Labels
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Labels
Recovery sucks sometimes-it's like we live in a world of labels-codependent, enabler, enmeshed, dysfunctional, alcoholic, etc. Sometimes I think back to when life was easier without them all-but I realize I was in massive denial about who I was and others as well. I like taking the mask off but damn is it hard sometimes. I feel judgmental-but truth is judgment. Certainly I didn't have to diagnose others in my exah's family but it is what it is. The labels fit. My pastor told me the other night that St Paul tells us to call a thing a thing and be truthful no matter what. Ok, there we go with labels again!!
Labels suck sometimes...just my ramblings after Church this morning. The only label I follow and wear proudly is Christian-born again and I need Jesus to run my life as I made a mess of it doing things my way. I'm doing really well-just wanted to get y'all's opinions on labels.
Labels suck sometimes...just my ramblings after Church this morning. The only label I follow and wear proudly is Christian-born again and I need Jesus to run my life as I made a mess of it doing things my way. I'm doing really well-just wanted to get y'all's opinions on labels.
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I was reading a parenting blog a couple of nights ago where a woman was ranting about being labeled a "mother" instead of being called a parent of a child. Huh? Political correctness has run amok IMO. And, positive labels can be as damaging as negative ones too, the pretty girl, the smart boy, the good one...until someone prettier, smarter, or better comes along and all the comparing starts.
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There's a line of thinking in linguistical theory that we only need to name things that a) exist and b) sometimes disappear. Babies don't name Mom until Mom is one day no longer there and they want her back.
I don't see labels as something bad unless they're of the "Unrepentant ********"-- and even then, they're only bad if they are intended to inflict hurt rather than relay information to other people. "Toxic snake" sounds like a bad thing to call someone -- unless they are a toxic snake; then it's just customer information, kwim?
We create words for abstract things we aim to understand. I don't care for the term "mental breakdown" (I'd much rather it was called "paucity in life for connecting with the angels") but when you've spent 48 hours crying uncontrollably, "mental breakdown" is a good word for it.
The only think I really hate about labels is when they lie. When someone calls themselves a caring person and is a narcisstic baby-eating beast. When someone says "I like a beer with the game" and you realize "the game" means anything from the Superbowl to the kids tossing a ball around in the back yard.
Words make it possible for us to narrow down what our problems and joys are. I love words. I think of "labels" as something we (or others) put on ourselves (or others) in order to simplify our life. I can sort my laundry in whites and colors no problem, but I can't sort people in "friends" and "emotional vampires" as easily. It's a process. And so what if we use labels?
I don't see labels as something bad unless they're of the "Unrepentant ********"-- and even then, they're only bad if they are intended to inflict hurt rather than relay information to other people. "Toxic snake" sounds like a bad thing to call someone -- unless they are a toxic snake; then it's just customer information, kwim?
We create words for abstract things we aim to understand. I don't care for the term "mental breakdown" (I'd much rather it was called "paucity in life for connecting with the angels") but when you've spent 48 hours crying uncontrollably, "mental breakdown" is a good word for it.
The only think I really hate about labels is when they lie. When someone calls themselves a caring person and is a narcisstic baby-eating beast. When someone says "I like a beer with the game" and you realize "the game" means anything from the Superbowl to the kids tossing a ball around in the back yard.
Words make it possible for us to narrow down what our problems and joys are. I love words. I think of "labels" as something we (or others) put on ourselves (or others) in order to simplify our life. I can sort my laundry in whites and colors no problem, but I can't sort people in "friends" and "emotional vampires" as easily. It's a process. And so what if we use labels?
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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In my program we tend to eschew labels. I think that they have a purpose for a time being, but should not be used indefinitely or as a main source of identity. It's one of the reasons I'm not a full 12 step advocate. It makes no sense to me to hear a friend of mine who is 20+ years sober to call himself an alcoholic.
My 2 favorite bible passage for this are 1 Corinthians 6:9-12 and Rev. 21:5
We are/ were all SOMETHING, but it is not a life long state. I also believe in the power of affirmation positive and negative. How many times in the course of an al a non meeting could I repeat "I'm the adult child of an alcoholic" my father is dead. I have no need to tie myself to him any longer by name or label. Im am not an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm just an adult working it all out. That does not mean his life didn't impact me. It means I'm cutting the cord. I still use the title to give others perspective, but I don't need that for myself. It's not bad if people do. It's just not my style. I guess for me it's a matter of do I have issues or do the issues have me.
My 2 favorite bible passage for this are 1 Corinthians 6:9-12 and Rev. 21:5
We are/ were all SOMETHING, but it is not a life long state. I also believe in the power of affirmation positive and negative. How many times in the course of an al a non meeting could I repeat "I'm the adult child of an alcoholic" my father is dead. I have no need to tie myself to him any longer by name or label. Im am not an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm just an adult working it all out. That does not mean his life didn't impact me. It means I'm cutting the cord. I still use the title to give others perspective, but I don't need that for myself. It's not bad if people do. It's just not my style. I guess for me it's a matter of do I have issues or do the issues have me.
