I miss him. Should I call?
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
I miss him. Should I call?
I miss him so much. I miss the GOOD in him. I connected with this man like no other person in my life. For the first time, I had found a man who I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have children with.
That was before I realized he was in the late stages of alcoholism, that he doesn't know how to be faithful, and doesn't understand the meaning of give and take (he just takes and thinks it's owed to him).
It's been 3 or 4 weeks since my father and I kicked this A out of our lives at the same moment. We literally watched him walk out of our lives. I was doing pretty well...totally throwing myself into my the 12 steps of Alanon...until this last bout of depression that has had me searching for the light of day.
He has called 2 times since and I was strong with him and didn't let him get to me. My father (also an A) was his best friend for several years and the closest thing to a real father figure he ever known. This A says he's been diagnosed as a sociopath (and with depression) and doesn't have emotions...especially of love (except for children), but he loves my father and has told him and others of his love of him a hundred times (and showed it too).
The 1st time he called me he said he was hurting, but then in a drunken stuper he turned his pain into anger and began saying horrible and mean things (like he hoped that we both die — which I dismissed b/c he was drunk).
The 2nd call was more peaceful, but he was still drunk non-the-less. He kept saying he loves me and my father and doesn't want to lose our friendships. (Which made me think..."Of course he doesn't want to lose us—we were his 2 biggest enablers!" And while I can't dismiss that is part of it, I also believe he does care about us at least a little).
I feel bad for the way I acted toward him and for putting him down for his actions caused from his disease(s?). I love him and so does my father and I'm feeling the need to call him and talk to him when he's not drunk. I am wanting to tell him I'm sorry for the way I acted that night and even though I can't be around him in person, that I still love him and will always be a phone call away for moral support. I hate some of the things he has done, but I don't hate him.
I want to be here for him if he ever decides to go back into recovery - which I've accepted that it is very likely he may never seek sobriety again.
SHOULD I CALL HIM?
I'm kinda scared to call him (even though I want to talk to him very badly) because he is very cunning and knows how to get at my heart strings when he wants to. Although, when sober, he has never tried to do that (that I am aware of). Instead he usually tries to push me away because he says he's not "boyfriend material" and doesn't want me to get hurt anymore than I already have been by his actions and current attitudes towards relationships.
I am being stupid here? Am I rationalizing a reason to call him? Partly, I think. (I have to be totally hones with myself about that). But I know what it's like to feel unloved by the ones you care the most about and I want him to know he IS loved, but that... We have been rescued from his sinking ship by the search party ( called God's will) and we just can't jump back on board while he's still shooting holes through the bottom of it. We can't stop him from drowning if he doesn't want to be rescued, but we can certianly take the hand that's being held out to us.
I'm just confuzzeled.
Any ideas?
Should I call to let him know I'm supporting him and am not against him?
Jenna
That was before I realized he was in the late stages of alcoholism, that he doesn't know how to be faithful, and doesn't understand the meaning of give and take (he just takes and thinks it's owed to him).
It's been 3 or 4 weeks since my father and I kicked this A out of our lives at the same moment. We literally watched him walk out of our lives. I was doing pretty well...totally throwing myself into my the 12 steps of Alanon...until this last bout of depression that has had me searching for the light of day.
He has called 2 times since and I was strong with him and didn't let him get to me. My father (also an A) was his best friend for several years and the closest thing to a real father figure he ever known. This A says he's been diagnosed as a sociopath (and with depression) and doesn't have emotions...especially of love (except for children), but he loves my father and has told him and others of his love of him a hundred times (and showed it too).
The 1st time he called me he said he was hurting, but then in a drunken stuper he turned his pain into anger and began saying horrible and mean things (like he hoped that we both die — which I dismissed b/c he was drunk).
The 2nd call was more peaceful, but he was still drunk non-the-less. He kept saying he loves me and my father and doesn't want to lose our friendships. (Which made me think..."Of course he doesn't want to lose us—we were his 2 biggest enablers!" And while I can't dismiss that is part of it, I also believe he does care about us at least a little).
