healthyagain

Ughhhh, this gonna be a rough night, the roughest of my life. Sleepless too. Of course, you can assume my AH is livid about what I did, and drunk more than ever. And I am more than ever determined to leave.

He called me bitch so many times in the past 5 minutes, that I am immune to that insult now. It is like he calls me "a butterfly."

He told me "not try to put that **** on him (abuse) because he is going to sue my ass." "For what," I asked. "What you do now is abuse. You are calling me names and you are drunk." He said, "because you do not want to leave, because you go nah, nah, nah . . ."

Then he told me that his boss thinks that I a b***, that the landlady thinks that, that everybody thinks I am one.

They say leaving is the most dangerous time.

He threatens me with jail. For what? Really? I did not fight tonight. Was told to shut up.

I'm rational, I am cool, my phone is next to me, all the documents are ready in the bag. Had them ready a week ago. He really sees himself as if he is some God or something. But I never felt being so hated, ever.

Yeah, I stood up for myself big time, but the uncertainty is frightening.

Cathryn2001

((Healthyagain))

Is there anywhere you can go to be safe?

healthyagain

I called the hotline this morning. They told me to call back if things escalate. They do have a shelter and would send somebody to evaluate the situation.

chicory

Please, be very cautious and stay safe. Perhaps you could call the hotline and make them aware of what things are like tonight?

healthyagain

I probably will, definitely tomorrow morning, but his anger always paralyzes me. Right now is dead silence because he is in another room and I do not even dare to get up.

They told me to call on a working day because then they have a person who could tell me about all the resources.

Today is only for emergency.

lillamy

My five cents: It may become an emergency overnight. Don't trust that it won't. That is: stay alert, stay focused, see reality for what it is, not what you want it to be.

Carlotta

Sending prayers your way for your safety

healthyagain

I'm wide awake, won't be sleeping.

But I'm determined to do what I planned:
1) Call the hotline anyway for resources
2) Submit my application and ask for a studio available immediately
3) Ask sister if she could wire some money

maia1234

HA- Do your best not to engage with him, especially if he's drunk. Apologize if you need to, to keep him calm. He probably won't remember 1/2 of what happened today. (but you will). Keep the peace, work your program. Continue with what you have to do about getting out of your house.

I'm sorry!! Life does get better with out your A in your life!!!

We all love and care about your safety!!!

Carlotta

It's 6:50 where I live and I will be on for quite a bit and by the time it's bedtime, the Aussie and European contingent should be up.
I really wish I was in your town but at least know that we are with you in spirit

healthyagain

Thank you, ladies. I hope this is going to be the last night like this for me. In theory, I could be out of here tomorrow.

He is basically mad because I involved many other people. It has nothing to do with alcohol. He just happens to be drunk every day and I just happen to want to get out of that.

Duckygirl1

Keep posting, if you're going to be up, just buzz the boards so we know ur ok. Silence is not always golden. Be ready to launch if you have to and yes I will be PRAYING!

Carlotta

I hear you. I spent many sleepless night with my pissed off drunk XABF and knowing I had to get up early for work too. I think quite a few of us here have walked in your shoes.
It is actually quite nice to be single and not live with the chaos and tension coming with addiction.

healthyagain

He said many gibberish "how he has his plans, how he will leave, how he is quitting tomorrow, how I can stay here, how I will be paying for the car loan," I mean WTF???

I'll be on here. Gotta lots of work to do too, so I will be awake.

Love you guys

amy55

Hi there,

I'm on the east coast so getting a little late here. Thinking of you.

Do you live in the US?

Do you have a car?

You know, anytime you don't feel comfortable, just leave, even if you just go to the hospital for protection, or to feel safe.

I did call DV in the middle of the night. They don't like to give out their location, because its not really known. I was told to drive to a parking lot mall then call back if I knew I wasn't followed. They then gave me further instructions. I was also offered that they would send the police to come pick me up and bring me there.

Thinking of you

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

searching peace

Is there a way you can silently record him with your phone? I know people on here will tell you not to do it. If you have a voice activated recorder and put it in a purse or drawer or something nearby. Do NOT do anything to put yourself in any danger and do NOT do it if there is any chance he will find out you are doing it. Reading what you wrote takes me right back to that place. Right back to that fear and fear to go to sleep. And I remember thinking I was crazy for being afraid. I couldn't validate my fear and thought I was over reacting. But in hindsight, I was under reacting. Can you go tip toe and see if he passed out? Can you leave and go to a friends? Or family's home? Or sleep in your car somewhere?

My stbxah does that. Has to bring "everyone" in to it. And he tells me "everyone" is saying X or Y. Whatever his issue with me at the time, everyone says the same thing about me. It is hurtful. But I'm sure it is their way of validating what they are saying and a way to make us feel worse since it only coming from the A wont make us feel bad enough. I think I told you all about my ex saying his priest told him not to be married to me. I really want to call the priest and inquire why a priest would say that. I doubt the priest did say that. Anyway just trying to show you a lot of them being other people into the argument.

Please be safe! Please keep posting so we know you are safe. My power went out again. But I'm sitting in my car waiting for them to repair it so I'll be up and checking . Sending you strength, courage and lots of hugs!

healthyagain

Hey Amy, you and I had a late-night chat about this "flower" about 6 months ago. You stayed with me till 3 am. And I'll never forget it.

I'm in the US and will be fine. He does absolutely nothing at the moment, but if something happens, will call the hotline. And will call it tomorrow morning anyway and tell them what was going on, so they advice me and give me local resources. No more being nice.

guava

Spending all sorts of positive thoughts your way tonight, Healthyagain. I wish you weren't in this situation. Please stay safe and call the police at the first sign things are taking a turn. (((hugs)))

amy55

OK, remember staying up with you. What flower were we talking about? I love flowers, doing some landscaping this year. Had to remind myself of all of the latin names for them.

Gonnachange

Your number one priority tonight is to be safe; do WHATEVER you have to ensure that.