Lady3

Hello everyone! I am on my fifth day so far. I appreciate all the welcomes here and just everyone in general. I went through a horrible withdrawal after 3day binge. I went through it awake and that is because I have insomnia, not caused by drinking ive had it since I was a kid. I was awake for three nights and yesterday i was getting to feeling better from withdrawal. I hid my sleeping pills because although ive never overdosed, I have taken some when drinking so I hid them. I hadnt been able to find them until last night at about 2:30am (i still could not sleep & didn't want to be on my fourth night). I finally had 5hours of sleep and I woke up,went to the restroom fixed myself up and im feeling a lot better, but this is where i worry because once i feel even more better I start working out then im way better, but i start writting less, i dont look at my affirmations, i dont look at the letter i write to myself feeling like poo so i remind myself not to be here anymore, i go back to "normal life" and for some reason that baffles me i forget all that happened & i feel elated and go have a drink or say "hey its the weekend ,why not,let loose" scary..... Ive never been on a forum like this because I dont like people seeing me at my worst, because i know im great at being at my best, people that dont know this side of me,love having me around,im always.the funny, I'll cheer you up kind of person. I realized today that only my pen and paper and my mind know all this about me (a few have taken me to the hoapital or just seen my withdrawals). Anyhow im rambling. Point is im glad im opening up, i even put a picture up of myself because i want to expose myself and make this real for me this time, especially since I know my routine. Anyhow thank your for reading, day six here i come. I read some people are only on day.two, please continue, its a struggle, nothing worth comes easy...love you all...WE are worth it...

2muchpain

Yeah, I know how easy it is to go back to drinking after cleaning up for a week or so. I'd go for four or five days, even a few weeks, then figure I'm fine and start over again. It's hard to get in a real sober state of mind doing this. You never get the chance to see what a better life you can have when you're on this rollercoaster. Takes a while to really start to experience the benefits of not drinking. Once that happens, the idea of drinking and starting all over again becomes less appealing. You just don't want to lose what you've gained. Stay strong, stay focused, find distractions and support and you'll get there. John

Soberwolf

Hi Lady congrats on day 5/6 your doing amazing keep up the good work

Reach out if you ever need to were here 24/7 bud

Lady3

Thank you.
I know, i haveny been there in so long where i was sober for months and started feeling good about the benefits and actually staying embedded in my mind and thought process. Today im trying to stay busy, doesnt help when youre out of work as I am as well, but im trying so i can get to that point where its natural and becomes a routine to progress and not fall back.

Hevyn

Great news Lady - 5 days is wonderful. I agree - staying busy is key.

Lady3

Thank you, im teying to stay busy, buts its on my mind all day, haunting me, like instead of having devil on one side and angel of other side of my shoulder i have a vodka bottle on one side and beer on the other, how bad is that, jeesh.lol Its true; one day ata time.
Thank you!

Soberwolf

Anytime Lady it will get easier and is made easier with SR's fantastic support

Ice71

Awesome job. Keep it up!!!!