I feel bad for the way I acted toward him and for putting him down for his actions caused from his disease(s?). I love him and so does my father and I'm feeling the need to call him and talk to him when he's not drunk. I am wanting to tell him I'm sorry for the way I acted that night and even though I can't be around him in person, that I still love him and will always be a phone call away for moral support. I hate some of the things he has done, but I don't hate him.
I want to be here for him if he ever decides to go back into recovery - which I've accepted that it is very likely he may never seek sobriety again.
SHOULD I CALL HIM?
I'm kinda scared to call him (even though I want to talk to him very badly) because he is very cunning and knows how to get at my heart strings when he wants to. Although, when sober, he has never tried to do that (that I am aware of). Instead he usually tries to push me away because he says he's not "boyfriend material" and doesn't want me to get hurt anymore than I already have been by his actions and current attitudes towards relationships.
I am being stupid here? Am I rationalizing a reason to call him? Partly, I think. (I have to be totally hones with myself about that). But I know what it's like to feel unloved by the ones you care the most about and I want him to know he IS loved, but that... We have been rescued from his sinking ship by the search party ( called God's will) and we just can't jump back on board while he's still shooting holes through the bottom of it. We can't stop him from drowning if he doesn't want to be rescued, but we can certianly take the hand that's being held out to us.
I'm just confuzzeled.
Any ideas?
Should I call to let him know I'm supporting him and am not against him?
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Jenna -
I told my H to leave after a particularly bad weekend. He was gone three days. I called him. Just hearing his voice was enough for me to get sucked back in. I had kicked him out when I was mad as I've ever been. Of course, the anger subsided and I was left with my same old self.
He came back promising to get help. He didn't. Nothing changed. I am working on being strong enough to understand that nothing will change if I don't do something different.
If he wants to quit drinking, he will - whether he is living with you or not. Loving and supporting him is something you can do from any location.
L
I told my H to leave after a particularly bad weekend. He was gone three days. I called him. Just hearing his voice was enough for me to get sucked back in. I had kicked him out when I was mad as I've ever been. Of course, the anger subsided and I was left with my same old self.
He came back promising to get help. He didn't. Nothing changed. I am working on being strong enough to understand that nothing will change if I don't do something different.
If he wants to quit drinking, he will - whether he is living with you or not. Loving and supporting him is something you can do from any location.
L
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hmmm... I never got anybody's permission, I just called. Dino and I went 'round with his drug use for 7 years (give or take). Some of the worst times for me were when I thought I'd left him feeling unloved. I called. I wrote. Once or twice it landed him back on my doorstep, but mostly what I found out was that he already knew he was loved. He already knew I was just angry and at my wits end. He already knew he had to do some changing to be an acceptable companion. It made ME feel better to tell him I loved him. When he was still drugging it was irrelevant to him. When he was abstaining it wasn't in question.
So.... if you're doing it for you... the question is really if you anticipate becoming a quivering lint ball facing the super-vacuum of a life sucking addict.
If you're doing it for him... go shopping.
HUGS!
So.... if you're doing it for you... the question is really if you anticipate becoming a quivering lint ball facing the super-vacuum of a life sucking addict.
If you're doing it for him... go shopping.
HUGS!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
since we both struggle with mental illness, i have an opinion here.
i would say i am not feeling well and maybe i will wait a few days, since this might be coming from my vulnerability and then table it. and give myself time to think about what i am doing and why.
i would say i am not feeling well and maybe i will wait a few days, since this might be coming from my vulnerability and then table it. and give myself time to think about what i am doing and why.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
My opinion only. Do not call. If he calls, tell him tONLY CALL BACK WHEN HE HAS A 30 day SOBRIETY CHIP. If not you are going to reapeat this cycle of throwing him out and himn coming back many times-with him still drunk. Do you really want to live liked that? dax
Barn Goddess
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
It kinda sounds to me like you're "jonesing" to talk to him - craving contact that will bring back the good feelings (when you're not angry with him). I think I'd try to adopt the "one day at a time" attitude. Get through this minute, this hour -- this day... Tomorrow is a new day and you may feel differently.
