What if I'm wrong?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 16
What if I'm wrong?
I have been reading here for about a week, almost compulsively, I would say. I guess that should tell me something in the being able to identify/relate category. I have been amazed and calmed and challenged (all in one week!) by the posts here.
I have dabbled in AA literature for years, starting 10 years ago when I quit smoking (finally), but haven't really wanted to accept that alcohol was my number one issue.
I am married to a wonderful, wonderful supportive man. Part of me wants to jump into these boards and AA with both feet and then part of me says, "What if I am reacting to a particularly stressful summer. I don't want to give up the opportunity for special dinners with my husband with a bottle of wine..."
My question is, to take Step One, do I need to say "I forgo forever?"....I hear "One day at a time", and "Just for Today," but doesn't step one basically say "I realize I can NEVER do this again?" I am having trouble reconciling the two.
DH has gone up to bed. We want to get up early and have breakfast before he goes to work and I head off to the gym with the kids. We have a very healthy, happy life for the most part. There are so few moments after the kids go to bed and yet I feel guilty stealing a few just for me.
I have seen lives cut short by alcohol, lives changed by alcohol and I am starting to see that in my life. I want to stop the pattern, but I want to save the good parts. Maybe that is just denial talking. Sigh.
Well, must go. Dear sweet husband is waiting and I am so grateful he is there. Bless all of you for being there and allowing me to tiptoe into your world. I hope to get braver.
tru
I have dabbled in AA literature for years, starting 10 years ago when I quit smoking (finally), but haven't really wanted to accept that alcohol was my number one issue.
I am married to a wonderful, wonderful supportive man. Part of me wants to jump into these boards and AA with both feet and then part of me says, "What if I am reacting to a particularly stressful summer. I don't want to give up the opportunity for special dinners with my husband with a bottle of wine..."
My question is, to take Step One, do I need to say "I forgo forever?"....I hear "One day at a time", and "Just for Today," but doesn't step one basically say "I realize I can NEVER do this again?" I am having trouble reconciling the two.
DH has gone up to bed. We want to get up early and have breakfast before he goes to work and I head off to the gym with the kids. We have a very healthy, happy life for the most part. There are so few moments after the kids go to bed and yet I feel guilty stealing a few just for me.
I have seen lives cut short by alcohol, lives changed by alcohol and I am starting to see that in my life. I want to stop the pattern, but I want to save the good parts. Maybe that is just denial talking. Sigh.
Well, must go. Dear sweet husband is waiting and I am so grateful he is there. Bless all of you for being there and allowing me to tiptoe into your world. I hope to get braver.
tru
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((TRU)))-
All you have to have is a desire to quit. The first step is 2 parts and states:1: I am powerless over alcohol ......2:and my life has become unmanageable.
Most of us here who have a problem with drinking realize we cannot drink sucessfully and that the only way for us is total abstinace. I cannot control my drinking 1 is too many for me and most others here who have a problem with drinking.
The 12 steps are great. They are a gift we give ourselves by working them. Hang around read and post and consider getting to some AA meetings. Wlecome!!!
All you have to have is a desire to quit. The first step is 2 parts and states:1: I am powerless over alcohol ......2:and my life has become unmanageable.
Most of us here who have a problem with drinking realize we cannot drink sucessfully and that the only way for us is total abstinace. I cannot control my drinking 1 is too many for me and most others here who have a problem with drinking.
The 12 steps are great. They are a gift we give ourselves by working them. Hang around read and post and consider getting to some AA meetings. Wlecome!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, tru,
If you have trouble with the 12 steps in AA, there are alternatives. Here's a chart that compares several of the best-known recovery options:
http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm
People who quit successfully make a commitment to abstinence, they make lifestyle changes to enhance that commitment, and they plan and practice for urges. It is not necessary to accept the concepts of powerlessness or a higher power to quit drinking, and it is possible to take ideas from various different 'programs' to support your decision for sobriety.
Whether you choose to make abstinence a lifelong decision can be something you resolve later. First, I'd suggest giving it a try for a while and see what the benefits are. There are lots of folks here who can give you support. Having a concrete goal such as 30 days sober might be a simple way to start.
