Thatdeliveryguy

I asked someone the secret to their sobriety once, and they said Jeremy you wake up and don't drink. You commit everyday to sobriety, you look at each day as a gift, you be thankful for the things you have and the chances you're given, and you forgive yourself and move on.

Thats just it, I can't drink. I won't drink, its funny the secret is you don't consume the beverage you dig in, get a plan, work the plan and no matter you don't drink. Its work......

I've come to this realization after numerous relapses and many failed attempts at doing this, there is no magic wand, no fairy dust, nobody is going to be able to stop me, even the best methods can't help if you won't except them. No advice will save you if you don't want to save you.

This is a real revelation, I feel like I am still on the other side, I want to cross this bridge and find a new place in life. The work scares me, it scares me because it means finding new ways to live. Finding ways of dealing with life that are happy, finding ways to be a new person.

I've been talking to my wife 2 complete months sober now, and she told me you know Jeremy, I don't like this, I miss drinking, but I feel better about me, I feel like I am in control and wouldn't trade that for anything. She wants to put things back together, and sadly I think I am disappointing her.

But I think I know the miracle now, I think I have the cure, I think I finally get it, the secret is I don't drink today. Crazy, its that easy, minute by minute, hour by hour, second by second whatever I don't drink...

Thank you all, I am posting a lot, but really having a rough go of it all and thank you all for your support, I am quite the insomniac right now, haha passing the hours away in the night with music and reading the threads.

Dee74

Maybe I'm tired and pedantic but...

I wouldn't use the word cure myself...I get this mental picture of leaving the door to the past open a crack...and the pretty lights are twinkling through to mesmerise me.

If I think I'm 'cured', I might just convince myself I can drink again....y'know?

I'm incurable. But I can live the rest of my live untroubled by alcoholism.

Sounds good to me. I'll take that.

See ya there, man
D

Buggirl

We can do this. We just got to keep going one day at a time! Thanks for the post, makes a lot of sense.

JaneLane

Remembering "it's just 24 hours" helps me a lot too. Otherwise my head leaps days in advance and sobriety seems scary and unattainable.

I think you're doing a great job and definitely continue being patient and kind to yourself. I like to think that by choosing sobriety, I'm giving myself a gift :-)

IOAA2

Hi.
There is an expression in the program, “we need to listen to learn.” For me it took too long for various reasons, one being I didn’t want to be an alcoholic, lot of good that did.
Fortunately for me I was able to surround myself with sober alcoholics be going to a lot of meetings and spending time at a sober club house.

Acceptance of not drinking one day/moment at a time was such a big step for me to take and then do the work involved in recovery one day at a time in a row.
It adds up and many years later I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

BE WELL

Thatdeliveryguy

thats why your the mod Dee, you always say the most intelligent things, cure was a poor choice of a word.

Thatdeliveryguy

Just one day is helping me a lot, I don't have to worry about tomorrow just today, just one day.

Marcher13

This is good progress Jeremy, you're right it's every day we make the choice to be sober and that's hard work but hard work is good for us and recovery is even better. As for not sleeping ... you mentioned somewhere that you took a walk which you hadn't done for a long time. Do more of that and other exercise in the fresh air, good refreshing sleep will come.

Thatdeliveryguy

Yes Marcher, the doctors have finally found a medication mix that is working for me Vistaril is what I am taking for anxiety, its a sedative, and can put me to sleep but its the first non narcotic I've ever taking with similar effects to xanax, less the high feeling.

Yes everyday, I am striving to stay motivated this time, today back to AA and going to do some cooking.

LBrain

Here's something I just thought about J. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? (Slowly I turned...).
From the Canadian side looking across horseshoe falls you'll see an island. You access this island from the USA side in NY. Nice park by the way - if you ever go to NF and don't spend time in this park you wasted gas money.
Anyway, the Niagara River is quite the mighty moving body of water. It is a very strong current. Also keep in mind that no-one survives going over the falls. Imagine attempting to swim across the Niagara River from that island to Canada. You are one lucky person if you do it. You are also an incredibly strong and determined individual.
The odds of doing it once are very slim. The odds of doing it a second time are astronomical.

I think that is where Dee was going with leaving the door cracked open.
Do it once and be proud of yourself - never look back.

Thank your lucky stars you made it across. Never get back in that river, ever again!

buk1000

Very well said.