First Post Ever - Weekend Binger Needs To Stop
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3
First Post Ever - Weekend Binger Needs To Stop
Hi everyone, this is my first post ever.
Yesterday was a heavy duty day for my husband and myself. He got a DWAI about a year and a half ago and we went to court yesterday. Hired a top notch lawyer and expert witness on breathalyzer yet he was found guilty. His BAC was .063 (barely over the legal limit, he had 3 drinks that night, he was stopped for speeding and officer could smell beer, you know how the rest goes). Anyway, he's in for a long road with classes, community service, 10 days jail work release, fines, etc.
Neither of us drink during the week (except if on vacation). We work very hard, have a beautiful home, travel often and have had a great life together. On the weekends though, we will often binge drink on a Friday and/or Saturday night. We'll go to a concert, go dancing or whatever outing. Sometime we'll stay home and listen to music and have a dance party for hours - of course drinking. We've been doing this for about 10 years. He'll have hangovers the next day. I don't get hangovers too often anymore. Guess I'm used to it. Now life must change per court order. No more drinking for at least 2 years per the sentence that's coming. I know it will be easy not to drink during the week - we got that down - but when the weekend rolls around - that's when it will get hard. He has to quit. And he will. It's me that's the problem. I don't want to choose alcohol over my husband. It will be very difficult for me. I don't know how to do it. I've actually been mourning that our fun carefree life as we have known it has come to an end. I know I'm a weekend alcoholic binge drinker. I don't know how to stop. I'm obsessing about this and afraid that I can't do it. I don't want to let my husband down. He's not demanding that I stop or anything but I want to support him and don't want us to grow apart. So many mixed emotions.
Please help!
Yesterday was a heavy duty day for my husband and myself. He got a DWAI about a year and a half ago and we went to court yesterday. Hired a top notch lawyer and expert witness on breathalyzer yet he was found guilty. His BAC was .063 (barely over the legal limit, he had 3 drinks that night, he was stopped for speeding and officer could smell beer, you know how the rest goes). Anyway, he's in for a long road with classes, community service, 10 days jail work release, fines, etc.
Neither of us drink during the week (except if on vacation). We work very hard, have a beautiful home, travel often and have had a great life together. On the weekends though, we will often binge drink on a Friday and/or Saturday night. We'll go to a concert, go dancing or whatever outing. Sometime we'll stay home and listen to music and have a dance party for hours - of course drinking. We've been doing this for about 10 years. He'll have hangovers the next day. I don't get hangovers too often anymore. Guess I'm used to it. Now life must change per court order. No more drinking for at least 2 years per the sentence that's coming. I know it will be easy not to drink during the week - we got that down - but when the weekend rolls around - that's when it will get hard. He has to quit. And he will. It's me that's the problem. I don't want to choose alcohol over my husband. It will be very difficult for me. I don't know how to do it. I've actually been mourning that our fun carefree life as we have known it has come to an end. I know I'm a weekend alcoholic binge drinker. I don't know how to stop. I'm obsessing about this and afraid that I can't do it. I don't want to let my husband down. He's not demanding that I stop or anything but I want to support him and don't want us to grow apart. So many mixed emotions.
Please help!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Hi Shelkat,
Congratulations on posting and we'll done for wanting to be supportive.
Most of the people on this site have either stopped or are still actively dependent (and that includes me I stopped just shy of 4 months ago) so they might not suggest this but maybe you could use the opportunity to moderate somewhat. So maybe once a month go out with your husband and have a drink which bit tough on him but at once a month not unreasonable.
Also maybe you have girl friends or coworkers you could maybe go out with occasionally, again not often enough to upset your husband but enough so your social life doesn't completely change
The other thing of course for both of you to spend time on other non alcohol based activities. Most uf us who have stopped here pick up new interests or maybe revive old ones - it can often be a good thing
Congratulations on posting and we'll done for wanting to be supportive.
