ConcernedUncle

Sorry in advance, I fear this is going to be a long one. I will start out with a little back story. My 19 year nephew came out from the mainland to stay with us about two years ago after a close brush with real trouble back home. He was mixed up with the wrong crowd and was going downhill fast. His parents had run out of options and he had zero respect for them.

I, having always been his favorite family member, still had his attention and I was able to convince him to leave the life he had and come out and detox from both the drugs and his friends. At the time he was using Oxy and it took a good couple of months before the haze lifted. He was clean, respectful, happy and overall he was a great kid. Although he was now 20 his ambitions, dress and mental state were those of a 16 year old. I worked with him over the next year and gave him some real world responsibilities. He really got his life in order.

As a white kid here it can be hard to find an entry level job, but about six months ago he got one at a local pizza place. He gave it 110% and within the first two months he was promoted to a trainer and then onto a shift leader. He was doing great and everyone was proud. He had managed to save several thousand dollars and he was well on his way to becoming independent.

Everything started to change just after Christmas. He was fairly depressed and upset when his family didn't give him the royal treatment and shower him with the money he wanted to buy a car that was well out of his price range. He moped around for a couple of weeks.

Slowly over the next couple of months he started working more and more. This is when the drama at work started. He started having feuds with some of the employees and became obsessed with making more money. Eventually his big push payed off and he was given the opportunity to be the assistant manager by the regional manager. However his success came at a cost, he pushed a lot of people hard and started some bitter feuds. Most notably with the store manager who apparently had the assistant manager position reserved for her boyfriend.

By late February, he was more of a ghost in our house. There were occasional sightings but they were rare. He was working a lot. He was losing weight which wasn't good because he was underweight to begin with. He stopped eating with the family insisting he had eaten at work. The garbage coming from his room consisted on almost entirely of junk food wrappers and energy drink containers. The times he was in the house he would spend in his room sleeping or playing games. I became suspicious, but I didn't see any of the obvious signs of drug use at the time and he was showing more of the signs of exhaustion and mild depression.

In March he started to come home later and later and eventually I had to enforce a curfew because he was keeping me up late waiting for him. The rift between him and his boss became deeper and he started gathering up employees to take his side in all arguments. He believed he was untouchable by her because he was promoted by her boss. So one by one she fired all of his cohorts. He started spending all his free time with the victims of his attempted coup.

When I tried to get him back on track he insisted that were the only people who understood what he was going through. By the end March he lost at least twenty-five pounds. I was now acting as his alarm service and having to wake him up for work for a 3:00pm shift. At this point I decided it was time for a walkup call and I stopped waking him up for work. That lasted two weeks and he quit after getting written up 3 times in as many days. That was last week.

I told him if he wanted to stay with me, he had to disconnect himself from everyone there and find a new job. He agreed and we talked about finding him a car to expand his area of employment. This is when it started to get weird. He started avoiding me. He disappeared before I got out of bed on Thursday to go make some money with an ex-coworker. It turns out he was picking betel nuts from palm trees to try to sell for money. Apparently betel nuts are South East Asia's equivalent of chewing tobacco. This pissed me off and I confronted him over his new get rich quick scheme. He took off and said he had to go and pick up his last paycheck at work and didn't come home for 28 hours.

Yesterday I had had enough. After days of asking him to clean up after himself and do some chores around the house as he had promised to I decide to confront him. When I went in his room its was filthy he said not to worry that he would do it later and promptly returned to playing Clash of Clans. I insisted he get up now and he tried to explain he needed to take care of some things on his game because his shields were going to run out and someone would steal his money. That was it for me. I pretty much lost it. I told him to take care of it now or he had to get out of my house. He told me to chill out and laid back down on his bed. Thats when my wife lost it and I not so politely escorted him to the front door. After a lengthy evil stare down he said he will be back to collect his stuff later. I haven't heard from him since.

I kept his phone and computer because they are family property and packed all of his things and put them in the garage. There were countless receipts for ATM withdrawals back to the end of December scattered throughout his room. The latest one from a couple of weeks ago with a balance of around $1200. Thats means he has blown almost $6,000 over the last few months. Outside of a new x-box he has absolutely nothing to show for it. I did also find about $250 in used iTunes cards that I assume he was dumping into Clash of Clans. Although I did not find any pipes, bongs, or other obvious paraphernalia, I did find a roll of aluminum foil and some hollowed out pens.

