Meth addict dissapeared
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
Meth addict dissapeared
Me and my bf have been together for about a year. I met him with his addiction but I tend to see the best in people no matter what. (I was an addict myself 2years ago) so coming out of that I dont judge anyone. A few months ago I convinced him to try get clean, I always made sure it was something he wanted to do for himself not for me. He tried and relapsed within a week, I stayed positive and was supportive that he got that far. (4 year daily meth user). Ever since then his been distant with me, I tryed playing it cool but confronted him a month later and he basically told me that he fears I'm going to clean him off drugs and he can't wrap his head around it. I again reassured him that id support him with whatever he decides, but things haven't been the same since.. Fast forward 4 months we had still stuck together but things have not been the same, now the past 2 weeks he has not contacted me at all. The last time we spoke he was meant to come over but he was to high to drive and that was the last I heard from him. I tried to contact him once and got ignored. He knows how much I hate silence (due to an abusive upbringing) yet he is now doing it to me, we always use to communicate everything with eachother we are both quite honest and blunt. My question is why would he turn on me like that out of the blue? Should I classify it as over? I thought about contacting him but I feel like there's nothing I can really say when he knows it all. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I do pray and hope one day he decides to get off meth and he knows that, but being once an addict myself I know u can only ever do it for yourself. I guess I'm just hurt over his silence. Also I know his ok because he has been active on social media.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Hi Sandyyy,
Sorry for your pain.
The short answer is YES! Most of us have been in a similar situation. Just read some of the threads from regular posters and you will see this theme.
It certainly seems to come up when one partner is on a path to being clean and in recovery, whether from addictions, co-dependency or both, and the other is determinedly heading further into their addiction.
It can be a painful place to be. I posted about this very same thing with my STBXAH just today.
There is nothing you can do except focus on yourself (frustrating I know).
The silence is horrid I know.
I'm curious, when you were in the throes of your own addiction, was there anyone you were close to who hoped you would get clean? And until you were ready to do so how did you respond to those people?
I'm just curious.
And it seems like a textbook response is for the addict to distance themselves from those who care and would support them getting clean (perhaps unless they were truly ready to do so?).
Perhaps now is the time you can consider what you would really like out of a relationship, and whether this man as he currently is could provide that.
Sorry for your pain.
The short answer is YES! Most of us have been in a similar situation. Just read some of the threads from regular posters and you will see this theme.
It certainly seems to come up when one partner is on a path to being clean and in recovery, whether from addictions, co-dependency or both, and the other is determinedly heading further into their addiction.
It can be a painful place to be. I posted about this very same thing with my STBXAH just today.
There is nothing you can do except focus on yourself (frustrating I know).
The silence is horrid I know.
I'm curious, when you were in the throes of your own addiction, was there anyone you were close to who hoped you would get clean? And until you were ready to do so how did you respond to those people?
I'm just curious.
And it seems like a textbook response is for the addict to distance themselves from those who care and would support them getting clean (perhaps unless they were truly ready to do so?).
Perhaps now is the time you can consider what you would really like out of a relationship, and whether this man as he currently is could provide that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
Hey carmenlove
In regards to ur question about my own addiction, not really all my friends were addicts themselves and I never saw my family enough for them to notice otherwise they probably would have been the only people. In my own addiction I had 1 person who hoped I would get clean (we were in a relationship) and he was not very understanding of how hard it was on me, he didn't support me at all he pretty much bought drug tests and would tell me if I'm positive he would leave me, which lead me to depression because I tried so hard I had cut down a lot for him which is so hard to do, I managed to get a month clean with him and he couldn't take the emotions I was feeling and told me I was too emotional and left me. (Guess I became needy). After that I was really hurt and went back to using. I always hoped someone would reach out deep down and actually stay but that didn't happen in my case. Fast forward a few months I ended up homeless, jobless and lost my friends so that was my rock bottom, I contemplated suicide but was too weak to do so, I called my mum and went to stay with her for 2 months so I stayed drug free, when I got back I found a job and moved on in life and found a house. It's been 2 years since then and everyday is a battle, I'm a lot better and the cravings are nowhere near as bad but I can't even have 1 drink or drug knowing id fall right back to where I was. My emotions are a lot more stable but I still have my days. I guess as an addict I had no one where other addicts have someone and they distance themselves, I lead a life with addicts around me and grew up in that environment so no one really cared. I guess being in my boyfriends shoes deep down I think he wants help, only because I did but never got it, but I guess that may not be the case since his distanced himself completly. Thank you for your response I really appreciate it.
In regards to ur question about my own addiction, not really all my friends were addicts themselves and I never saw my family enough for them to notice otherwise they probably would have been the only people. In my own addiction I had 1 person who hoped I would get clean (we were in a relationship) and he was not very understanding of how hard it was on me, he didn't support me at all he pretty much bought drug tests and would tell me if I'm positive he would leave me, which lead me to depression because I tried so hard I had cut down a lot for him which is so hard to do, I managed to get a month clean with him and he couldn't take the emotions I was feeling and told me I was too emotional and left me. (Guess I became needy). After that I was really hurt and went back to using. I always hoped someone would reach out deep down and actually stay but that didn't happen in my case. Fast forward a few months I ended up homeless, jobless and lost my friends so that was my rock bottom, I contemplated suicide but was too weak to do so, I called my mum and went to stay with her for 2 months so I stayed drug free, when I got back I found a job and moved on in life and found a house. It's been 2 years since then and everyday is a battle, I'm a lot better and the cravings are nowhere near as bad but I can't even have 1 drink or drug knowing id fall right back to where I was. My emotions are a lot more stable but I still have my days. I guess as an addict I had no one where other addicts have someone and they distance themselves, I lead a life with addicts around me and grew up in that environment so no one really cared. I guess being in my boyfriends shoes deep down I think he wants help, only because I did but never got it, but I guess that may not be the case since his distanced himself completly. Thank you for your response I really appreciate it.
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