searching peace

I am so excited! Today I close on my future home for me and my children. I am bursting with anticipation. We have kept everything quite and the kids are not even telling close friends. We will begin to move our things out of the house today. I'm waiting until STBXAH is out of town before I have movers come for the big things. I don't want him driving by and seeing us moving out. He is still not allowed at the house by the pfa but he drives by all of the time. He is in the "honeymoon" cycle with the abuse and has told me he wants to try for two weeks and if he is happy with me for those two weeks, then he will consider dropping the divorce. So for right now, he is being as nice as he is capable of being. This allows me to hopefully move the kids and I out and be gone before he realizes. The store I was working in closed, so my next step is to find a job. I have been so afraid for so long, I don't know what it will be like to be able to breath and relax in our new home. It is not even 1/3 as big as our home now. But it will be perfect for us. The children haven't seen it yet. My youngest daughter is already picking out wall colors that she likes and is getting excited to be there. This is the first time in 50 years that I haven't lived in someone else's home. It will be my children and mine and no one will be able to take it away or kick us out of our own home ever again. I'm so excited I might do a cartwheel in the back yard!!

Duckygirl1

This made me smile so much!!! A thousand blessings on your family and new home!!!! Hugs!

SeriousKarma

This is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't hurt yourself doing those cartwheels. Moving is hard work, and you'll need to be in tip-top shape.

LexieCat

Congrats! I'm assuming you have legal advice about purchasing the house? If you haven't talked with a lawyer (can't remember whether you have), be sure to run it by him/her. You don't want him claiming an interest in your new home because you bought it during the marriage.

I'm very happy for you and SO impressed at all you've accomplished in this short time!

searching peace

Thank you all!! I do not feel I have accomplished anything. The only reason I am able to do this is because my father finally accepted the fact that we were being abused before his death and he made sure to set a little bit of money aside so that we would be able to have a home. He witnessed my first husband taking our home and not not doing what our divorce agreement said to give me the amount of money he was supposed to. He was afraid that it would happen again in this marriage and he wanted to make sure we were safe. The home is being purchased by my daughter and will be transferred to me after the divorce is final. The money was transferred from my fathers account after his death and was in my daughters account. So it is clearly inheritance after we were separated and was specifically for my children's well being. I consulted with a friend of mine here who is a lawyer. He is not the lawyer representing me in the divorce. I didn't want to take any chance of this coming out in court or him being able to find us. Oh and for anyone reading this, State Farm insurance has a new policy put in place that they go to extra lengths and have safe guards set up if you are in a DV situation they can make sure your identity and address is hidden from anyone. We have State Farm insurance on our existing home and cars through my STBXAH, but through this new policy, he won't be able to find out anything. This would be true on renters insurance as well. I do not want him to ever know where we are after this. Not unless he goes to batterers intervention program for two years and makes significant changes. So I guess I have a better chance of hell freezing over first!

LexieCat

OK, well, make sure your divorce lawyer knows about it. You may have to have some kind of order in place to avoid an "interference with custody" or "parental kidnapping" charge. I don't know the law where you live, but usually, unless there is a dire emergency requiring concealment for the physical safety of children, one parent cannot conceal their whereabouts from the other.

I'm not saying you don't have legitimate concerns, but you haven't mentioned physical violence (that I recall), and I just don't want to see you setting yourself up for legal problems. You definitely need to run it by your divorce lawyer if you plan to take the kids and not tell him where they are.

Florence

I hope you do fifty cartwheels through the backyard.

Refiner

Congratulations Searching!!!! This makes me SO happy FOR YOU! I can just imagine him picking his jaw up off the ground when he realizes you've left him in the dust!!!

searching peace

Thank you Lexicat. But, These are my children from my first marriage. Their father has no contact with my girls and only sees my son on occasion. And yes with my STBXAH there was several incidents of physical violence. The night he was arrested he didn't lay a hand on me so maybe that is why you thought that. Thanks again for your always thoughtful and knowledgeable input. We are lucky to have someone with your knowledge and background on this forum.

searching peace

Refiner, I laughed when I read your post. But, I do not want to be anywhere around him when he realizes this. If I thought he was angry before, I cannot imagine now.

LexieCat

OK, great, thanks for clearing that up. Sounds like you are being very smart and careful. Good job!!

Refiner

Searching... I went back and read ALL your posts in every thread you started. And I just want to say W.O.W.!!! Talk about a strong woman who took years of trashing at the hands of a so-called "husband -- including physical violence, verbal abuse, financial abuse and isolation, you with ZERO support, and suicidal thinking the world would be better off without you. And look at you now!!!! You are going to move in to your very own home that's safe and secure and hold down your own loving environment fort with the kids you still have at home! You have officially been able to step off the Crazy Train. When should the divorce be final? And have you been able to tell those horrible clothing store people to F themselves and get a different job? YOU ROCK!!!!!

firebolt

SO SO happy for you and your family!!! ENJOY, you all deserve it so much!

noinsanity2423

It takes a lot of foresight and willpower to step out of denial and leave a toxic relationship. Most people never see it and stay in it forever. It takes guts to do what you did. I'm happy to know that you got out. You don't need to be with someone who hurts you. That first post really helped me, too, because my counselor talked about the different stages of domestic verbal abuse that I went through with my ex fiancé, i.e. the "honeymoon, tension-building, and battering" stages. You're not alone! It happened to me, and I'm a dude.

PHIZ007

Congratulations searching peace. I am so happy for you and your children!

Loved your uplifting post...positive, courageous and full of hope for so many of us.

We are all doing cartwheels with you!

Enjoy the peace and serenity in your very own place.

Take care Phiz