I'm not feeling very proud of myself right now...

Old 05-03-2015, 10:23 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
I'm not feeling very proud of myself right now...

Some of you may remember that the reasong I first logged in here wasn't my family, cause I still wasn't aware of my father being an A, but it was my ex boyfriend. For those who don't know, my story is my other threads...
I was feeling very lonely. Maybe I was missing the good days we had together. 3 weeks ago he went to college and talked to me. He said he made a mistake by dumpig me, that he was very busy at work (he had 3 jobs at the time, but tbh, he managed to go bang girls and get really drunk when he wasn't busy, so yeah, I bought his excuse but I was aware of this...)
He seemengly explained many things to me and asked me to take him back. I said I would think about it.
So I told my brother about this, since my mom hates my ex I didn't wanted her to know that I saw him, let alone talked to him about getting back together. We were also having a lot of trouble with dad, so I decided to manage this by myself. I told my brother I wanted to get to know this guy without the judgement of others (my mom, in this particular case) being the one judgment that made the choices about who he was. He told me that then I could take him back, but he asked me to be careful and tell him everything... He also said "do not let him treat you badly, ok?".
I took him back. His parents and friends knew we were together because I went to reunions with him and stuff, I also went to his house. It bothered me that his parents didn't knew many of the stuff he did before. He said he didn't wanted to seem like "the bad guy". (Oh I was such a dork).
If you ask about alcohol, well, as far as I know he would not drink daily but he still drank sometimes, alone or with buddies. He was getting worse on his hungovers, that could last for days, and he also was drinking even for the whole weekends (friday, saturday, and sunday). He still had two jobs, he also started being a veganist.

He was being really caring but he started to get angry with me cause I was really quiet most of the time. I explained to him that it made me feel awkward to see him in secret, cause I never told my parents at all. I asked him if he would want to talk to them with me and he said yes... but then, a day later he said that maybe we should take a break because we were no longer compatible....
That I was really quiet most of the time and it didn't seemed to him like I wanted to be with him or enjoy his company. He said I was being dramatic for little things (like him liking pictures of another girls on facebook, or him not answering to my messages). So I tried to be more reasonable and stopped that behavior, dunno if it was really that bad of him to do that.... I dunno...
I told him that breaks were an excuse. That either he wanted to stay or he wanted to go, and he said he still loved me and that he would stay. So he did and we had nice dates, I really am not lying when I say this. However, in general, I had a bad feeling about me being disrespectul towards myself...

He sometimes would use his cellphone a loooooooot during our dates, I told him about this and he changed it.

Last week I got very busy with college and I only saw him one day.
We went to his house to eat and watch a movie.
He was really serious in general. When we got into his car the volume of his music didn't even let me make any kind of conversation.
He would not hug me or kiss me.
But after we ate, he started kissing me/touching me in a sexual manner.
I asked him to stop, and he did. He got angry and said: "see? we are not even compatible on this. You are unexperienced (I've never had sex with anyone) and I'm a little rough..."

I asked him: "is that so important to you?" He replied: "no, it is not..."
And then I started crying and asked him to take me home...
Actually, his mother entered the room at that minute and asked if I was crying, but I said no.

He uses his parent's car ad they needed to go to a place at that time, so they took me home (he was also on the car). I went off the car like 6 streets before my house without saying goodbye or anything else, I just thanked his parents.
I felt bad for not explaining why I was crying to him (I cried because I felt like he only wanted me for se, I don't know if I was right or not) so I messaged him apologizing for that and also for going away without saying anything to him.

He replied ten minutes later saying we needed to break up. I asked if this was "it" and he said it was, he even said he was sorry for searching for me in the first place and that he would not do it anymore (he already had said this on the past...). He said we weren't compatible in many things and that our relationship felt like a long distance relationship because of the thing with my parents.
I got angry and asked him why he wouldn't tell me in person and he said that it would have seemes like it was only because of the sex thing, but that no, that he felt this before when he told me about the break. I told him he was a coward but I accepted his request to break up and told him I was going to block him and to please block me on the cellphone (my cellphone was at my parents room at that time, it was really late in the night and I couldn't go and take it til' next morning). I blocked him without waiting for a response and went to try to sleep.

Next morning, when I checked my cellphone, I saw a message of him saying this: "please let me apologize in person, at least let me finish this in person". I replied that he had his chance to do it for a long time and that instead he dumped me via facebook. I asked him not to message me anymore and blocked him.

It has been days since that and I seriously am so ashamed about myself...
Timetoheal12 is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 10:55 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Don't feel ashamed. So, you went back to him briefly but nothing permanent happened. You kept your virginity intact and you learned a lesson. If you have to hide a relationship from loved ones there is a good chance the relationship is bad news.

