vendetta

My username is Vendetta because one day many years ago I watched V for Vendetta. I really liked the idea of the movie. It was around about the time I began to start drinking heavy. I used it as my username for many things after that. Online during PS3 games they began to call me "V". I thought that was real cool.

Skip to years later and I still use it. But it no longer means what it did.

I have used this forum for the last few months to vent when I'm drunk. To reach out for help when I wasn't ready. In the time I've been drinking I have lost my brother and my dog. But I've also lost me. The person I was.

I made excuses that my Vendetta was against my life. Against my work. Against my family. Against my friends. Against my ex-girlfriends. Even against me. And it turns out my "Vendetta" became a false creation by a innocent being called alcohol.

Well now I'm back to the beginning and I have a real Vendetta. It comes in the form bottles and cans. Now that I realize my true Vendetta, vengeance will be mine.

I just wanted to say thank you for all the support I've had on this forum. I will check back on this post but after that I probably won't come back here for awhile because it will remind me of who I was.

Thanks Again

Dee74

Hi Vendetta
I'm glad you're getting serious. Not sure what your plan is if it's not going to include SR tho?

Many of us started here as drinkers. To me that's not an embarrassing thing or something shameful...it just marks the starting point for the amazing journey of recovery.

D

FeelingGreat

Hi V, it's a process for most of us once we realise we should stop. Use your rage against the bottle. Don't be afraid to come to SR for support sober.

Pipedreamer

I posted a many times on here claiming I was ready to stop, and made it a whole 12 hours. one time even a whole week. Other times I posted on here in the night, hammered and filled with self loathing, crying and trying to convince myself it was the last night. Sometimes being on the forums is hard, because it makes you think about drinking, and even with all the great stories of sobriety the alcoholics voice is trying to tell you that you are different, you can make it.
My point is, being reminded of who you are, or who you were doesn't have to be bad thing. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves so that we don't forget. other times we have to remind ourselves in order to remember how we got where we are, and cherish it all the more because we know the struggle. Our past is what makes us, the mistakes, and the pain, as well as the love and the good. By all means, carry that vendetta, and harness its strength to fight the addiction, but let go of the vendetta against yourself. Love yourself, because you deserve it.

vendetta

Don't really have a extended plan. Right now it's just to be really passed off at the bottle and to stand up for the idea of the person I know that I am. My journey will be my own.

My family will be a big part of my start.

Dee74

Being without a plan is being unprepared. Being unprepared means a higher likelihood of drinking again.

think about a plan - at least take the time to read this and the link within.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

vendetta

Well I can't sleep if I don't drink so for starters I am going to start some laundry and play some tunes. Then I'm going to gather up all bottles and cans and put them in a bag to take to my parents before work. Figured it would mean more to me if I make a commitment in front of them.

Soberwolf

Good luck i 10,000% agree with D on having a plan

vendetta

I didn't sleep any last night. I focused my energy on being stubborn that "I will win this". But it is obvious that not having a plan is not an option. I can't just get mad and stubborn and never sleep till it gets "better"

I can't just keep not sleeping and being stubborn no good will come of this.

Where would you start with a plan?

least

I got sober (and stayed sober) with the help of my addiction counselor and daily visits here. It's been working for over five years now. Altho I no longer see the counselor I still come here every day and it's a great help to me.

Dee74

start with the link I gave you Vendetta.

D

vendetta

Ok read the first part of your link.

Time to fill the tires on the Cannondale.

vendetta

I tried thcounselor thing and I don't think it was for me.

bigsombrero

Yes Vendetta, take a look at the link. Your heart is in the right place, and that's a great place to start. But maybe taking a sack full of bottles to your parents' house isn't the answer. I am sure they'd be happier to see a healthy, well-adjusted son as opposed to a garbage bag full of liquor. Those bottles and cans belong in the trash with the rest of the rubbish, and you can just as easily put them there. No need for dramatic gestures, just get the job done. One foot in front of the other, you can do this.

True recovery is wanting to be sober when nobody's watching. The trick is finding out how to get to that place. Often, admitting to ourselves that we have a problem throws us into such deep depression that we are right back where we started. Having someone to watch your back and help you through these times is important. This is a long journey and there are plenty of people who are willing to share their maps. All you have to do is stick close and be ready to accept help from others as you get started. Good luck.

bigsombrero

x Double post x

MIRecovery

I never ever want to forget who I was. That pain is still fresh and is a constant reminder of who I don't want to be

vendetta

Bigsombrero, at first I wanted to do that to get support. But as I watched the minutes go by last night I realized that was greedy of me.

But now I realize I really don't have any personal support. I'm hoping that doesn't leave me to just start the stupid routine over again.

vendetta

Immediate plan is to turn everything off and relaxed my mind. Hopefully that will mean sleep and a new plan tomorrow.

vendetta

I actually slept really well last night. Felt much better today. I've been studying on how to be better at work and I believe my learnings spill over to my situation here. I had planned to ride my bike today but it seems like it's always raining here this time of year.

The main thing that sticks out in my mind during studying was "begin with the end in mind". Some folks just end up being a alcoholic but that doesn't mean they can't be smart. Now I see why a plan must be set in place. No one can achieve their goals if they can't focus on the road to achieve them.

Soberwolf

Awesome Vendetta