Unhappy Hour
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Unhappy Hour
Hi everyone,
Day 57 for me. I recently started a new job and just found out there is a happy hour scheduled with upper management as well as my coworkers and boss who I barely know. I don't feel comfortable skipping it, since I think that could make me look like I'm not a team player but I haven't even been in a bar atmosphere since I made the decision to get sober. I just worry that being in that atmosphere with a bunch of people I don't know and the nerves from upper management and being this early in my sobriety, and people asking me why I'm not drinking... I guess I'm just scared. I've avoided places like this so far because I care more about my sobriety than anything else, so I've been good about avoiding triggers.
Any tips, words of wisdom, encouragement, anything? I'm terrified of jeopardizing all I've worked for just because I get social anxiety and am put to the ultimate test. Thanks everyone
Day 57 for me. I recently started a new job and just found out there is a happy hour scheduled with upper management as well as my coworkers and boss who I barely know. I don't feel comfortable skipping it, since I think that could make me look like I'm not a team player but I haven't even been in a bar atmosphere since I made the decision to get sober. I just worry that being in that atmosphere with a bunch of people I don't know and the nerves from upper management and being this early in my sobriety, and people asking me why I'm not drinking... I guess I'm just scared. I've avoided places like this so far because I care more about my sobriety than anything else, so I've been good about avoiding triggers.
Any tips, words of wisdom, encouragement, anything? I'm terrified of jeopardizing all I've worked for just because I get social anxiety and am put to the ultimate test. Thanks everyone
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
From what I've read on here very few people in the position you are going to be in have found that anybody does comment on them sticking to soft drinks.
Maybe have a dip into this forum before joining up with them and taking a few bathroom breaks so you have some time of peace to remind yourself of your success at dropping the alcohol - and again maybe checking in here.
Maybe have a dip into this forum before joining up with them and taking a few bathroom breaks so you have some time of peace to remind yourself of your success at dropping the alcohol - and again maybe checking in here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 187
Maybe sit down and make a list of every reason you have not to drink, and read it before you go to remind you what you will be giving up if you slip. 57 days is really good, and you do not want to lose that, and disappoint yourself, and others who care about you. Also, you are worried about the impression you will make, but drinking to calm nerves will not help. I do not know what kind of person you will are when you drink, but if you go over board and drink to much that will not make a good impression at all. I wish you the best. You have been strong for almost 2 months, have confidence in yourself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
If you have to go, just say "I don't drink" and then order a soft drink. If they ask you why, just say you've had your fill of drinking and don't drink anymore. 
If they still bug you, ask them why your not drinking bothers them... That usually leaves them quiet. 
If they still bug you, ask them why your not drinking bothers them... That usually leaves them quiet. Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
There are tons of people in this world who don't drink for a variety of reasons. They don't need to know it's because you have a problem.
I doubt anyone will go as far as asking why you want a water instead of a drink, but if they do just tell them there is no reason, you're just not a drinker. Sounds like at day 57 that's the truth for you!
I doubt anyone will go as far as asking why you want a water instead of a drink, but if they do just tell them there is no reason, you're just not a drinker. Sounds like at day 57 that's the truth for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
In some ways you are in an ideal situation. You get the opportunity to establish yourself as a non-drinker right out of the gate. I don't expect there will be any questions. It think the questions tend to come when coworkers already know you as part of the drinking crowd at work and then you quit.
Congrats on 57 days!
Congrats on 57 days!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
I agree with Purpleknight. Keep it simple. I have been in those exact situations and I just ordered a Diet Coke and let the server know to just keep them coming if my glass was empty. She never asked if I wanted another, just kept them coming. No one else ever asked, or cared what I was drinking. I was the only one in the group that woke up feeling great the next morning...
Just have a plan in place before you go and stick to it. I think you'll find that we focus on our drinking more than other's ever do.
You don't drink, simple as that.
You can do this!
Just have a plan in place before you go and stick to it. I think you'll find that we focus on our drinking more than other's ever do.
You don't drink, simple as that.
You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Thank you everyone! I expect most people to leave it alone when I tell them I just don't drink but I worry about my coworkers as it sounds like they have had their fair share of fun in events like these before, and I know from experience a drunk ALWAYS wants to know why someone isn't sharing in the fun. Or maybe that was just me trying to get others to drink so I wouldn't feel like I had a problem? Lol. I'm not even sure anymore. I know that I assume someone who's not drinking is either like me and on the road to recovery or they just don't like to drink (I'll never understand this person but an extremely envious of them!) and either way I guess I don't usually question it.
I know drinking is not the answer, besides I'd probably embarrass myself and wake up upset that I drank and probably jobless it's really in my coworkers' best interest as well as my own that I abstain.