You deserve a healthy relationship in which you are respected. He doesn't respect you.
happybeingme is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 10:55 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You've done nothing to be ashamed of. This guy sounds like a creep. AND he "likes it rough"--code for he's a potential rapist. Not necessarily, but potentially.

I suggest you let this one go and find a really NICE guy who respects you for who/what you are. You are unlikely to get that from this guy. And it doesn't matter whether he's an alcoholic or a drinker or stone cold sober. He's not a respectful guy. You can do a LOT better and you deserve it.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 11:00 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I wouldn't feel ashamed just be glad he's gone.

It sounds nuts.
fluffyflea is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 11:14 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by happybeingme View Post
If you have to hide a relationship from loved ones there is a good chance the relationship is bad news.
Yes, it was, but I wanted to get real with me and accept it as an abusive/disrespectful situation by myself, and not for what other had told me... I guess it was difficult for me to accept the reality of it since I didn't even knew I was being emotionally abused by my father at home...
Timetoheal12 is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 11:17 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
You've done nothing to be ashamed of. This guy sounds like a creep. AND he "likes it rough"--code for he's a potential rapist. Not necessarily, but potentially.

I suggest you let this one go and find a really NICE guy who respects you for who/what you are. You are unlikely to get that from this guy. And it doesn't matter whether he's an alcoholic or a drinker or stone cold sober. He's not a respectful guy. You can do a LOT better and you deserve it.

Not sure about the rapist thing. It was more about he liked to get a little violent, I guess?
Like I said, I never had sex with him but when we kissed he would pull my hair or bite my lips, arms, face, legs, like really hard, he would also scratch me, and sometimes it would hurt. I got mad at him for this too, it wasn't my style, but what I disliked the most was that he was hurting me and he didn't do that before....


Thanks for your words LexieCat.
Timetoheal12 is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 12:08 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Anyone who LIKES causing someone pain (when his/her partner doesn't like it that way--I'm not talking about consensual BDSM) is a potential rapist. Think about it--he takes what he wants the way he likes it--not to mention that he seems to enjoy doing it even if you've expressed the fact that you don't like it.

I'm not saying he IS a rapist, but let's just say there are too many red flags to ignore.

I know you can find someone really kind and awesome to love, but you have to let go of the bad to do it.

Hugs,
LexieCat is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 12:22 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Anyone who LIKES causing someone pain (when his/her partner doesn't like it that way--I'm not talking about consensual BDSM) is a potential rapist. Think about it--he takes what he wants the way he likes it--not to mention that he seems to enjoy doing it even if you've expressed the fact that you don't like it.

I'm not saying he IS a rapist, but let's just say there are too many red flags to ignore.

Now that you say this... I remember that when he said we weren't compatible he added that he really never wanted to have sex with me.

He might not be it but he is indeed abusive.
I dunno if this was to insult me or to make me feel bad but I just tought he was an idiot.
Timetoheal12 is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 12:35 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
It was probably both an insult and to make u feel bad.
fluffyflea is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 12:42 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
healthyagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
He probably has some kinky fantasies. I bet he is not that experienced. Just a jerk, and a dangerous one. Why ashamed? You should be proud of yourself, lady!
healthyagain is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 12:51 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by healthyagain View Post
He probably has some kinky fantasies. I bet he is not that experienced. Just a jerk, and a dangerous one. Why ashamed? You should be proud of yourself, lady!
He is experienced as far as I know. He is well known in my town for having many casual flings and sleeping with one of his exes.

Ashamed because I took him back after all the crap he put me trought just because I wanted to see it as "crap" for myself...
I haven't quite accepted his real person... I tought he was like he once were with me.
Timetoheal12 is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 01:03 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
healthyagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Well, it happens. We make mistakes, but I still think you should be proud, going no contact. Takes a lot of courage, and you seem to be very young. And generally good guys do not bite women, or find pleasure in causing pain.
healthyagain is offline  
Old 05-03-2015, 01:14 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Timetoheal12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by healthyagain View Post
Well, it happens. We make mistakes, but I still think you should be proud, going no contact. Takes a lot of courage, and you seem to be very young. And generally good guys do not bite women, or find pleasure in causing pain.
There was a time when he bit me real hard and I got mad at him and went home. He apologized. Yet he did it again this day when he dumped me.


I now remember he also did this thing of sticking his finger inside my ear.... I don't know why he liked to do that! But I told him to stop and he wouldn't do it...

Weird thing is... he even does that to his mom, cause I saw him doing it to her once, and I even said: "oh, you do that to her too?"
And she said that yes, and that it was uncomfortable...

She also got very mad at him everytime he went to drink...
Timetoheal12 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:29 AM.