It was when I looked on the computer when all suspicions were confirmed. He was nice enough to leave his Messages app open on his desktop with a mirror image of all his texts for the last few months. It only took a few seconds to find his dealer in the list. The text log is filled with things like this:


My Nephew:
Can you help me out tonight
The Other Guy:
Yeah what
My Nephew:
One sec I'll call you
The Other Guy:
Call in about 40 min I'm in the middle of my meditation class
My Nephew:
Alight born
Bro
Let me know when it's done
The Other Guy:
I'm done what you wanted
My Nephew:
How much you do for 80? .9?
The Other Guy:
Yeah
What time u get off work
My Nephew:
When ever you're ready bro I'll hit the atm
So what's your plan bro
The Other Guy:
I gotta go work tonight so I'm not leaving my house till about 10 30
My Nephew:
Hmm. **** I'll call you soon and will see wif we can figure something out
How long you gotta work for? I'm gonna be at work around 6:30-7 of you can't do it right now
How much you give me for onefittty?
The Other Guy:
I have to see you tomorrow
My Nephew:
Can you in the morning at like 7?
The Other Guy:
Yeah
My Nephew:
Alright but how much would you give for 150v?
150?
The Other Guy:
1.75
My Nephew:
Alright that was a friend asking I still want the point 9 in the morning I'll let you know on the 150
The Other Guy:
Ok
My Nephew:
Yo
The Other Guy:
Sorry I was sleep I work last night
My Nephew:
Can I grab tonigh then?
The Other Guy:
You should grab the 150 you get a lot more last longer lmk I have to grab more if so
My Nephew:
Let me figure it out either way it would have to be tonight
Sup bro
I could really use your help bro
The Other Guy:
I'm waiting on u sorry my phone was dead
My Nephew:
Can you meet now?
The Other Guy:
Yeah
My Nephew:
Alright I'll leave my house now I just want the .9
The Other Guy:
Ok

First of all, what is he buying? Anyone familiar with what he is getting here in Hawaii at these prices and amounts? Next, I am open to any advice on what to do next. He is covered on his mothers health insurance for rehab but how in the hell do you convince him to do that?

Thank for anything you can offer.

chicory

Just want to welcome you to Sr, and although I have no idea about what was going on, someone will be along soon to share their thoughts.

Sounds like you tried very hard to help him. I am sorry , as I am sure your heart hurts at seeing this behavior .
take care,
chicory

INgal

Hi Uncle, I can't speak to the specifics of his messages but I have read about the hollowed-out pens. And the fact that it's all in "code" with nothing spelled out, is certainly a red flag to me. I don't have a good answer-he definitely should be in a program, but unless he is willing, it won't work. You don't need this aggravation. It's hard enough if you're the parent, but as uncle you are quite generous.
I'm wondering if you post this in the friends and family general thread, you might get more replies. Good luck to you!

pilotlady

So sorry you are going through this. What a kind man you must be to take this on.
In my son's case, he used aluminum foil to smoke heroin. It is heated and then smoked through a rolled up piece of foil. Or the empty pen case can also be used as a straw.
Really wish I did not know all this. All I can say is if he is willing, get him help right away.
My son's use escalated rapidly from this form of heroin use. It has been five years now and he is still using.

ConcernedUncle

Thank you all for your kind words and support. At this point, all I can figure is that it is crystal meth or as the locals call it ICE. Its just so hard to believe that almost two years of work and planning for his future can be unraveled in such a short amount of time.

As his uncle and a father of three younger boys of my own, I am heartbroken. I can now only begin to imagine the heartache you must feel knowing there is nothing you can do but watch as someone you love more than life itself destroys not only their life, but the lives of everyone that tries to help.

Hopefully he will willing to try rehab when or if he hits his bottom.

katie44

I'm so sorry you & your family are going through this . It is the most difficult & painful thing to watch our loved ones destroy there lives . Knowing that we are powerless over it . The empty pen casings and tin foil sounds like meth. I would find these all over our house in the craziest places. Of course my son had no idea who they belonged too. Keep coming back to SR , there are a wonderful bunch of people here with much knowledge . This site has been a life saver too me knowing that I was not alone .

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Uncle, welcome to SR. Your nephew may be smoking heroin or meth. My AS has done both and I had found hollowed pens that were burnt on one end due to the lighter melting under the flame. Don't know what he could be buying, either pills or dope. I recommend you keep reading here and learn as much as you can about addiction. Your nephew still has money and will probably not show up at your place until it runs out.
Sending hugs your way. Do NOT believe one word he says. you saw the proof. He is using.

GardenMama

Heroin is most likely, but I don't know the measurements/weights reference. Perhaps meth. His weight loss seems indicative of both, too. My daughter used both heroin and meth, though meth came later.

You have done many incredibly generous things for your nephew. My sister tried the same thing with my daughter, and it blew up in just the same way, just faster than your nephew's story. If I were you, I would not let him back in the house and insist he go to rehab or go home. And yes, don't believe ANYTHING he tells you. Sad but true.

If you need some face-to-face support, consider going to a Naranon meeting. You will likely find some very experienced family members.
Nar-Anon Family Groups

Aloha NFG
1212 University Avenue
Honolulu, Hawaii 96826 United States
Code: 15001
Group Type: Nar-Anon
Location Name: Church of the Crossroads
Day/Time: Fri 8:00PM

There's also soberfamilies.com - great material there, too.

Keep posting! We are here for you...lots of family members who've walked this path.

Ileana

Since you are from Hawaii- my concern would be crystal meth (known as ice). Hawaii has been crippled by crystal meth addiction. Just crippled. Aluminum foil, weight loss, disappear for days, then return to sleep, would fit, he is probably smoking it. If it is ice don't let him back in your home, ice and the lack of sleep "screws" with the mind, and he will become violent.