Sasha4

I often start or finish my posts with 'I don't know why I am posting this' and this applies here.

I just find at the moment I am feeling really sad and really flat.

I'm not working at the moment, so I am on my own a lot.
However, I feel thats probably for the best, as I'm not really good company.

I sometimes struggle with a feeling of 'whats the point?'
It makes me feel bad to think this way as I have a daughter.

Its almost like I want to apply a big 'so what?' to everything at the moment.

I've resigned myself to living how my life is now for the long term.
Its not bad, I have lots to be grateful for.
I don't envisage having another relationship as I go nowhere to meet anyone.

It does worry me how flat and unexcited I am about life.
I shouldn't feel like it when I have a child. I feel bad that I do have the thoughts I have.

The only way I can expand on the thoughts is to that I get very little joy out of anything.

I'm happy I don't drink anymore, but with it there seems to have come some very difficult questions about what is the point.

I was thinking the other day about people who have bucket lists of things they would like to do.
All I could think was if I had anything I wanted to do or see, which I don't think I have, I doubt I would have any satisfaction ticking them off my list when I had done them.

Does anyone else get these feelings and how do you cope with them or sort them out when you do get them?

Sorry, sorry, sorry

saoutchik

I can understand Sasha, as much as you love your daughter she is a child and so if you are not having much contact with other adults at the moment then you are lacking in stimulation.

Maybe you could try somewhere like your local library, they often have things there that are free or low cost and where you get to meet people. It's a bit like not being hungry but having a big dinner in front of you, sometimes you have to make a start to awaken the appetite.

I hope the feeling pass Sasha

Bmac

Yup. I have those feelings now and then. I too have a son who is 15 and I often feel guilty when I get those thoughts.

Here's what I did. I changed the way I perceived those thoughts. I did not try to get rid of them, just change what they meant to me. Now when I have those, "What's it all for?" thoughts, my immediate response is, "It's for whatever I want it to be"

Sobriety has given me a blank canvas on which I can paint whatever picture I want my life to be. My old life drinking had no meaning except when to drink again. I am still unsure what meaning I have in my sober life, but what I do know is that I can make it mean whatever I want it to. I don't have all the answers right now. I'm not sure what picture I want to paint. I just know that I have an abundance of choices.

Thepatman

I can relate, and feel the same.

Soberwolf

Hi Sasha since ive been here you have been such a good friend to me im sorry you feel like this could this be depression ?

if it persists talk to a Dr

Here is a link on things to do to see if anything might spark an interest

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Pm if you ever want to talk Sasha im really grateful to have you as a friend

Dee74

Sasha

D

Anna

Sasha, I really hope that you talk to your dr about this depression.

Mountainmanbob

I think that true happiness can only be found and kept when we are seeking a Higher Power with all of our hearts.

Also, the best way for me to get out of the oh poor me's is to list and think about the things that I'm grateful for.

Many people in this world would love to be sober and have a child.

Mountainman

Ruby2

Hi Sasha, I'm sorry you feel low. I've got two kids and for a few months I was really low with the "is this all there is?" For me it has improved. I put it down as growing pains in sobriety. Finding my way.

I seem to remember your daughter is quite young. Is she in school? My daughter's teacher is always looking for parents to read to the students or volunteer in the classroom. Or programs for parents and children.

Hugs. It's hard. Perhaps see your doctor but it will pass.

HeadLump

Sasha, from all I've seen of you on this site, you're bright, warm, caring and determined - and your daughter is lucky to have you as a mum and a role model

But I agree with the others, this sounds like depression and your doctor may well be able to help xxxx

JaneLane

Hi sasha

You have no need to apologise at all, this is a safe place and I've seen your posts around the forum and I think you're a very giving person.

I'd speak to your doctor about how you're feeling. They usually have access to amazing resources and maybe a therapist could help a lot. My previous therapist changed my life.

There's no shame in asking for help and there's no should or shouldn't when it comes to your feelings :-)

Mountainmanbob

My wife teaches third grade. She really appreciates these ones who volunteer in the classroom. Any hours given from your day at any time are more than welcomed.

MM

Sasha4

Thanks everyone.

I have suffered from depression for years and I am prescribed medication.

I have something I worry about with my child.
I worry she has no friends at school.
I constantly question her about who she has sat with at lunch. Who she has played with. Who she likes as a friend. If she feels lonely. If she feels included.
I have mentioned it to the teacher and she says she does not have one special friend but she gets on with all the other children.
She is new to the class and she started in Sept 2014.
She is only 5 years old.
There are 2 boys she knows who are also new and they tend to play together a lot without her which is normal. They don't play with her as much and I'm okay reassuring her with the fact that they are boys and thats what boys do.

I don't want to give too many details as someone might read it and realise who I am.
When I'm down, I think about constantly to the point I am obsessed.



I'm sure its depression related.

Is this part of being a mum?
Is it meant to feel like this?
Am I meant to spend hours crying about it?

FreeOwl

yeah, I've been there....

What I found really helpful was sharing that feeling with others and also having compassion for myself.

Telling myself it's OK to feel sad. It's human to feel these emotions sometimes. Rather than fight them, I'd accept them.... yet also move forward, not dwelling in them.

Take a walk, ride a bike, go to the gym, canoe, read something inspirational, play a guitar, meet a friend for coffee.... continuing to mold my life in the direction of what I'd like it to be - even on the down days - kept me going through those down days.

I don't deny my sadness but I also don't try to fight it or solve it or run from it. Just let it be, while also continuing to work on ME.

Like anger, like the clouds, like happiness and joy and pleasure.... sadness will pass.

Berrybean

Sending you hugs and prayers Sasha.

Your daughter is at a lovely age to fit into the class - when I taught in Primary it always seemed that in Early Years and KS1 it was a lot easier for new pupils to fit in. I had KS2 and it seemed a lot harder for them (girls anyway) to find a way of fitting into those firmly established friendship groups.

Is there a PTA committee at the school that you could join. I know that at all the schools I've worked at the people who were involved really got to know each other well - and it's that time of year where there will be lots of events coming up that they'll be grateful for help with. It will also mean that you get to see your daughter interacting with her peers at social events and can be reassured that she's okay.

Please try not to isolate yourself. As others have said, I've seen you around on SR and you come across as a lovely, warm, and caring person. I'm sure there are lots of people around who would be grateful to find such a lovely friend.

When I moved (last summer) I made a point of starting to go to church again. Mostly for spiritual reasons (I find it backs up my 12-step work, and I love the singing ) but also to get to know a wide range of people from the local area. A year later and I'm on toast duty one Sunday, and help with creche another Sunday, and am getting to know lots of people. I only made one good friend who I meet up with at other times so far, but in a way that's enough for me for now. We meet to go shopping or for coffee and cake together. Oh, and we went to an Imelda May concert one time!

Big hugs - but remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. Take care xxxx

Soberwolf

Sasha you are a amazing mum