sauerkraut

Hi,
I haven't posted in awhile, a time full of ups and downs, optimism and pessimism, but also increasing ability to maintain my own calm/peace/happiness despite my husband's issues.

Finally my husband agreed to let me come to his doctor's appointment tomorrow, which is a major breakthrough. In the past he's claimed that it's his issue, he doesn't want me there when he talks to his doctor, etc. He's met with this doctor, his GP who also happens to be certified in substance abuse treatment, about 3 times over the last year.

I'm relieved and excited to be 'invited.'

Here's my question: what would you recommend in terms of my role? What if my husband makes claims that are factually inaccurate (but which he himself seems to believe) such as that he's successfully gone for months without drinking whereas I know, from being with him, that the longest he's abstained is 3 weeks, and that has happened twice in the last 7 years of his heavy ('handle' of vodka most nights) drinking?

I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive while also making sure the doctor understands the severity of his addiction. If I undercut my husband's claims, I won't be invited back. But if he's painting his generally rosy self-assessment to the doctor, that's not getting anywhere either.

What I want is for my husband to 1) get his labs done, which he's avoided for months, 2) start taking Naltrexone, which the doctor prescribed last fall but which he resists taking, I think because he doesn't want to give up the alcohol buzz, and 3) get into a support group and start attending regularly.

I need lessons in careful diplomacy here. Advice?

PinkCloudsCharley

That's a hard one, sauerkraut. I have a tough time doing that at our counseling appts so I know it's a fine line to walk.

Would you be able to speak to the Dr alone? that would be hard but probably the best way to speak freely.

Barring that, I would play it by ear and take my cues from the Dr. Drs are pretty smart and they can spot liars, especially Drs trained in substance abuse. Sometimes a slight nod or headshake can tell the Dr you disagree without saying it outright. I also find that by starting out agreeing and then saying my opinion helps too. "yes my husband has quit drinking before. Twice in fact. Three weeks each time,which I knew was very hard! I know he has the strength to do it again" that way you praise him but also say the truth. Or something like "Husband has been talking about getting a full range of tests, how can soon can that be set up?"

Good luck!!

sauerkraut

Thanks very much, PinkClouds. It's helpful to remember that the doctor is a professional who will likely ascertain more than my husband acknowledges, and I really like the idea of communicating with body language, if necessary, too. Your examples of how to say the truth in ways that won't seem critical are excellent. I may cut and paste to my memory.