Re-read your post and then figure you why you would want to re-establish contact - he sounds rather toxic.
Good luck!
Re-read your post and then figure you why you would want to re-establish contact - he sounds rather toxic.
Good luck!
"learning to just be me"
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: corner of sanity and ...
Posts: 66
"This too shall pass."
That's what I was told from some Long-timers.
I was also told to journal journal journal! It helped get all of my negitive-stirring energy out to a safe place where it wouldn't act like a boomerang. - They were right, (for me).
You mention depression. If you are suffering from that lonely-empty depression that some people get when the A leaves, service work with the local Al-Anon could be helpful. At a local function a few of us got together and helped serve at a lunchen. My cheeks hurt from
laughing so hard in the kitchen with other members. I don't remember when I had had such a wonderful day.
Just ideas. Do what you need to do.
That's what I was told from some Long-timers.
I was also told to journal journal journal! It helped get all of my negitive-stirring energy out to a safe place where it wouldn't act like a boomerang. - They were right, (for me).
You mention depression. If you are suffering from that lonely-empty depression that some people get when the A leaves, service work with the local Al-Anon could be helpful. At a local function a few of us got together and helped serve at a lunchen. My cheeks hurt from
laughing so hard in the kitchen with other members. I don't remember when I had had such a wonderful day. Just ideas. Do what you need to do.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Originally Posted by Lorelai
... the anger subsided and I was left with my same old self.... Nothing changed. I am working on being strong enough to understand that nothing will change if I don't do something different.
I spoke to my sponsor about it today before I was able to get to a computer and she told me to write him a letter and to then read it to her before I do anything. I may still go ahead and do this - but I know now that it will only be so that ME, MYSELF, AND I can feel better (not him!).
DAX - I really like the suggestion about if he calls that I can tell him to call back when he has a 30 day sobriety chip! He was sober for 2 1/2 years and has told me that AA works if you work it, so if he doesn't want to work it that's his choice and I can't let myself get overwhelmed by the good in him, because it never lasted very long and if he can't acquire a 30 day chip then there's absolutely NO HOPE that there will ever be any good from him that lasts more than a couple of days.
CADENCE - He can and has been very toxic in my life. That is why he is not in my life anymore. But there are a lot of good things about him. I know it doesn't sound like it from my post, but underneath his illnesses he is a good person. He just doesn't know how to live right now. And you are right, I do want those good feelings back, but I know they are very short lived and not worth the bad feelings that follow.
Right now my main problem from day to day is all the good thoughts of him keep creeping into my mind...LIKE A VIRUS I CAN'T SHAKE! 
NOIFS2DAY - Thanks for the advice, I will keep it in mind for later down the road. My recovery has become a full-time job and that sounds fun, but I haven't made it to that step yet. Currently on step 2 and focusing now on that part of my recovery in Alanon.
I have bipolar disorder, also known as manic depressive disorder (that's what LIVEWEYERD was refering to). I am coming to terms with my mental illness for the first time in my life. I'm still even uneasy using the term "mental illness". I have an important doctor's visit Tuesday that will be the beginning of the rest of my life on meds to control my moods. I have been able to make myself stay on my anti-depressants for a year now, but this will be the first real time trying to get my mood swings under control. I am not looking forward to it because I hate meds and it usually takes several rounds of trial and error to find the right ones each person with this disorder.
SMOKE said: It made ME feel better to tell him I loved him. When he was still drugging it was irrelevant to him. When he was abstaining it wasn't in question.
WOW. 3 very important revelations there! That is just what I needed to hear. With your words I realize that he already knows I care for him, but that I was at my exploding point. He may not be realizing it now or may not even care to, but I believe you are right and that if he ever sobers he will know I will be here for him in recovery.
I'm hoping I can get past these "missing him" feelings soon. It's been 3 or 4 days now and they seem to be getting stronger. I am going to try to keep reminding myself of all the negatives so that if he does call, I will at least be strong enough not to fold like a broke poker player. :sink
Jenna
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Update!
Well it's been almost a month since I last posted on this topic...and I have talked to this A about 5 or 6 times since then.
