Joli

My husband is functional alcoholic and pot smoker. He is 55 and has been using this stuff since he was 18. In his mind, these two items are just vices! He retired last year after 30 years working and started collecting his pension. He tried to convince me to let him retire as he had a new job lined up. It would double the amount of money he was bringing home. The extra money could pay for surf trips, date nights, or improvements to our country property.

Fast-forward to this year, 2015, 2 weeks ago. After 9 months, he was let go from his job. This job did not drug-test before hiring. I think he went to garage to take pot hit every morning before going to work.

In 2 weeks, he has not applied for any jobs, and reluctantly registered for unemployment on Friday. At marriage counseling, he said he wanted to take some time to figure out what to do. Today I saw he is seriously considering going to full-time retirement. Losing his job threw him for a loop and humbled him!

During this initial unemployment time, he has doubled the amount of beer he is drinking. He got a new bag of green and it is almost gone after 1 1/2 weeks. It use to last for 2 months. When he is out of green, he is irritable, has crazy dreams, gets cranky and more verbally abusive. I do not like to be around him when he is not medicated! He has never done AA or any detox. They are vices and he can quit anytime.

I am the same age and work full-time corporate job. I have always brought home the most money in the 18 years we have been together/married.

What should I expect from full-time retirement and the use of beer and weed? He never asks when can I retire. It is always about him.

Will the drinking and potting continue? Should I make him move out and go to cabin? Should I cut my losses and run for the hills? I go to Al-Anon, so trying to use those resources.

happybeingme

Of course the drinking and smoking will continue. They will get worse as you have seen from the amount of pot he has already gone through. He is irritable when he is out of pot not because he is out of his medicine but because he is jonsing.

Today, right now is as good as it gets with him. Unless he wants to quit he will worsen.

BlueChair

It sounds to me like he is using more to deal with his emotions and the life changes of retirement, not having the stability of his old job, lack of structure, and maybe even some depression? Maybe a good starting point would be to ask him to discuss what he envisions his retirement to look like. I think he needs to maybe find purpose again in something, otherwise the slide may continue.

thequest

I see the same combinations with the problem one here. He's middle aged and started drinking and "partying" in his teens. He too has a half century in. I sometimes wonder if his no job situation is related to pot use because he thinks he can always game the system but if he doesn't cheat right or at the right time he will fail the test.

His pot use has increased but so has the steroid use. I see it as trying to hang on to his youth. Also the last time he was hired for a job the physical & drug test time tended to be given ahead of time. I've applied for jobs over the last decade or so where they send you for a drug test immediately after the interview.

I think if the company announces a drug testing policy or they declare the place a DFWP or drug free work place they can test after the hiring process if needed.