They remain at the maturity level they were at when they started using. For AH and I, that made us about 16 emotionally.

Drugs are an escape from negative emotions. An addict gets mad, then they have an excuse to use. There are no anger management skills because the drug erases the anger, even if only for a limited time.

There is a stage of grieving as well. Denial, anger, depression, bartering, and hopefully acceptance. It's not much different than what we see in family members when a loved one is separated from them for whatever reason.

Addicts have mood swings in early recovery for the same reasons people react so strongly to a break up. That's why so many elders in NA recommend staying iut of romantic relationships for the first year of recovery, or living apert from a spouse for a while. For us, marriage counselling isn't in the cards yet.... a year and a half later.

Addicts get upset for being called addicts if they feel it's being used as a derogatory term.

At the same time....

A clever addict knows all of these things because they were taught in treatment, and can use this knowledge, twist and pervert it to meet there own desires to separate themselves from friends and family so that they can use.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling. The source of an addicts anger issues can be very complex, but it is definitely a common acurence

zoso77

He's an addict.

This is what addicts do.

I learned a long time ago to not ask questions that could potentially send me down the proverbial rabbit hole. For me, it's like asking why the sky is blue. Yes, we could get into molecular scattering, but it doesn't change the answer. It just is.

The same truism holds for addicts.

And please be aware that just because he is currently abstaining from drugs does not mean he's in recovery. Given his behavior and his duplicity with respect to your relationship, I don't consider that promising.