Heart broken by boyfriend addicted to drugs.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
Heart broken by boyfriend addicted to drugs.
I've known my now ex boyfriend since high school. We have been dating on and off for 8 years. We have a three year old daughter and for the last 4 years we have been going strong with some bumps along the road.
I didn't find out he was a drug addict until I was 6 months pregnant with our child. we started practically living together and I would notice that my money would go missing. At the time I didn't know the severity of his actions. I never known anyone addicted to drugs or alcohol. It was after I had given birth to my daughter when I realized how bad it was. He was there with me the whole time during the birth and was so happy but as soon as we got home he stole the pain pills that I had just gotton from giving birth. I kicked him out but it wasn't for long because I just had a child I wanted him to step up and be a man and be there for us.
Things kept going downhill. He stole from any and everybody. Mother, grandmother, brother, and me. After being arrested for stealing from his brother he decided to go to rehab for thirty days.
In the past 3 years he has been to rehab twice. He recently left to go to rehab in another city for 4 weeks in April of 2014. After rehab he stayed in a half-way house. I am finishing nursing school and our plan was that he would stay there for a year while I finish school and we could find a place up there. To get away from all of his drug friends and to start our life. He came home on holiday weekends and birthdays to spend time with me and our daughter. When he first came home he had extra money. 9 months into it he never had any extra money. It should have been a red flag.
I had to find out through facebook that he got kicked out of half-way house and was living with another woman. The manager at the job he had started working at. It broke my heart to pieces. The week before I found out he was home. Which was strange because he could only come home for two-three nights.
I didn't want to believe that something happened although I had my suspicions. He kept saying he didn't want to go back and he wanted his fsmily. One night he came over and I just knew he was high but kept saying he was just sleepy tired.
He went back to the other woman after his parents told him he couldn't live with them anymore. I didn't know that he was in trouble. I would have done anything to help him. I've been supporting him for the longest while staying true and honest to him. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. He's on fb pretending to be in love and happy. I feel like me and my daughter never even mattered. I also found out that he hasn't paid any child support in a year. His mother had been paying it.
I don't know how to get over this... Is there anybody that can give me advice on how to let go and stop worrying about him and if he's ok? He obviously doesn't care about me or his child.
I didn't find out he was a drug addict until I was 6 months pregnant with our child. we started practically living together and I would notice that my money would go missing. At the time I didn't know the severity of his actions. I never known anyone addicted to drugs or alcohol. It was after I had given birth to my daughter when I realized how bad it was. He was there with me the whole time during the birth and was so happy but as soon as we got home he stole the pain pills that I had just gotton from giving birth. I kicked him out but it wasn't for long because I just had a child I wanted him to step up and be a man and be there for us.
Things kept going downhill. He stole from any and everybody. Mother, grandmother, brother, and me. After being arrested for stealing from his brother he decided to go to rehab for thirty days.
In the past 3 years he has been to rehab twice. He recently left to go to rehab in another city for 4 weeks in April of 2014. After rehab he stayed in a half-way house. I am finishing nursing school and our plan was that he would stay there for a year while I finish school and we could find a place up there. To get away from all of his drug friends and to start our life. He came home on holiday weekends and birthdays to spend time with me and our daughter. When he first came home he had extra money. 9 months into it he never had any extra money. It should have been a red flag.
I had to find out through facebook that he got kicked out of half-way house and was living with another woman. The manager at the job he had started working at. It broke my heart to pieces. The week before I found out he was home. Which was strange because he could only come home for two-three nights.
I didn't want to believe that something happened although I had my suspicions. He kept saying he didn't want to go back and he wanted his fsmily. One night he came over and I just knew he was high but kept saying he was just sleepy tired.
He went back to the other woman after his parents told him he couldn't live with them anymore. I didn't know that he was in trouble. I would have done anything to help him. I've been supporting him for the longest while staying true and honest to him. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. He's on fb pretending to be in love and happy. I feel like me and my daughter never even mattered. I also found out that he hasn't paid any child support in a year. His mother had been paying it.
I don't know how to get over this... Is there anybody that can give me advice on how to let go and stop worrying about him and if he's ok? He obviously doesn't care about me or his child.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Brokenheart,
Welcome to SR!
When I initially kicked my H out, I used the Serenity Prayer every time I started to notice my mind was spinning into 'what ifs and worrying.' Now I often visualize a hula hoop when I am dealing with him. A lot of his problems, even sober, have nothing to do with me.
I suspect you are already accustomed to being the only parent? Setting boundaries with my H actually made parenting easier for me. My teen knows I will hold him accountable.
The best book for my learning how to live with more clarity in my role in relationships was Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I hated that term, bought a copy begrudgingly, then wound up highlighting a few chapters completely.
Welcome to SR!
When I initially kicked my H out, I used the Serenity Prayer every time I started to notice my mind was spinning into 'what ifs and worrying.' Now I often visualize a hula hoop when I am dealing with him. A lot of his problems, even sober, have nothing to do with me.
I suspect you are already accustomed to being the only parent? Setting boundaries with my H actually made parenting easier for me. My teen knows I will hold him accountable.
The best book for my learning how to live with more clarity in my role in relationships was Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I hated that term, bought a copy begrudgingly, then wound up highlighting a few chapters completely.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
The Serenity Prayer has been keeping me going! I only found everything out about two weeks ago. I've been praying and asking God for the strength to walk away because I know there is nothing I can do. He has to want to change.
I am used to parenting alone. But do I continue to allow him to come in and out of her life? He decided to leave us. Don't know the next time we will see him again. I feel like I shouldn't let him come around until he's clean. And I definitely don't want her around some woman who I know nothing about
I will be purchasing that book today. They used to talk about codependents during the meetings I would attend. Maybe it can help me too!
I am used to parenting alone. But do I continue to allow him to come in and out of her life? He decided to leave us. Don't know the next time we will see him again. I feel like I shouldn't let him come around until he's clean. And I definitely don't want her around some woman who I know nothing about
I will be purchasing that book today. They used to talk about codependents during the meetings I would attend. Maybe it can help me too!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
I've found a fair number of martyrs in health care. The book will help you with work relationships too.
You ask should you allow him to come in and out of her life. I suspect he will do this if he remains in and out of active addiction. I think your idea about requiring him to be clean for a visit is fair. The result of that boundary might wind up meaning he will come in and out of her life... But that is a consequence of choosing to put addiction before fatherhood and you allowed him the open door for visitation if he was clean.
take care!
You ask should you allow him to come in and out of her life. I suspect he will do this if he remains in and out of active addiction. I think your idea about requiring him to be clean for a visit is fair. The result of that boundary might wind up meaning he will come in and out of her life... But that is a consequence of choosing to put addiction before fatherhood and you allowed him the open door for visitation if he was clean.
take care!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Hi Brokenhearted,
I haven't got too much to say as I am feeling tired tonight. However I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a lovely, caring person with a sensible head and a good parent.
Sending good vibes.
I haven't got too much to say as I am feeling tired tonight. However I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a lovely, caring person with a sensible head and a good parent.
Sending good vibes.
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