I broke down, emotionally, one day and felt I had no one to turn to and because he deals with some of the same mental illnesses I do I knew he would understand. It was a good talk because it was during the day when he was sober. I told him I would only talk to him when he is sober and I WILL NOT see him in person (because that is the boundry I have to set in order to stay out of his caios. If I was to see him in person, I know I am still to weak not to fall back into the same old same old).
I have stuck by that except for one night when he called and had been drinking. I had recently gotten out of the hospital and was at my sister's house and was very depressed and a little suicidal. Everyone but me was asleep and I needed someone to talk to. He called. We talked about life stuff for a while and then I was able to go to sleep. I also have figured out that if I don't ask him any questions about his love life (or who he's sleeping with at the moment) because that I don't get myself wrapped back up into that destructive thinking and actions I was doing before. We just don't talk about relationship stuff any more. We are just friends. And as long as I don't see him then things are good (and since he lives in another town and has no car and I'm not driving up there to see him, then I don't have anything to worry about - until my dad comes back in a week).
I'm scared that my Adad will quickly forgive and forget and let him move back in with him once he is back here and doing the bar scene again. They had been best friends for 4 years and both love each other kinda like a father/son thing. And while I don't want to come between that relationship they had with each other, I know if my A is staying at my dad's then it will just be a matter of time before he shows up at my door or conveinces me one lonely/depressed night to come over and just "talk" as friends which of course is when I really get weak.
I don't know. I'm just typing out my current thoughts and future fears here. Thanks for listening.
Jenna
I broke down, emotionally, one day and felt I had no one to turn to and because he deals with some of the same mental illnesses I do I knew he would understand. It was a good talk because it was during the day when he was sober. I told him I would only talk to him when he is sober and I WILL NOT see him in person (because that is the boundry I have to set in order to stay out of his caios. If I was to see him in person, I know I am still to weak not to fall back into the same old same old).
I have stuck by that except for one night when he called and had been drinking. I had recently gotten out of the hospital and was at my sister's house and was very depressed and a little suicidal. Everyone but me was asleep and I needed someone to talk to. He called. We talked about life stuff for a while and then I was able to go to sleep. I also have figured out that if I don't ask him any questions about his love life (or who he's sleeping with at the moment) because that I don't get myself wrapped back up into that destructive thinking and actions I was doing before. We just don't talk about relationship stuff any more. We are just friends. And as long as I don't see him then things are good (and since he lives in another town and has no car and I'm not driving up there to see him, then I don't have anything to worry about - until my dad comes back in a week).
I'm scared that my Adad will quickly forgive and forget and let him move back in with him once he is back here and doing the bar scene again. They had been best friends for 4 years and both love each other kinda like a father/son thing. And while I don't want to come between that relationship they had with each other, I know if my A is staying at my dad's then it will just be a matter of time before he shows up at my door or conveinces me one lonely/depressed night to come over and just "talk" as friends which of course is when I really get weak.
I don't know. I'm just typing out my current thoughts and future fears here. Thanks for listening.
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Titusville, FL
Posts: 82
Hang in there Jenna. Read the posts again, we've all been there and a lot of us have been "sucked back in" only to regret it. Stay strong and stick to your boundaries. You can do it! (I wish I did)
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Jenna,
I had to find out what kept drawing me back in, and find a healthy way to fill that void. Working the 12 steps helped me to find those things. Being involved with recovering anons gave me the ability to find others who were capable of giving what I needed. Continue to work on you. The healing of that void takes time. Liveweyered put it well. One day at a time, try to do the healthy thing. Every one falls back into old behaviors. But if we keep trying, we do get better. Hugs, Magic
I had to find out what kept drawing me back in, and find a healthy way to fill that void. Working the 12 steps helped me to find those things. Being involved with recovering anons gave me the ability to find others who were capable of giving what I needed. Continue to work on you. The healing of that void takes time. Liveweyered put it well. One day at a time, try to do the healthy thing. Every one falls back into old behaviors. But if we keep trying, we do get better. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 56
its like a vicious cycle
Jenna, Longlivediva here..let me tell you a bit of my story...I was married (and now am proudly divorced) to a heroin and alcoholic. I allowed him to take all my money to support his drug habits and I had other women calling the house..he DID NOT CARE WHILE HE WAS UNDER THE INFLUENCE..when the divorce papers finally came through and he had to sign (a divorce he wanted and I had to pay for) he was in total shock and could not beleive that I had the strength to end it! I HAD HAD ENOUGH. Enough of the abuse and the back and forth..it was not the life I wanted....I WAS TIRED....my dear it DOES NOT CHANGE UNLESS YOU MAKE A CHANGE IN YOURSELF. What you decide to do is your decision and no one else's..please listen to that inner voice in you when it speaks to you...it does it for a reason...good luck..i KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU. he's got to want sobriety and so do you...Longlivediva... :heart:
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
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you all are so very right. I realized the other day that not only was I obsessing about him again, but that I was heading right back into my old thinking.