Don S
If you have trouble with the 12 steps in AA, there are alternatives. Here's a chart that compares several of the best-known recovery options:
http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm
People who quit successfully make a commitment to abstinence, they make lifestyle changes to enhance that commitment, and they plan and practice for urges. It is not necessary to accept the concepts of powerlessness or a higher power to quit drinking, and it is possible to take ideas from various different 'programs' to support your decision for sobriety.
Whether you choose to make abstinence a lifelong decision can be something you resolve later. First, I'd suggest giving it a try for a while and see what the benefits are. There are lots of folks here who can give you support. Having a concrete goal such as 30 days sober might be a simple way to start.
Don S
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
For me, total abstinance is the only solution. I didn't want to give up the notion I could have the occasional glass of wine. I put it to the test and tried to be a social drinker. Nine drunken days later, I was able to come to the conclusion, I'm not capable of social drinking. Alcoholics aren't able to determine when to quit. Ever intend to have just a couple of drinks, then wake up the next morning to the thought of ugh "I did it again"? "Why"? Good luck to you and I'm glad you took the first step in seeking help. There is a solution out there.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I want to stop the pattern, but I want to save the good parts.
I have found that when I was drinking, I was missing out on many of the good parts because of the alcohol.
If drinking is a problem, not picking up the first one is the best way of stopping the problem. So yes I don't drink anymore alcohol at all.
I could drink one but the one could turn into two. Once I have two....20 would be ok as well. So no to the first one for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Welcome Tru - I was in a similar situation, no dui's, health issues, lost jobs and as my treatment counselor would say, "NOT YET!"
But I could not stop drinking and it was getting worse. I drank alone, late at night and I knew my life could be a lot better. By the way, I worked out at a local gym almost every night, so I was also in great shape.
On weekends though, I drank excessively and I must have tried to quit on my own over 100 times, but again could not stop. I knew I needed to do something, so I called our Employee Assistance Program and took a chemical dependency evaluation. It confirmed what I already knew, my drinking was a problem and it was getting progressively worse.
I went throught six weeks of outpatient treatment and have never looked back - my life has never been better! To me, it is kind of simple; make a wholehearted effort to not drink at all for a few months. For someone with no drinking problem, that would not be very difficult. But if you have already tried to quit unsuccessfully, why not take a look at treatment options?
I know what you are thinking, "Do I have a drinking problem? Should I stop? My life is going well, so what is the big deal to have a few drinks?
I could always rationalize my drinking until one weekend when I had a "spiritual awakening." I know then that I had to get help and that my drinking was out of my control.
You stated that you have seen the detrimental effects of alcohol first hand - Does alcoholism run in your family? Family history can be a predictor of alcoholism, but not always.
Obviously, I am long winded, but I really like to share my experiences, especially with people that have questions about their drinking.
Take care,
Dave
But I could not stop drinking and it was getting worse. I drank alone, late at night and I knew my life could be a lot better. By the way, I worked out at a local gym almost every night, so I was also in great shape.
On weekends though, I drank excessively and I must have tried to quit on my own over 100 times, but again could not stop. I knew I needed to do something, so I called our Employee Assistance Program and took a chemical dependency evaluation. It confirmed what I already knew, my drinking was a problem and it was getting progressively worse.
I went throught six weeks of outpatient treatment and have never looked back - my life has never been better! To me, it is kind of simple; make a wholehearted effort to not drink at all for a few months. For someone with no drinking problem, that would not be very difficult. But if you have already tried to quit unsuccessfully, why not take a look at treatment options?
I know what you are thinking, "Do I have a drinking problem? Should I stop? My life is going well, so what is the big deal to have a few drinks?
I could always rationalize my drinking until one weekend when I had a "spiritual awakening." I know then that I had to get help and that my drinking was out of my control.
You stated that you have seen the detrimental effects of alcohol first hand - Does alcoholism run in your family? Family history can be a predictor of alcoholism, but not always.
Obviously, I am long winded, but I really like to share my experiences, especially with people that have questions about their drinking.
