maybear

I haven't started a post in a couple of weeks, but my situation remains the same. Husband has been gone for almost two months. Haven't heard from him. I just know that he is potentially waiting to go to a private rehab.
My plan was/is to sell my house and move close to my parents so I have a bit of support with my baby. It's a very long way away from where I am now.
So my mum has been looking at houses for me and sending me pictures. It's hard and expensive for me to get there with my 1 year old every time I see one I like, it's a plane trip away.
There are a couple, one in particular that I like. I definitely don't love it as much as my house now but since I'll be on my own it's really all I can afford.
My mum can get the ball rolling for me if I want it and when I sell this house I will fix her up when the money comes through.
This is so hard though. It's such a big decision and I am finding myself worrying that I'm being too impulsive but at the same time knowing I just can't hang around and wait.
I guess I'm just scared. Once I say go, then a cascade of uncomfortable events follow; packing, moving, selling, spending money, and acknowledging and telling people that my marriage is not working.
Also letting go of the house I am in which I love but I am in complete isolation here and I know that's not good.
Thanks for listening.

guava

(((Hugs))) maybear. Sorry you are going through all this right now.

I am certainly not advocating waiting around for your AH on the chance he sobers up and works hard on recovery, BUT, I caution you about rushing in to buy a house. Especially if it's not one you are totally in love with or have only seen in pictures. The move is a fine idea as you'll have more support for you and your little one but why not rent for a year first? You can probably find a nice home to rent for about the cost of a monthly mortgage payment. It will give you more time to check out schools in the area and more time to find your dream home. You deserve a place you love.

maybear

Thanks guava.

I am definitely apprehensive about buying a house but a mortgage will cost me much less than renting. And if I don't sell this house I'm in now I'll still be paying for the rates and water which will cost so much on top of rent. I do totally trust my mum, but it is still a risk of course.

But I guess maybe I'll just hang out here longer until I am absolutely certain that I have found one I love. It's just getting a bit lonely.

happybeingme

Hi maybe at, I am so very sorry you are going through all of this. Could you perhaps stay with your mom for a few months first? Just put your non essentials in storage for now? It is a lot to go through and perhaps postponing the home buying will lessen the stress.

maybear

Hi happybeingme
Thanks for your words. I've thought about putting my stuff in storage, I was just trying to do the one move. But I guess if I don't find anything great I might have to do that.
I think it's because I have my little one that I am trying to minimise all the changes for her too.

ladyscribbler

My kids and I lived with my mom for a few months before finding our own place. We're renting now, and I share expenses with my brother, who also helps with childcare.
Trying to save up for a down payment to buy a place, but it's slow going with the custody drama between me and my ex costing me money every time I turn around.
You'll figure out what's right for you. (((Maybear)))

happybeingme

Sorry about the name mess up. Stupid auto correct.

LexieCat

I think a temporary move in with your mum sounds like a better way to keep your options open. A couple of moves won't hurt your daughter. It's best that you land in a place where you are comfortable and can stay for a while once you buy. She'll probably love being with her grandma.

Only you can decide, of course, but that's the option that looks the most sensible to me.

Hugs,

AddictGuy

there you go

NYCDoglvr

A big hug, I know this is brutally painful and that it will eventually pass. You're creating a new, good life for you and your child one day at a time.

maybear

Thanks for the replies.
I will see how I go. If I find something perfect within the next couple of weeks then I'll do it.
If not, I'll just go hang out there for a while until I find something.
Maybe I'll read up about manifesting and try and manifest the perfect house!
It really is brutally painful. I hate that this is what it's come to. I think I'm still in shock.
And disbelief for the way my husband has treated the both of us. I mean, I guess more my daughter. How could you disappear and not even care about how your baby is. It is disgusting.

maia1234

Alcoholism is a terrible disease. It takes them away from the people who love them. Maybear don't take it personally. I am sure he loves you and your daughter. He just loves alcohol more. I am sorry. You are doing the best you can.

I think moving in with your mom puts a lot less pressure on you to make decisions. If that is an option I would do it. She can help you get stronger and make the correct choices for you and your daughter. Your daughter is young and will remember nothing. But your mom will always remember the "year" together with her.

Take your time and do what you need to do. We are all here for you!!

maybear

Thanks Maia.

Trying not to take it personally, it's just hard to believe that he would want to live with this forever. He knows that I would move back home and he's obviously just going to deal with that.
And probably keep on drinking I suppose.

maia1234

Maybear, go to the A forum for new recovery. See the struggles the addicts go through. I am not justifying what they are doing/have done. But try to put some compassion in to their disease. They truly have no idea of what a mess they have created.

I always want to believe that our A's do love us. Maybe I am wrong. I give them to God, so someone watches out for them, as I can no longer take on that responsibility.

I pray everyday my X finds sobriety, and peace. Not sure if I/or he will ever see it in his life time, but it doesn't mean I can't pray for it.

You have a responsibility to your daughter. She deserves a healthy mom, and that is what you are trying to do for her. You wished it was with Dad also, but not today. So give her the gift of one healthy parent!!