I have been focusing so much of my attention on my mental illness recovery work that I let my anon readings and meeting attendences slide. I'm so overwhelmed right now and the little bit of infrequent warmness and closeness I recieve from him sounds heavenly to me right now. Somehow I have to intertwine my anon recovery and my bipolar recovery if I am ever going to see real results in my life. I can't let my alanon readings or meetings slide no matter how stinky I am or how horrible I feel or look. I'm just so embarrased about smelling bad, that meetings seem out of the question. Other times, when I have energy, I'm busy tending to all the things I wasn't able to do while depressed. And many other times, I just completely forget because I haven't even been able to keep a hold of what day it is. I think today is friday, but I'm not totally sure. The middle of the week, I didn't know which way was up or if it was a meeting day or not. Sometimes I just want to give up on it all, but I know I can't. I know I have to struggle because there must be greater things to come.
I hate these little thoughts that have crept back into my mind about wanting to talk to him, wondering if he will call and when he will call and wondering how long I can keep myself from calling him.
It was so peaceful not to have all these thoughts and obsessions about him all the time. I have to get back focused again. Somehow, someway, I have to find a balance to all this recovery stuff.
I have been focusing so much of my attention on my mental illness recovery work that I let my anon readings and meeting attendences slide. I'm so overwhelmed right now and the little bit of infrequent warmness and closeness I recieve from him sounds heavenly to me right now. Somehow I have to intertwine my anon recovery and my bipolar recovery if I am ever going to see real results in my life. I can't let my alanon readings or meetings slide no matter how stinky I am or how horrible I feel or look. I'm just so embarrased about smelling bad, that meetings seem out of the question. Other times, when I have energy, I'm busy tending to all the things I wasn't able to do while depressed. And many other times, I just completely forget because I haven't even been able to keep a hold of what day it is. I think today is friday, but I'm not totally sure. The middle of the week, I didn't know which way was up or if it was a meeting day or not. Sometimes I just want to give up on it all, but I know I can't. I know I have to struggle because there must be greater things to come.
I hate these little thoughts that have crept back into my mind about wanting to talk to him, wondering if he will call and when he will call and wondering how long I can keep myself from calling him.
It was so peaceful not to have all these thoughts and obsessions about him all the time. I have to get back focused again. Somehow, someway, I have to find a balance to all this recovery stuff.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
I guess I would have to wonder why I'd want to call someone who has been diagnosed as a sociopath on top of being an active A.
Sounds like it would only be heartbreak for you.
Focussing on yourself and your own recovery sounds like to would eventually give you that answer.
Ngaire
Sounds like it would only be heartbreak for you.
Focussing on yourself and your own recovery sounds like to would eventually give you that answer.
Ngaire
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Myles, I have since realized that he is not the self-proclaimed sociopath he professes to be. He loves children and animals and a few adults and a true sociopath is incapable of anykind of love.
