I really need some help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Valparaiso Indiana
Posts: 1
I really need some help.
I have been married to my husband for 9 years, we have four kids and i am scared of losing everything that i have been working for. When i met him, he didnt seem to drink all that much, but know he drinks all the time except when he is at work and wont drink until noon.
In the past nine years his drinking has gotten progressivly worse, at first his family kept telling me that he had a problem, i had never really thought about it until one evening when he took our fourteen year old babysitter home, and she asked him to let her drive, (she had never driven before and wanted him to teach her at 9:00 pm) he had been drinking and i was at work, our neighbor stayed with the kids and called me when he had not come home an hour later thinking that he went to the store. Come to find out he had let her to drive on a country road, she miss the curve and they ended up in a ditch - neither of them were seriously injured, but to avoid going to jail he had them wall 7 miles to our house. Now he verably abuses me and my kids, i have no money or no place to go. my question is: is it possible to get a court order to get my husband into rehab? Please help, i dont know what else to do. thanks
In the past nine years his drinking has gotten progressivly worse, at first his family kept telling me that he had a problem, i had never really thought about it until one evening when he took our fourteen year old babysitter home, and she asked him to let her drive, (she had never driven before and wanted him to teach her at 9:00 pm) he had been drinking and i was at work, our neighbor stayed with the kids and called me when he had not come home an hour later thinking that he went to the store. Come to find out he had let her to drive on a country road, she miss the curve and they ended up in a ditch - neither of them were seriously injured, but to avoid going to jail he had them wall 7 miles to our house. Now he verably abuses me and my kids, i have no money or no place to go. my question is: is it possible to get a court order to get my husband into rehab? Please help, i dont know what else to do. thanks
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Welcome
So glad you have joined us!
Let me begin my telling you that I have only been here a short while, but the support and tools offered are invaluable.
What I have learned in the past 2 months is this: Alcoholism is a disease. And it is a family disease at that.
Here's the good news: There are several support groups such as this online site and other in-person groups all around the world for AA and for Alanon (for the Families and Friends of Alcoholics) that have high success rates for recovery from alcoholism.
Now the bad news: (and this is an important one) NO ONE CAN MAKE AN ALCOHOLIC QUIT. They have to want it. So even if were/are able to get him into rehab there is no guarentee that he would stay sober. :banghead:
So what can you do then? That's a very good question. The best thing you could possibly do for your family is RUN to the nearest Al-anon meeting in your area. You will be amazed at the wonderful people and help you will find there. You should be able to find a listing for Al-anon in your phone book.
Al-anon was developed from the 12 steps of AA. So we work the steps too. My father is an active alcoholic and so is the man I love. I just completed the first step 3 days ago and am onto step two. The first step is this, roughly, "We admitted we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageble."
How can focusing on you help your alcohlic family? Well the most important thing (from my own personal opinion of course) is that the buck stops with you! Since alcoholism is a family disease then not only does the alcoholics behavior affect your children, but yours does as well. They learn from early on how to live with alcoholism and so the cycle continues with them and on into their families and their children. (I hope I'm making sense, it's getting late - even for me).
There are many other things you will learn and gain. Gaining serenity is the most wonderful gift of the program! You also will learn that your actions may actually be keeping your husband from wanting to get sober.
Behind every alcoholic there is an enabler, provoker and other characters that have made it very "comfortable" for the A to continue drinking. I believe that if there were no enablers in the world then alcoholism would cease to exist. (I myself am/was an enabler, which I learned from childhood and believe me when I say my life had become TOTALLY UNMANAGEABLE. :cry3: )
Thankfully, it scared the crap out of me when the man I love became almost completely comotose (sp?) for a week after a 6 day binge and I went running for answers and found Al-anon.
Glad to have you here and hope you stick around.
God Bless,
Jenna
Let me begin my telling you that I have only been here a short while, but the support and tools offered are invaluable.
What I have learned in the past 2 months is this: Alcoholism is a disease. And it is a family disease at that.
Here's the good news: There are several support groups such as this online site and other in-person groups all around the world for AA and for Alanon (for the Families and Friends of Alcoholics) that have high success rates for recovery from alcoholism.
Now the bad news: (and this is an important one) NO ONE CAN MAKE AN ALCOHOLIC QUIT. They have to want it. So even if were/are able to get him into rehab there is no guarentee that he would stay sober. :banghead:
So what can you do then? That's a very good question. The best thing you could possibly do for your family is RUN to the nearest Al-anon meeting in your area. You will be amazed at the wonderful people and help you will find there. You should be able to find a listing for Al-anon in your phone book.
Al-anon was developed from the 12 steps of AA. So we work the steps too. My father is an active alcoholic and so is the man I love. I just completed the first step 3 days ago and am onto step two. The first step is this, roughly, "We admitted we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageble."
How can focusing on you help your alcohlic family? Well the most important thing (from my own personal opinion of course) is that the buck stops with you! Since alcoholism is a family disease then not only does the alcoholics behavior affect your children, but yours does as well. They learn from early on how to live with alcoholism and so the cycle continues with them and on into their families and their children. (I hope I'm making sense, it's getting late - even for me).
There are many other things you will learn and gain. Gaining serenity is the most wonderful gift of the program! You also will learn that your actions may actually be keeping your husband from wanting to get sober.
Behind every alcoholic there is an enabler, provoker and other characters that have made it very "comfortable" for the A to continue drinking. I believe that if there were no enablers in the world then alcoholism would cease to exist. (I myself am/was an enabler, which I learned from childhood and believe me when I say my life had become TOTALLY UNMANAGEABLE. :cry3: )
Thankfully, it scared the crap out of me when the man I love became almost completely comotose (sp?) for a week after a 6 day binge and I went running for answers and found Al-anon.
Glad to have you here and hope you stick around.
God Bless,
Jenna
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Don't forget to check out the "Family and Friends of Alcoholics" forum.
I have found it extremely beneficial! We are all working on our own recovery and the support we offer each other makes all of our days a little brighter!
Jenna
I have found it extremely beneficial! We are all working on our own recovery and the support we offer each other makes all of our days a little brighter!
Jenna
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Not sure about the court order if he hasn't commited any offense while drinking. But you must understand, it wouldn't matter anyway unless he was ready to recieve the help. You can start the healing process by working on you though. Why should you get help you ask since your not the one with the drinking problem? It will help you to set boundaries, find a center within yourself to manage your life, and learn to accept he won't be ready until he's ready. Please visit our Friends and Family forum.
Not sure about the court order if he hasn't commited any offense while drinking. But you must understand, it wouldn't matter anyway unless he was ready to recieve the help. You can start the healing process by working on you though. Why should you get help you ask since your not the one with the drinking problem? It will help you to set boundaries, find a center within yourself to manage your life, and learn to accept he won't be ready until he's ready. Please visit our Friends and Family forum.
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