jezzebelle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
I was confused at first by how to navigate the forums but I'm getting there. I'm not an alcoholic but have a friend who is and how he behaves is a mystery to me. Jezzebelle
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
Hi Anna,
you have helped me to get started on the forum. I'm here to try and understand my friend, a sober alcoholic. I guess I thought that talking to other sober alcoholics might provide me with some insights. Jezzebelle
you have helped me to get started on the forum. I'm here to try and understand my friend, a sober alcoholic. I guess I thought that talking to other sober alcoholics might provide me with some insights. Jezzebelle
What kind of 'emotions' is he not able to / prepared to talk about.
Some alcoholics get sober, but not recovered. They don't find a way of dealing with the pain; fear; anger; etc. that they used to mask with alcohol. It can be a painful place to be. I was there myself for a little while. Talking about emotions while still in that state can be almost impossible. Especially to someone who is involved with us. I went to a counsellor and managed to talk to her for hours and hours over the months and still only touched on the edges of mine. (AND convinced myself I was 'opening up' haha.)
Some alcoholics get sober, but not recovered. They don't find a way of dealing with the pain; fear; anger; etc. that they used to mask with alcohol. It can be a painful place to be. I was there myself for a little while. Talking about emotions while still in that state can be almost impossible. Especially to someone who is involved with us. I went to a counsellor and managed to talk to her for hours and hours over the months and still only touched on the edges of mine. (AND convinced myself I was 'opening up' haha.)
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
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Hi Beccybean,
that reply is so helpful. It helps me understand where he's at. He won't allow himself to feel anger, sadness, sexual love, fear or joy. When the feelings start to come into him, his body starts to shake and then he quickly stuffs them down. I watch this happen.
I could speak to him about how he has treated his women but I don't sense he is ready to talk about this or hear a woman's point of view. He has no sisters. I wonder how long I'll have to wait until he is ready to hear what I want to say? I am patiently waiting until I sense the time is right and still I am waiting.
that reply is so helpful. It helps me understand where he's at. He won't allow himself to feel anger, sadness, sexual love, fear or joy. When the feelings start to come into him, his body starts to shake and then he quickly stuffs them down. I watch this happen.
I could speak to him about how he has treated his women but I don't sense he is ready to talk about this or hear a woman's point of view. He has no sisters. I wonder how long I'll have to wait until he is ready to hear what I want to say? I am patiently waiting until I sense the time is right and still I am waiting.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Jezzabelle,
You can go over to the friends and family of Alcoholics forum. You can post your question over there. They might also be able to help you and give you some advice.
Welcome, and good for you for reaching out to help (you) and your friend!!
You can go over to the friends and family of Alcoholics forum. You can post your question over there. They might also be able to help you and give you some advice.
Welcome, and good for you for reaching out to help (you) and your friend!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
Hi Beccybean,
My friend went once to an AA meeting about 10 years ago but he didn't like being with so many people. He's a bit of a loner. He won't return to AA even tho his mum begs him ....
What other ways are there for him to get help? He won't go to counselling!I've suggested that.
Jezzebelle
My friend went once to an AA meeting about 10 years ago but he didn't like being with so many people. He's a bit of a loner. He won't return to AA even tho his mum begs him ....
What other ways are there for him to get help? He won't go to counselling!I've suggested that.
Jezzebelle
Jezzebelle, there are many ways to stop drinking and recover, but the most important thing is that your friend must want it for himself. You can't make him want to stop drinking, as much as you wish you could. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself and you will find support in the Friends & Families forum.
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