But that doesn't mean much to me. The fact remains is that he doesn't love me and that's what I have to keep remembering. I'm still struggling with the craving I have to talk to him even though it's been a month or two since I've seen him. I was hoping those cravings would deminish. I'm so tired and overwhelmed by recovery right now, that it seems so much easier to throw in the towel and start living by me emotions and feelings again, but I know that would be detramental to my future. So I'm trudging along, day by day. I know some day it will be easier, but right now that seems like an eternity. I need to feel some kind, anykind of love right now. I feel really empty. And lonely.
The only time I can escape feeling this way is when I go spend time with my sister and my nephews. My nephews bring me such joy, but in staying there, I also have to listen to my sister and her husband fight. They are in a bad place right now - on the verge of divorce. I just can't handle anyone argueing around me right now because my anxiety goes through the roof.
And since I'm on leave from work right now, I don't have that day-to-day socializing with my friends. I just stay home and sleep and watch too much television, because my depression has taken away my energy and motivations.
I know that's why I'm struggling so hard to want to talk to my ex. Because of the loneliness and knowing that I don't have to work right now so I could be spending lots of time in the presence of someone I feel I love very much.
Feelings and my life is just too out of control right now.
But that doesn't mean much to me. The fact remains is that he doesn't love me and that's what I have to keep remembering. I'm still struggling with the craving I have to talk to him even though it's been a month or two since I've seen him. I was hoping those cravings would deminish. I'm so tired and overwhelmed by recovery right now, that it seems so much easier to throw in the towel and start living by me emotions and feelings again, but I know that would be detramental to my future. So I'm trudging along, day by day. I know some day it will be easier, but right now that seems like an eternity. I need to feel some kind, anykind of love right now. I feel really empty. And lonely.
The only time I can escape feeling this way is when I go spend time with my sister and my nephews. My nephews bring me such joy, but in staying there, I also have to listen to my sister and her husband fight. They are in a bad place right now - on the verge of divorce. I just can't handle anyone argueing around me right now because my anxiety goes through the roof.
And since I'm on leave from work right now, I don't have that day-to-day socializing with my friends. I just stay home and sleep and watch too much television, because my depression has taken away my energy and motivations.
I know that's why I'm struggling so hard to want to talk to my ex. Because of the loneliness and knowing that I don't have to work right now so I could be spending lots of time in the presence of someone I feel I love very much.
Feelings and my life is just too out of control right now.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
My story: Ultimately I learned that HE was MY drug of choice. I was addicted to a man who was toxic to me and toxic to my children. HE was as powerful a drug to me as heroin is to an addict. I loved him and hated him, I needed him desperately, I wanted him out of my life and then I felt like I couldn't breathe until I heard his voice and knew that he missed me... and I opened the door and let him and all his toxic glory back into my life.
It was a scary revelation, but it was true. Looking back on it, I know it it still IS true. And it was incredibly hard to disentangle my life from his life, from our life. But once I got away from it and focused on my own recovery, I am happier and healthier than I have ever been.
When that overwhelming need to talk to him came over me, I learned to call someone in the program. I talked to my Al anon friends and they would talk me through it. I learned about HALT - was I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? those were the times that I was the neediest and when I most likely to call him. My sponsor still reminds me that HE is my drug, and if I want to continue this wonderful life I have now, I can't have even a little bit of contact with him.
I know that sounds harsh, and it might not be your situation at all. But it was mine. Spend time around healthy people who can show you love and support in healthy ways. You'll be amazed at how different your life feels.
Hugs and love
Barb
It was a scary revelation, but it was true. Looking back on it, I know it it still IS true. And it was incredibly hard to disentangle my life from his life, from our life. But once I got away from it and focused on my own recovery, I am happier and healthier than I have ever been.
When that overwhelming need to talk to him came over me, I learned to call someone in the program. I talked to my Al anon friends and they would talk me through it. I learned about HALT - was I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? those were the times that I was the neediest and when I most likely to call him. My sponsor still reminds me that HE is my drug, and if I want to continue this wonderful life I have now, I can't have even a little bit of contact with him.
I know that sounds harsh, and it might not be your situation at all. But it was mine. Spend time around healthy people who can show you love and support in healthy ways. You'll be amazed at how different your life feels.
