sunny09

I have legal and physical custody of my 2 girls. XAH lives in another state, very far away.
If XAH at some point down the line changes his mind and wants shared custody, can he get it? Is it possible, and if so what's involved?
Thanks for any insight!

chicory

Hi Sunny,

I don't know the answers to that question.. I think it may vary state to state. I would suggest you contact a lawyer , and ask them. Usually they will do an initial consultation for free..at least that is my experience.

good luck and I am sure someone will be along with their experience soon.
chicory

mnh1982

State law & requirements to prove suitability to parent vary. Your XAH can always send in the required paperwork to modify custody, but it will end up going to a court hearing to determine whether he gets what he wants.

I would suggest, for your own peace of mind, reviewing your original court-ordered custody agreement. What were the rules put in place for visitation, and whether or not either parent could take the girls out of their home state? For example, I have a good friend going through this right now, whose ex-husband stipulated in the original court order that neither parent is allowed to relocate out of state with the children. She is now stuck fighting that court order & it's costing her a lot of money.

There are always family law resources available that are quite sympathetic to any parent who has left an abusive or dangerous situation. Try searching for family law advocacy in your state, then like chicory says, they usually will give some free legal advice. Those groups also often hold free workshops on knowing your rights, how to fill out paperwork, etc.

Good luck to you. I"m preparing for a custody battle myself. All I know is that I would go to the ends of the earth, literally, figuratively & legally for my son & I am preparing for the worst.

story74

I have full custody. This was my biggest fear. My lawyer said nothing can change UNLESS he gets his act together BIG time...like 2 years of consistency, job, paying bills. Then, maybe. Best advice is to ask your lawyer.

story74

also, understand there are different quality of lawyers. The first lawyer I saw gave me awful advice. There might be abandonment laws too. For example, if he is out of state and not attempting to see/call or even letting you know where he lives...he can potentially loose all rights.

sunny09

Thank you for the replies. It's really my greatest fear, although I think it's unfounded for now. He hasn't been paying his child support. Still such a scary thought, though.

story74

Yes, it is a very scary thought. I am in the same position. Mine was a hot mess for 3 years. He disappeared for a year and a half, and now he is back pretending he is sober and ready to be a father. We are cordial to each other. I did have to stand up to him because he was really mad I stayed with the court ordered supervised visits. He is getting his act together, so I have to keep telling myself it is a good thing, but I am not ready by any means to share custody with him. I have set strong boundries with him and will not do anything I do not feel comfortable with. Luckily, he is poor and can't take me to court. But, it will be another year or more before I share custody. I also will not give up full custody. Everything I do is legal and will be court approved. Everything I do is thought out. Everything I do I must feel comfortable with, and must be in the best interest of my child. I feeling less anxious about it all now that I stood up to him. It will all work out. Just be strong.

mnh1982

Yeah, isn't that a cute trick? Where they literally walk out on you, drop off the planet, & then come back & are like, 'What? I'm here now. Isn't that all that matters?"

WRONG ANSWER, jackass.

My exAH walked out on us over a month ago & doesn't answer anyone's calls but his brother's (who, of course, is the one who helps him score & then cover it up).

You can do this. You & your little ones deserve better.

story74

yes, it isn't fair at all. And they usually (at least mine did) come back and like to pretend they didn't do anything wrong and are stunned we would think otherwise!

Yes, when my XAH was using and I first found out....he NEVER would answer his phone. It is beyond hurtful!

Hope you all hang in there!

mnh1982

Oh my god, RIGHT??! Yes. That is my exAH's favorite. The levels to which that man can play act being completely offended that I don't believe his insane excuses/lies are fairly epic. Good times.