lighter

Hi all, I'm an alcoholic. I also haven't gotten drunk for a little over six years..

But I feel I am on the verge of a relapse.

In fact, emotionally I have relapsed. I just haven't taken the first drink yet...

You know that concept of "The Bottom"? Well, it turns out that for me the bottom that I experienced when I gave up drink was a party compared to where I am now...

My grandmother is dying, and currently having discourses with Goblins coming out of the wall due to the medicine she is on. My mother is agoraphobic and depressed. By nephew tried to kill himself last week, to the point that the doctors said he was braindead to my brother (they were wrong). By sister thinks I'm a worthless SOB. I'm unemployed, depressed and really seriously thinking about that first drink again for the first time in six years. And I've not got the energy or hope to work anything like a program.

I can feel a F**k it coming on.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum lighter!!

I am soo sorry to hear of all the things you're having to deal with at the moment, it can't be easy, but alcohol isn't going to fix any of that, sure a quick a escape, but in the morning I generally found all the problems were still there with the added bonus of a hangover.

Your family from what you've mentioned would be better off with a Sober you being able to provide help through these tough times.

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!

JaneLane

I'm sorry to hear how much stress you've got going on right now. I know you know this, but drinking won't solve anything and if you start drinking again, would that jeopardise the time you could potentially spend with your grandmother?

It sounds like lots of serious stuff has happened all at once, but if you drink again, that's just going to add another thing to the pile and you don't need to do that to yourself

ZaBoozer

Hang in there L. Post here as you feel the urge. Sometimes it helps to just talk a little b

Free2B84

I want to first day I'm sorry lighter for what your going through. 2Nd I wanna say thank you! Until I read your blog I too thought I had it rough and were feeling sorry for myself. Of course you know staying sober is the best solution out of this situation. But I know how hard that is when things are coming at you at all ends. Please stay strong as you possibly can and keep revisiting this site and hearing how your not alone! We are here together, and I'm sure there is someone out there that has it worse then some of us. Stay sober for yourself, but stay sober for us too

least

Welcome to the family. Post here if you feel like drinking. We'll try to talk you out of it. There's a lot of support here, so use it.

Soberwolf

Your family needs you now more than ever

Were here to support & help you through the tough times

Drinking wont solve anything dont do it talk to us

were here

lighter

Thanks for all the support guys.

You know, I think one of the things I think caused my alcoholism is that I'm just not that good at understanding my own feelings. I just run away from them instead. I'm a writer and until I write it down I just don't see the obvious...

Well, I kind of laughed when I read my own post. It was the realization of "Oh, so that's the reason I feel so bad."

And then I saw that a major difference between where I was six years ago and today is that only one of my problems is caused by me. Before, I was the problem. Maybe today I can be part of the solution?

Anyway, I just needed to rant somewhere where it wouldn't cause any harm.

Anna

SoberWolf is right, your family needs you to navigate through this difficult time. But, that doesn't mean you have to have all the responsibility on your shoulders. But, if you stay sober you will do your best for your grandmother and the rest of your family, and yourself. Take a break and go for a walk or do something for yourself. You don't have to fix everything, just stay sober and things will be okay.

Dee74

Welcoem aboard Lighter
I'm really sorry for all of that. It sounds brutal.

there's nothing there tho that a drink won't make far worse.

stick with us - there's a lot of support here

D

sva777

It sucks when when things go badly, it always seems to come in bunches.

Drinking would be an excellent way to make it a heck of a lot worse.

I hope you can talk here and get yourself through it.

Hevyn

I'm glad you found us lighter. You're definitely in good company - we understand and care.

Imabuleva

Welcome to SR, lighter!

I have no wise advice, just a welcome.

LBrain

What impresses me is that you have six years sober and your first post is a concern about a relapse. This shows you want to survive and that you know what to do - you got six years. Reaching out for support is critical in these times. I'm glad you checked in. Welcome to the forum and wishing you continued success.

So sorry to hear of your current troubles and concerns, staying sober is the most important thing you can do at this time.

I wish more folks would realize that posting first to help you through is much better than posting later about a relapse. Awesome.

Mountainmanbob

So easy to forget and deceive ourselves yet again. If we think things to be rough now, mix it all with some booze and watch what happens.

MM

MIRecovery

Many here know of my struggles with depression since my daughter's death last July. Many also know that I have stayed sober.

You may find this post of value
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5107137

or you can do do a search for my screen name and the keyword daughter to follow my journey and how I continue to stay sober during days darker than I could ever imagined in my worst nightmare

I truly am sorry for your pain and I wish I had a magical answer but the answer I do have is this. What you are dealing with other people call life and they deal with the pain without destroying themselves. Is it easy? No it is not but it can be done.

Feel free to PM me if you wish to talk. Prayers going out to you

MythOfSisyphus

It's good to have you here, lighter. Despite the current tough times I think you understand now that drinking will only dig your hole deeper. As you say, sometimes you just need to see it laid out on paper...er, pixels.

FreeOwl

Have you been sober for all that time? Your wording was interesting 'haven't gotten drunk'....

Does that mean you've been 'moderating'?

In any case I hope you will not pick up. Your grandmother won't be helped by you drinking.


Welcome

lighter

That's horrible, I'm sorry to hear about your pain - well done on managing to stay sober.

lighter

No. I haven't been moderating. I haven't had any alcohol.

I have been battling an overeating addiction, though, that took over a little from the alcoholism. I've lost about 50kg at this point.

So I don't consider myself "sober," but I haven't drunk anything either, or taken any non-prescription drug (precious few prescription drugs, either).

I'm feeling a bit better today. Thanks for the support, everyone. :