damaged4life

I have always had a difficult relationship with alcohol. In my early 20's a drank quite a bit and it always led to problems...blackouts, doing things I would not normally do and damaging relationships. Then I became a mom and things somewhat changed...since then I've always drank from time to time, but many times it would lead to a blackout. My kids have seen my drunk, which is a horrible to say and knowing that just makes me hate myself. Of course, then there would be times I could have a drink or two and things would be good, so that would lead me to think I can handle drinking once awhile. Well, eventually that false belief turned into another night of not remembering what happened. Since recently moving closer to family and friends, nearly a year ago, I have drank more during this time which I'm not proud of. Over this past weekend, I was with family and one of my kids and I cannot remember much of what happened, THEN I went out with a family member. I only remember bits and pieces of the night and I hate not knowing what happened. I ended up doing something I'm not proud of and highly embarrassed to talk about and I just can't deal with it right now. I have literally wasted the last two and half days being depressed and just wanting to hide out (I work at home so this is easy to do). I mean if I did not have my kids, I just don't think I could live with myself. I've had similar feelings before and vowed to never drink again, then I think I can handle it, and the cycle starts over. And it's difficult when everyone I know, including family, likes to drink. I only get the urge to drink every so often...I can get months and months without wanting a drink, then I feel like I need/want it and I don't want to feel that way any longer. So, here I am because I don't have anyone that I can honestly talk to, but I know that I just don't want to drink because it has always led to me not feeling good about myself.

*sorry for the long post!

ZaBoozer

Welcome. You have come to the right place. As long as you want to quit, you will find plenty of support here. Don't beat yourself up about the things you have done while you were drunk. That is the drunk you. This is the sober you. Two different people.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Well, feel good about coming here and being ready to tackle the drinking problem. It is not unusual that we decide to quit then decide we don't have a problem and its okay to drink. In fact, it's common, so much so that it is a characteristic of alcoholism.

Commit to sobriety, truly commit, and accept that you will never drink it and it won't be as easy to talk yourself back into drinking.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

RDBplus3

Damaged 4 Life...NOT

Damaged by Life and a Self-Will Run Riot - YES, that WAS me.

God renews Alcoholics and Addicts. The 12 Step program of AA is the method that brought the MIRACLE of Renewal in me...and it is how I maintain this wonderful condition.

RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE....and I KNOW you can be 2 ...Renewed 4 Life!

Soberwolf

Welcome Damaged

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR! You will find lots of understanding and support here, damaged4life. And you will come to find that you aren't damaged for life, you just need to make some changes.