Most of the people on this site have either stopped or are still actively dependent (and that includes me I stopped just shy of 4 months ago) so they might not suggest this but maybe you could use the opportunity to moderate somewhat. So maybe once a month go out with your husband and have a drink which bit tough on him but at once a month not unreasonable.
Also maybe you have girl friends or coworkers you could maybe go out with occasionally, again not often enough to upset your husband but enough so your social life doesn't completely change
The other thing of course for both of you to spend time on other non alcohol based activities. Most uf us who have stopped here pick up new interests or maybe revive old ones - it can often be a good thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3
Saoutchik, thank you.
I can try something like that. He already said he does not care about me having a glass of wine with dinner on the weekends. Trouble is, I rarely stop at one glass. We need non-alcohol based activities for sure. Only thing that comes to mind other than going to the movies is hiking and biking.
I can try something like that. He already said he does not care about me having a glass of wine with dinner on the weekends. Trouble is, I rarely stop at one glass. We need non-alcohol based activities for sure. Only thing that comes to mind other than going to the movies is hiking and biking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I agree that changing your activities so they don't involve alcohol will be very helpful. It's good that your husband is serious about following the court rulings, because, although things seem bad, they could become worse. And, it's very possible that this could be a good thing for both of you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Shellkat. You'll find a lot of support and help here, SR has been invaluable to me in my sobriety and recovery.
I have found that there are actually MORE things that I can do now than when I was drinking. And in hindsight, most activities I associated with drinking really had nothign to do with the activity - I simply drank all the time so I assumed that mowing the lawn required drinking, or that fishing required it. Basically every waking moment was a good reason to drink ;-)
I have found that there are actually MORE things that I can do now than when I was drinking. And in hindsight, most activities I associated with drinking really had nothign to do with the activity - I simply drank all the time so I assumed that mowing the lawn required drinking, or that fishing required it. Basically every waking moment was a good reason to drink ;-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6
I guess this is kind of a related question but do you think getting professtional help is worth it? I was thinking about asking my Primary Care Dr. for some advice...on how to get a better understanding on just stopping completely. My marriage and relationships are good, and I have never been in trouble ( no DUI, fights, etc). Just getting my insurance company involved does not seem like a good idea.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Shelkat, welcome to the forum. All of the things you listed doing with your husband, you can do without drinking. It just takes time to rewire your brain to accept that. Maybe start small and work your way up to bigger things. I wouldn't go listen to music in bars. Or host a dancing party right away. But like Scott said, I associated drinking with everything and I've found that I can uncouple that association. I used to drink wine while reading. I can read again without alcohol. Gardening, ditto.
It does take time. I think it's great that you are thinking to support your husband. He's going to need your help. The biggest would be to not have any alcohol around the house.
See you around.
It does take time. I think it's great that you are thinking to support your husband. He's going to need your help. The biggest would be to not have any alcohol around the house.
See you around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Shelkat
I didn't think I'd have any fun without drinking - I couldn't have been more wrong.
I love my life now, I love who I am and I have a better and more active social life than I've ever had in my life. I'm healthier too.
If you rarely stop at one glass, drinking once a month or whatever is not likely to be tenable.
I realise this is a decision kind of foisted upon you.
You may look on this like a prison now, but it could just be a great opportunity, a great beginning
If you have trouble with leaving alcohol behind, we're here to support you.
best of luck to you and your husband.
D
I didn't think I'd have any fun without drinking - I couldn't have been more wrong.
I love my life now, I love who I am and I have a better and more active social life than I've ever had in my life. I'm healthier too.
If you rarely stop at one glass, drinking once a month or whatever is not likely to be tenable.
I realise this is a decision kind of foisted upon you.
You may look on this like a prison now, but it could just be a great opportunity, a great beginning
If you have trouble with leaving alcohol behind, we're here to support you.
best of luck to you and your husband.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3
That's exactly how I feel. Right now I associate just about all the fun we had on the weekend with drinking. I have to disassociate the two and I don't want to nor do I want to stop drinking on the weekend even though I know I should. What a mess.
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