killerinstinct

Am feeling so sad for my exA my lawyer has said he is going to give him a hard time and request that my exA doesn't even get to see his son until he gets tested mentally speaking.. I feel sorry for him because I am sure somewhere deep down there is a sad broken man who is being tormented enough.. Yes I have suffered in ways I'll never be able to express explain or understand but that doesn't mean I need to be a wicked witch.. I was hoping they'd approve supervised visits however my lawyer has disagreed to it due to my exA extensive criminal record.. God tough love hurts ..

happybeingme

Don't assume you know that there is a sad broken man inside. That is dangerously foolish. You are making an assumption with no basis in fact. That could lead you to make bad choices in the future. What you see is what you get.

I am glad your lawyer is advocating for your child. Your child does not need that psycho in his life at all ever.

maybear

It's probably for the best if it's in the best interests of your child. It would be hard not to brig emotion into it, but I would try and keep your focus on what's best for your little one.

redatlanta

As I recall he hasn't exactly gone out of his way to see your son....and I am sure he has been told what behavior to exhibit in order to see him and have visitation with him.

Lurking underneath the alcoholism could be a sociopath who doesn't give a fig about that child. Psychological testing is necessary. All "tormenting" is of his own doing he is not being controlled by aliens. He has made choices and continues to make them. He isn't in this situation because he is unlucky.

Remember that now is now and later could be a d happens different story. What happens now does not have to be forever. Hopefully at some point he will get his sh!t together and be the father your son deserves. Considering his actions and situation its much better for you to have control over what your son is exposed to than risk him being exposed to alcoholic crazy town.

redatlanta

P.S. Killer hope you are safe with all the storms going on in AU looks like some scary stuff.

fluffyflea

I'm sure it's easier for him, doesn't have to have any responsibility.

GracieLou

All his feelings at this point are irrelevant and not as important as the safety of the child. He cannot protect himself so he needs other people, adults, to do it for him.

Being a responsible parent and putting the safety and the welfare of the child first is not being a witch, it is being a responsible parent/adult.

Do not let your empathy or sympathy cloud your good judgment or what is in the best interest for the child.

LexieCat

Your lawyer is insisting on a mental evaluation before any visitation. That's completely within his control. He agrees to the evaluation, he's got a shot at supervised visitation. He doesn't, that's on him--no need to feel sorry for him.

Worry about your child, not him. And red is right, this isn't dooming him to never seeing his son again. You don't know what the future may bring.

knowthetriggers

happybeingme is right. Don't be fooled. A's are very smart and try their best to outwit you and pull you back in. Having feelings of empathy are not a bad thing but I would tread water very carefully. Lift this up to your Higher Power and move past these feelings.

Hugs to you!

Refiner

You posted not long ago absolutely freaking out that you caught a glimpse of him in a waiting room and now you feel sorry for him bc he might not get to visit with the child you had together for a little while? Man! Don't worry, his gf will soothe all his worries away. Even though I doubt he HAS too many worries.

Duckygirl1

Speaking as an ACoA, I can tell you a few things about being sad and broken inside. I wish to high heaven someone had done a psych test on my dad! This is for your child's safety and well being. As has been mentioned, he may not give a hoot in hades about any damage he's done. We tend to project our sense of decency onto people who have shown no inclination towards decency.

SparkleKitty

^^^^ This. TEN THOUSAND TIMES, this.

Thumper

I got well and truly fed up with feeling sorry for my ex. WTF. He is a grown assed man, with an education, fit functioning body, family, and sense enough to make friends and speak intelligently. He has a roof over his head and a job. If he wants to see his kids, he's 110% able to figure out how. The End.

AnvilheadII

and has this ex, who, in other posts you claim to be the scourge of the earth, ever indicated he would like to SEE his son? has he bent over backwards to assure the child is well taken care of? sent any financial support? birthday card?

or, are you just feeling what you hope he is feeling, and that maybe he'll even come back around?

AliWProk

Exactly. My XAH only seems to remember he has kids when a particular holiday or birthday rolls around. He does not call just to say hi or talk to his kids. He does not find out about their activities and show up to watch. He does not send money, birthday cards, Christmas presents, etc. He doesn't even text to ask ME if all is well. So we respond in kind - with NOTHING.

killerinstinct

Thank you all I am so scared.. I'm going into court now.. Can I just say anyone out there reading this who wants to get involved with an addict please don't do it... Look at the mess you need to go through to clean things up.

redatlanta

Good luck Killer!

LeeJane

Sending you best wishes and strength.

killerinstinct

we came to an agreement that he gets supervised visits! I was so confident and excited because it seems too good to be true. I am wondering am I building castles in the sky or is this really happening? Is he really going to come to the table and commit to this or am I dreaming? I am so sad, I was sitting in the court room thinking how could you my husband sacrifice your wife and child light a lamb being slaughtered for your drink. It is sad to see where he has ended up, sad to see he had it all but lost it. The situation just breaks my heart, for my son, for me, for him, for everyone who has been effected by this.

happybeingme

I am a bit confused. He left you and the child and divorced you. Found someone else and you are still hoping he comes back? He has physically abused you and you want him around your son?

I think you are confused killer. Your ex is an abuser. It has nothing to do with being an alcoholic. Nothing at all.