It's been awhile, and I'm at a crossroads
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: The Bayou City
Posts: 44
It's been awhile, and I'm at a crossroads
It's been ages since I posted. Several stressful situations over the last few years (a couple of major deaths in the family and a bad personal financial situation) have caused my depression to reawaken. Although, thank goodness, I've never abused alcohol myself, other peoples' use and enabling behavior has pushed me to a point where I'm seriously thinking of cutting ties with them if things don't change. It's hard and maybe sounds harsh, but I've already had to cut one person out of my life for the sake of my own sanity. A few questions for others in the same boat:
1. Have any of you had co-dependents in your life who have actually become alcoholics themselves? This is one of the issues I'm coping with in regards to a family member right now.
2. Does it sometimes seem that, emotionally speaking, the enablers are just as bad as the alcohol abusers themselves?
3. When it's a case where you've had more than one family member who abuses alcohol, do you ever find yourself worrying about whether you should have kids at all? It's not just concern about a possible genetic link (which I don't think has been proven), but also concern about whether they could end up in the care of someone with a drinking problem in an emergency.
4. Have you ever found that dealing with problem drinkers in social settings make you enjoy social drinking occasions that they're not even involved in even less? I could really care less if I ever drink or not myself, but it's just the idea that there could be such a damper on a gathering that I should otherwise enjoy that bothers me.
Sorry for the "novel" everyone, just had to get those few things off my chest.
1. Have any of you had co-dependents in your life who have actually become alcoholics themselves? This is one of the issues I'm coping with in regards to a family member right now.
2. Does it sometimes seem that, emotionally speaking, the enablers are just as bad as the alcohol abusers themselves?
3. When it's a case where you've had more than one family member who abuses alcohol, do you ever find yourself worrying about whether you should have kids at all? It's not just concern about a possible genetic link (which I don't think has been proven), but also concern about whether they could end up in the care of someone with a drinking problem in an emergency.
4. Have you ever found that dealing with problem drinkers in social settings make you enjoy social drinking occasions that they're not even involved in even less? I could really care less if I ever drink or not myself, but it's just the idea that there could be such a damper on a gathering that I should otherwise enjoy that bothers me.
Sorry for the "novel" everyone, just had to get those few things off my chest.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
I think it is more than possible that a codependent could also become an alcoholic or addict.
As a recovered alcoholic myself I can say with confidence that recovering from codependency and enabling have been far more challenging to overcome than the alcoholism.
As far as having kids. Too late I already had them. Fortunately, there never would have been a situation in which my alcoholic father would have had to care for them.
I have found I don't like drunk people at all. So, when social situations arise when drinking is the primary purpose I either decline the invite or go for a limited time and leave before the drunkenness escalates
As a recovered alcoholic myself I can say with confidence that recovering from codependency and enabling have been far more challenging to overcome than the alcoholism.
As far as having kids. Too late I already had them. Fortunately, there never would have been a situation in which my alcoholic father would have had to care for them.
I have found I don't like drunk people at all. So, when social situations arise when drinking is the primary purpose I either decline the invite or go for a limited time and leave before the drunkenness escalates
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Originally Posted by PuzzledinTX 
2. Does it sometimes seem that, emotionally speaking, the enablers are just as bad as the alcohol abusers themselves?
I would say yes for myself.
I am the codependent but I can also be a viper when I want to. Oh yes, I love to play the blame game and shame the A, why not, is that not what they did to me?
I am very familiar with the blaming and finger pointing. Actually I wonder how my AH could stand to be around me when I started in on him.
It was only when I noticed the impact my ugliness was having on our home environment that I knew it was time to let it go....
Thankfully I have chosen to work really REALLY hard to stay away from being the viper.
BTW, thanks for posting this because this was the first time I shared that I took part in being the abuser.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by PuzzledinTX
2. Does it sometimes seem that, emotionally speaking, the enablers are just as bad as the alcohol abusers themselves?
4. Have you ever found that dealing with problem drinkers in social settings make you enjoy social drinking occasions that they're not even involved in even less? I could really care less if I ever drink or not myself, but it's just the idea that there could be such a damper on a gathering that I should otherwise enjoy that bothers me.
2.
I am the enabler. I know that I can be manipulative and controlling. When my AH was drinking, I didn't really see it that way, though. I saw it as doing what I had to do to make it through his binges, and abusive behavior, and I would do whatever I could to try to control his anger and his outbursts... I still do it, to some extent.
I see many of my behaviors as being just as self destructive as AH's.
4.
Yes definitely, I view alcohol and drinking in a totally different way than I used to. I used to drink. It used to be fun. But now I'm uncomfortable being around it at all.
HUGS to you Puzzled.
2. Does it sometimes seem that, emotionally speaking, the enablers are just as bad as the alcohol abusers themselves?
4. Have you ever found that dealing with problem drinkers in social settings make you enjoy social drinking occasions that they're not even involved in even less? I could really care less if I ever drink or not myself, but it's just the idea that there could be such a damper on a gathering that I should otherwise enjoy that bothers me.
2.
I am the enabler. I know that I can be manipulative and controlling. When my AH was drinking, I didn't really see it that way, though. I saw it as doing what I had to do to make it through his binges, and abusive behavior, and I would do whatever I could to try to control his anger and his outbursts... I still do it, to some extent.
I see many of my behaviors as being just as self destructive as AH's.
4.
Yes definitely, I view alcohol and drinking in a totally different way than I used to. I used to drink. It used to be fun. But now I'm uncomfortable being around it at all.
HUGS to you Puzzled.
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