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I felt this way once upon a time in recovery too, then a lightbulb moment happened; it was like awareness crashed into me - Everybody Has Dysfunction. True 'normies" are actually much more rare, a much bigger anomaly than we assume. I started a thread about it that you might enjoy reading:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...verywhere.html
Now, embracing my "label" sets me free & gives me a smidgen of control over re-labeling myself to my liking. My label is just my starting point, a place to catch my breath & really size up the emotional mountain I'm about to climb. It helps me locate the right resources (books, websites, etc.) to help me achieve that goal; it's like a secret decoder ring that helps me crack the code I've been beating my head against ignorantly.
When I'm dealing with others I also have an easier time realizing that they are made up of more than what their "labels" are likely to tell me at first glance too.
I do disagree with you on one small point: It's not a judgment if it's true, then it's just called reality. Calling things what they REALLY ARE is important; so many times we minimize, re-name or soften reality. Like so many things in life, there is a fine line here.... certainly one can USE truths as judgment against another, but that's influenced more by opinion, which is not always the same. (obviously, this is just MY opinion, not fact. 
)
[{nodding}] I agree - those lies show an absolute lack of self awareness & a very deep well of denial that they keep drawing from. They truly believe these things about themselves despite the obvious evidence to the contrary. They aren't embracing their REAL labels, they're hiding behind a fake label they prefer. Label Fakers. 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...verywhere.html
Now, embracing my "label" sets me free & gives me a smidgen of control over re-labeling myself to my liking. My label is just my starting point, a place to catch my breath & really size up the emotional mountain I'm about to climb. It helps me locate the right resources (books, websites, etc.) to help me achieve that goal; it's like a secret decoder ring that helps me crack the code I've been beating my head against ignorantly.
When I'm dealing with others I also have an easier time realizing that they are made up of more than what their "labels" are likely to tell me at first glance too.
I do disagree with you on one small point:
I feel judgmental-but truth is judgment.
)
Originally Posted by lillamy
The only think I really hate about labels is when they lie. When someone calls themselves a caring person and is a narcisstic baby-eating beast. When someone says "I like a beer with the game" and you realize "the game" means anything from the Superbowl to the kids tossing a ball around in the back yard.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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There's a line of thinking in linguistical theory that we only need to name things that a) exist and b) sometimes disappear. Babies don't name Mom until Mom is one day no longer there and they want her back.
I don't see labels as something bad unless they're of the "Unrepentant ********"-- and even then, they're only bad if they are intended to inflict hurt rather than relay information to other people. "Toxic snake" sounds like a bad thing to call someone -- unless they are a toxic snake; then it's just customer information, kwim?
We create words for abstract things we aim to understand. I don't care for the term "mental breakdown" (I'd much rather it was called "paucity in life for connecting with the angels") but when you've spent 48 hours crying uncontrollably, "mental breakdown" is a good word for it.
The only think I really hate about labels is when they lie. When someone calls themselves a caring person and is a narcisstic baby-eating beast. When someone says "I like a beer with the game" and you realize "the game" means anything from the Superbowl to the kids tossing a ball around in the back yard.
Words make it possible for us to narrow down what our problems and joys are. I love words. I think of "labels" as something we (or others) put on ourselves (or others) in order to simplify our life. I can sort my laundry in whites and colors no problem, but I can't sort people in "friends" and "emotional vampires" as easily. It's a process. And so what if we use labels?
I don't see labels as something bad unless they're of the "Unrepentant ********"-- and even then, they're only bad if they are intended to inflict hurt rather than relay information to other people. "Toxic snake" sounds like a bad thing to call someone -- unless they are a toxic snake; then it's just customer information, kwim?
We create words for abstract things we aim to understand. I don't care for the term "mental breakdown" (I'd much rather it was called "paucity in life for connecting with the angels") but when you've spent 48 hours crying uncontrollably, "mental breakdown" is a good word for it.
The only think I really hate about labels is when they lie. When someone calls themselves a caring person and is a narcisstic baby-eating beast. When someone says "I like a beer with the game" and you realize "the game" means anything from the Superbowl to the kids tossing a ball around in the back yard.
Words make it possible for us to narrow down what our problems and joys are. I love words. I think of "labels" as something we (or others) put on ourselves (or others) in order to simplify our life. I can sort my laundry in whites and colors no problem, but I can't sort people in "friends" and "emotional vampires" as easily. It's a process. And so what if we use labels?
Fourourgirls - labels have never really bothered me. Labels paint a clearer picture, and hopefully help us to come to conclusions, make decisions and take action (which from a certain 'alcoholic' I know, this constitutes 'judging.') Well, so be it. I can take that label too.
For 'codies,' it seems that a certain amount of judgment based on labels may help us recover. Eek - I am going to use a lot of labels here: It's 'sick' people like us that have sympathy for abusers, make excuses for 'drunk drivers', and cover for 'slack@$& employees.'
There are very, very positive labels out there as well - let us all work on being labeled those....
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Absolutely. Love the responses. Much to think and pray about. I used to call myself a Christian but it was just a fake mask. I lied, didn't wabt to face reality, lashed out abd just plainly didn't follow Christ. Now when I say I'm a Christian it means that I'm not perfect but with Jesus's help I can and will tell the truth with no fear because I am forgiven and free. Now those are some darn good labels!
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