I'm mainly worried because this group is quite close and they've all gone out for drinks before so I'm terrified that they will insist on buying me a drink or something to make me feel like I'm part of the team. I've been trying to drop hints since I started that I'm not much of a drinker, that my husband and I are homebodies and don't really go our on weekends, that I'm trying to get in shape (always a good reason not to drink) because I figured a day like this would come up. I just don't even like the idea of being in a bar or around a bunch of drunk people I barely know. :/
I know drinking is not the answer, besides I'd probably embarrass myself and wake up upset that I drank and probably jobless it's really in my coworkers' best interest as well as my own that I abstain.
I'm mainly worried because this group is quite close and they've all gone out for drinks before so I'm terrified that they will insist on buying me a drink or something to make me feel like I'm part of the team. I've been trying to drop hints since I started that I'm not much of a drinker, that my husband and I are homebodies and don't really go our on weekends, that I'm trying to get in shape (always a good reason not to drink) because I figured a day like this would come up. I just don't even like the idea of being in a bar or around a bunch of drunk people I barely know. :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Seriously though, thank you all for your support and reinforcement. I'm definitely going to have SR on speed dial when we go and you have given me some really good tips. It's hard for me to remember that no one needs to know why I don't drink anymore because I always feel the need to justify why I don't or provide some explanation to make THEM feel better.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Make an appearance but let it be known that you don't drink and don't prefer to hang out in bars...then say your goodbyes and leave. Otherwise if you stay you will likely get invited to other drinking events and will feel uncomfortable saying no until one day it's your downfall.
Protect your sobriety. They can't fire you for not going to an after-work social event.
Protect your sobriety. They can't fire you for not going to an after-work social event.
Last edited by doggonecarl; 05-04-2015 at 01:52 PM. Reason: corrected "can" to "can't"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
I would guess you don't have to stay long either. Spend some time reading here first, affirm that you will not drink at the function. Make sure to say hi to your boss and upper management, just to show them you are a team player. I don't know about you, but I noticed that I am way more confident without the booze. I am not self conscious about slurring my words, etc etc. Then, you can slip out the door when things start getting cray-cray!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
I agree with Lance40. You have the opportunity of establishing yourself as non-drinking right from the start.
Recently, I had to face a company dinner, too. My problem was that they all know me as a drinker, the guy who'd do shots all night long until someone poured me in an Uber cab for the ride home. My approach was simple. When asked for my drink order I said (confidently!) "San Pellegrino with lime." And when I was pushed for more of an explanation, I said, "I wasn't drinking tonight." No one pressed the issue further.
And I also had an exit plan. I left during the break between entrees and dessert. By that time I had spent a couple of hours with the group, they had their buzz on and didn't care about what I was doing. Leaving before dessert also ensured that I didn't get caught in their post meal bar hopping.
So my advice is to have a plan. And then act on it (or adapt it), and don't drink. No matter what.
Recently, I had to face a company dinner, too. My problem was that they all know me as a drinker, the guy who'd do shots all night long until someone poured me in an Uber cab for the ride home. My approach was simple. When asked for my drink order I said (confidently!) "San Pellegrino with lime." And when I was pushed for more of an explanation, I said, "I wasn't drinking tonight." No one pressed the issue further.
And I also had an exit plan. I left during the break between entrees and dessert. By that time I had spent a couple of hours with the group, they had their buzz on and didn't care about what I was doing. Leaving before dessert also ensured that I didn't get caught in their post meal bar hopping.
So my advice is to have a plan. And then act on it (or adapt it), and don't drink. No matter what.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Congratulations on 57 days Kafka.
I know your not looking forward to it and I completely understand why, but don't forget to try and enjoy it if you possibly can. If you have a bit of conversation going people won't be overly concerned with your (non) drinking.
Plus it helps a bit with your profile
It's not usually the people who DON'T drink that get talked about the following morning
I know your not looking forward to it and I completely understand why, but don't forget to try and enjoy it if you possibly can. If you have a bit of conversation going people won't be overly concerned with your (non) drinking.
Plus it helps a bit with your profile
It's not usually the people who DON'T drink that get talked about the following morning
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Kafkaeque, so this has happened to me a lot in my early sobriety and I agree with others that you're in a good spot to establish yourself as a non-drinker.
For me, as someone that always drank, I now just order club soda (looks like a vodka soda) . I've never been pressed as to why, even by people I used to drink with, but will usually just add something to make sure nobody buys me a drink or starts asking questions. A simple "I'm on allergy medication," "have to be up early tomorrow," "have something to do when I get home," etc always works. People will very quickly forget you are even not drinking, or never even notice in the first place.
For me, as someone that always drank, I now just order club soda (looks like a vodka soda) . I've never been pressed as to why, even by people I used to drink with, but will usually just add something to make sure nobody buys me a drink or starts asking questions. A simple "I'm on allergy medication," "have to be up early tomorrow," "have something to do when I get home," etc always works. People will very quickly forget you are even not drinking, or never even notice in the first place.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Kafk, I'll go out on a limb and guess you won't be the only one not drinking alcohol. I will also go out on a limb and say that someone (or two) will end up getting a little too festive and it will be discussed at work.
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