Drunken House-guests?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Drunken House-guests?
Good morning!
How do you handle house-guests that want to come "vacation" at your house and drink up a storm?
I have a younger sister that wants to come, and her idea of a good time involves a case of Miller Lite! And a straw!
She lives about 5 hours away, so would like to stay with me for a 3 day weekend....
I am only 5 months in, and usually feel quite strong in my quit, but this might be a bit too much.
Do I tell her I would love to see her, but this is a non-drinking house now????
I don't mind being around people who have a couple of drinks at restaurants, or even here....but don't know how I draw that line.......
How do you handle house-guests that want to come "vacation" at your house and drink up a storm?
I have a younger sister that wants to come, and her idea of a good time involves a case of Miller Lite! And a straw!
She lives about 5 hours away, so would like to stay with me for a 3 day weekend....
I am only 5 months in, and usually feel quite strong in my quit, but this might be a bit too much.
Do I tell her I would love to see her, but this is a non-drinking house now????
I don't mind being around people who have a couple of drinks at restaurants, or even here....but don't know how I draw that line.......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Your house. Anything that makes you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable is completely off limits. Having others use your living room as a make-shift nightclub is probably something you'd prefer not to happen.
Does your sister know about your struggles and new commitment to sobriety? If not, now might be the time to have that discussion. Most people don't need to be told to keep their drinking in check once they understand you are in recovery.
Does your sister know about your struggles and new commitment to sobriety? If not, now might be the time to have that discussion. Most people don't need to be told to keep their drinking in check once they understand you are in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 340
Not sure that I would like that situation much.
I think I would have to lay down some ground rules. A big part of sobriety has been a new found respect for myself and that means establishing boundaries.
But there are people on here that stay sober whilst family members continue to drink so maybe they have some advice.
Good luck
I think I would have to lay down some ground rules. A big part of sobriety has been a new found respect for myself and that means establishing boundaries.
But there are people on here that stay sober whilst family members continue to drink so maybe they have some advice.
Good luck
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by newpage119 
Do I tell her I would love to see her, but this is a non-drinking house now????
What will you do if she comes and, once at your place, decides to drink anyway? Or steer the activities to those that revolve around alcohol?
It would be good if you have the whole weekend plotted out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
My house, my rules.
I recall years ago I was dating someone. Her BIL was in "the program". And when they visited, nobody but nobody was allowed to drink. And this was not even their house. But the respect of the family for this person was enormous.
Too bad others cannot grasp that concept.
I'd say, if you wanna drink through a straw, make it a strawberry milkshake.
I recall years ago I was dating someone. Her BIL was in "the program". And when they visited, nobody but nobody was allowed to drink. And this was not even their house. But the respect of the family for this person was enormous.
Too bad others cannot grasp that concept.
I'd say, if you wanna drink through a straw, make it a strawberry milkshake.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Letting her know about your sobriety before we visits is important. She'll either respect that and choose not to drink around you or she may decide not to come- who knows. But having her carry on like she sounds accustomed to do would not be a good idea.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by newpage119
....but don't know how I draw that line.......
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
It takes a while to establish boundaries with others that knew us as drinkers. Today alcohol does not pass the doorstep. We get bombarded with messages telling us drinking is OK so my house is my place of refuge. It is a place I do need to worry about alcohol.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
I wouldn't allow alcohol in my house. It's my house and it makes me uncomfortable, so no way.
It's a hard conversation to have but you really
need to protect your sobriety and your sister should absolutely respect this.
It's a hard conversation to have but you really
need to protect your sobriety and your sister should absolutely respect this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Yep, people have house rules all of the time such as "no shoes in the house" or "no smoking in or around my house" or "don't pee in the pool." So I don't see how "alcohol free home" is any different. Your house, your rules.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by newpage119
Good morning!
How do you handle house-guests that want to come "vacation" at your house and drink up a storm?
I have a younger sister that wants to come, and her idea of a good time involves a case of Miller Lite! And a straw!
She lives about 5 hours away, so would like to stay with me for a 3 day weekend....
I am only 5 months in, and usually feel quite strong in my quit, but this might be a bit too much.
Do I tell her I would love to see her, but this is a non-drinking house now????
I don't mind being around people who have a couple of drinks at restaurants, or even here....but don't know how I draw that line.......
How do you handle house-guests that want to come "vacation" at your house and drink up a storm?
I have a younger sister that wants to come, and her idea of a good time involves a case of Miller Lite! And a straw!
She lives about 5 hours away, so would like to stay with me for a 3 day weekend....
I am only 5 months in, and usually feel quite strong in my quit, but this might be a bit too much.
Do I tell her I would love to see her, but this is a non-drinking house now????
I don't mind being around people who have a couple of drinks at restaurants, or even here....but don't know how I draw that line.......
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
When my younger sister comes to visit, her bottles of wine and beer and booze come with her. She's in her twenties and hits it pretty hard. Because I don't get to see her much I've just accepted it a couple of times but made it clear to her I don't drink.
That's been a little tough, but it's also actually just reinforced my commitment to sobriety. Watching her get all sloshed is like looking in a rear view mirror at myself and only makes me more sure that sober is the way for me.
That's been a little tough, but it's also actually just reinforced my commitment to sobriety. Watching her get all sloshed is like looking in a rear view mirror at myself and only makes me more sure that sober is the way for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Thank you everyone for the great advice.....I was thinking of telling her that I am sober now, and so is the house......so she can make her own decision if she wants to have a couple of sober days....
Just wanted advice to be sure I wasn't overreacting! THANKS!
Just wanted advice to be sure I wasn't overreacting! THANKS!
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