Hugs and love
Barb
blue_eyes18
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: MS
Posts: 18
Oh my Gosh girl! You sound so so so much like me in every way. I have the same problems too with wanting to call the guy I care about who is recovering heroin addiction. We had a great connection, and now he is asking me to be there at the same time and leave. IT is crazy. On top of all the other stresses with hearing people argue all the time and so much other stress, a child to take care of(thank God for my little baby). Iam only 18. If you have any advice on how to deal and not worry so much about him(I know he will be calling sooner or later), then I am all ears!! Best wishes to you!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
One of my friends told me about HALT, but I always forget about it. And the tired part of that doesn't work for me because I am ALWAYS tired. I hesitate to call Alanon friends because while I know they are friends, they just don't really know me as a person and so it feels uncomfortable to talk to them - which is why I haven't called my sponsor in 2 weeks.
I am hungry and lonely right now so I am going to call some friends and see if they want to go eat dinner with me. Thanks for the suggestions! (and the reminders)
I am hungry and lonely right now so I am going to call some friends and see if they want to go eat dinner with me. Thanks for the suggestions! (and the reminders)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Myles,
Yeah, before I went into the hospital (for my bipolar disorder) I was attending Alanon meetings on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then on Fridays I would attend an AA speaker meeting. I had been doing well and in Alanon for several months until my sever depression slammed into my life and pulled the rug out from under me.
I'm still in pretty bad shape mentally and I keep forgetting about the meetings or sleeping through them or if I have energy that day...I'm taking care of things I wasn't able to the rest of the week. Excuses, I know I have to overcome and get back in. A month out of meetings and I feel lost.
Alanon has saved my life...it's a long story, but I would have probably killed myself if I hadn't found the program when I did.
My recovery from codependency and bipolar is almost more than I can bare. I've been out of work on short term disability and the whole time I've spent it sleeping and trying to take control of my life through recovery. I go into therapy once a week, my general doctor every 2 weeks, a phychiatrist once a month and I read codie books and bipolar material in between when I feel up to it. Most of the time I'm just like a lump on the couch.
I start back to work Oct 11 and I'm nervious about it, but looking forward to the socialization aspect of it. I miss seeing my friends every day. I've been so cut-off lately. So unable to make sense of myself...let alone the rest of the world.
Loneliness - is the reason I've been wanting to talk to my ex so badly. Loneliness and a craving to feel a bit of love and a desire to talk to someone I know well who truely understands what I'm going through.
But I will make it through. I will get back into my Alanon program and readings and back to work and hopefully the right medications and then life will hopefully start heading up hill again.
Thanks everyone for being hear to help me stay centered.
Yeah, before I went into the hospital (for my bipolar disorder) I was attending Alanon meetings on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then on Fridays I would attend an AA speaker meeting. I had been doing well and in Alanon for several months until my sever depression slammed into my life and pulled the rug out from under me.
I'm still in pretty bad shape mentally and I keep forgetting about the meetings or sleeping through them or if I have energy that day...I'm taking care of things I wasn't able to the rest of the week. Excuses, I know I have to overcome and get back in. A month out of meetings and I feel lost.
Alanon has saved my life...it's a long story, but I would have probably killed myself if I hadn't found the program when I did.
My recovery from codependency and bipolar is almost more than I can bare. I've been out of work on short term disability and the whole time I've spent it sleeping and trying to take control of my life through recovery. I go into therapy once a week, my general doctor every 2 weeks, a phychiatrist once a month and I read codie books and bipolar material in between when I feel up to it. Most of the time I'm just like a lump on the couch.
I start back to work Oct 11 and I'm nervious about it, but looking forward to the socialization aspect of it. I miss seeing my friends every day. I've been so cut-off lately. So unable to make sense of myself...let alone the rest of the world.
Loneliness - is the reason I've been wanting to talk to my ex so badly. Loneliness and a craving to feel a bit of love and a desire to talk to someone I know well who truely understands what I'm going through.
But I will make it through. I will get back into my Alanon program and readings and back to work and hopefully the right medications and then life will hopefully start heading up hill again.
Thanks everyone for being hear to help me stay centered.
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