Take care,
Dave
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted by David 1
... so I called our Employee Assistance Program and took a chemical dependency evaluation. It confirmed what I already knew, my drinking was a problem and it was getting progressively worse.
I went throught six weeks of outpatient treatment and have never looked back - my life has never been better! To me, it is kind of simple; make a wholehearted effort to not drink at all for a few months. For someone with no drinking problem, that would not be very difficult. But if you have already tried to quit unsuccessfully, why not take a look at treatment options?
I went throught six weeks of outpatient treatment and have never looked back - my life has never been better! To me, it is kind of simple; make a wholehearted effort to not drink at all for a few months. For someone with no drinking problem, that would not be very difficult. But if you have already tried to quit unsuccessfully, why not take a look at treatment options?
Your story illustrates what has been found by the few studies done on effective alcohol treatment. The three techniques with the highest success rate (reduced drinking or abstinence as the goal) are
Brief interventions--assessment, feedback, and agreed-upon goals between patient and a caregiver or counselor;
Motivational enhancement--therapists encourage patient to explore their own values about drinking and consider the consequences of substance abuse;
Social skills training--people learn skills for coping with stress, managing anger, dealing with negative feelings, etc.
If you happen to work for a company that provides for these brief, non-confrontational approaches to substance abuse, they may be very helpful for you. Or perhaps you can find a counselor for a few sessions; perhaps your doctor can provide a referral.
Many people find those conversations sufficiently motivating, simply because they reinforce what they're already thinking about the effects of alcohol, and they start to develop the tools for quitting. There's plenty of information about the effects of alcohol online if you'd find that useful:
Negative effects of alcohol
The key in this approach is that you make your own goals and direct your own strategy for achieving them--with support from others if that is helpful to you. We can tell you what has worked for us, but for you to make a firm commitment to abstinence mean getting past the ambivalence you are expressing in your post.
Don S
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi Tru,
It sounds like you need to really do some soul-searching and decide whether you need to stop drinking or not. I so desparately held out for the special dinners with wine idea, I cried to know I lost that. But I did and I have gained so much more it doesn't even come close to comparing to dinner with wine.
Keep posting.
Love, Anna
It sounds like you need to really do some soul-searching and decide whether you need to stop drinking or not. I so desparately held out for the special dinners with wine idea, I cried to know I lost that. But I did and I have gained so much more it doesn't even come close to comparing to dinner with wine.
Keep posting.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Only you can decide if alcohol is a problem. Most normal drinkers don't give their drinking a second thought. Should you decide you must quit you have many resources. Many here are high function alcoholics, good job, family, not had the "yets" and still realized, like myself, my drinking was just not normal. I found AA to be my saving grace, but it's not for everybody. The link above is an excellant source of information for you to come to a decision of a program that would be a benefit to you.
Life goes on without alcohol, I found that for me, it's even got better in all my relationships and now, I rarely think about drinking, for me I was powerless over alcohol and my life was getting unmanageable. AA is an abstinence based program, the worst thing is to give it a try if you like, if it's not for you, you'll know it, and should some day down the road you change your mind, you'll alway's be welcomed back!
We're glad your here!
Only you can decide if alcohol is a problem. Most normal drinkers don't give their drinking a second thought. Should you decide you must quit you have many resources. Many here are high function alcoholics, good job, family, not had the "yets" and still realized, like myself, my drinking was just not normal. I found AA to be my saving grace, but it's not for everybody. The link above is an excellant source of information for you to come to a decision of a program that would be a benefit to you.
Life goes on without alcohol, I found that for me, it's even got better in all my relationships and now, I rarely think about drinking, for me I was powerless over alcohol and my life was getting unmanageable. AA is an abstinence based program, the worst thing is to give it a try if you like, if it's not for you, you'll know it, and should some day down the road you change your mind, you'll alway's be welcomed back!
We're glad your here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 16
Thank you all so much for the very informative and caring posts. I was a little unsure how I would be received. Would it be, "Come back when you are ready to get off the fence?" I really appreciate the chance to be able to think out loud while I am trying to sort some of this out. The idea of a concrete goal makes sense. I guess if 30 days is a problem that should tell me something. Thanks again for the welcome. I have alot to learn.
tru
tru
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