Leather

Hello, I have just started my road to recovery a week ago. I have been to 3 meetings one was open and one had a topic and the other was a 12/12. I have tried to ask these questions but no one actually answers them. I do understand I have to find things out myself but...
I started crying while I was sharing.. It was embarrassing ... But now will people think I am an idiot for it? I haven't seen anyone else cry.
Am I suppose to get a sponsor right away?
They are having a open meeting and I was asked to speak at it... That's ok but like at AA open speaker meetings they say hi my name is ___ and I am an alcoholic .... But as an Al Anon member what do we say at the beginning?? Please help me understand .....

Eddiebuckle

Hi Leather,

Get a sponsor as soon as you can - but listen to what people share in meetings and find someone who has what you want. If it takes a couple of weeks, so be it, but don't let it drag out. A less than ideal sponsor beats no sponsor.

People cry all the time, especially first meeting or early sobriety. It's no big deal - I was a blubbering fool the first few meetings, it is par for the course.

You can't go wrong to say "Hi my name is Leather and I am glad to be here."

Leather

Thank u for the great answers

barelybreathing

Hi Leather, welcome to SR!
I cried at my first few meetings and sometimes I still cry depending on the topic and where I am at in my recovery process. Trust me, no one will think less of you for crying at all. Alanon is for us to share, and to learn to love ourselves again. Also keep coming back, there really is so much wisdom on this site!

hummingbird358

I cried at my first meeting as well. I make it every other week and it helps to know that I am not alone. I have not shared since my first time because I just don't feel comfortable yet. It is amazing how much our group is growing- kind of sad too in a way.

Seren

Oh, Leather, sooooo many of us have cried our eyes out at meetings completely unable to talk Sometimes it can take several meetings for some to feel comfortable saying anything at all.

You will definitely not be judged for crying or thought of as an idiot!

The sponsor thing I can't answer...I never had one.

ninja90

Ive only been to a handful of meetings, and never even shared at any of them, I just sobbed (not always quietly) to myself. After my first one someone came up at said 'WOW you look GREAT for your first meeting!' She had apparently stood up in the middle of her first time there and yelled at everyone that none of it was fair and they were all idiots and ran out!

I too felt weird, it's like being a stranger in a club and not knowing the rules, actually that's exactly what it is!!! You be a pro soon . Alanon was unfortunately not for me, because I really had trouble opening up to a bunch of strangers, so I decided private therapy was a better option. That being said whatever you do to get support its so so important to keep it up!

Sending lots of good vibes your way

amy55

Just know that you can always say, I pass. You don't have to speak anytime at all where you don't feel comfortable with sharing.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy

MsGrace

oh boy. I cried every single meeting for MONTHS. It was a long time before I could share...but I never felt anything but loving acceptance in my group. Just keep going back. It WILL get better

lillamy

My Alanon group started putting out a second box of Kleenex at the meetings I went to. If that tells you something...

Iconoclastic

Crying is natural, not crying is learned behavior. I've cried at Al-Anon meetings and I'm glad I could cry, instead of holding it in. I've seen world class athletes cry and Hell's Angel type bikers cry. I've never known anyone in Al-Anon that would feel that any of these people are idiots.

I had a sponsor and I'm a proponent of sponsorship, but it’s not a requirement for recovery.

No one is obligated to share at an Al-Anon meeting. When I didn't feel like sharing I would say to the group, "I'll pass." When I shared, I just introduced myself by my first name.

LeeJane

At my Al-anon, we just give our first name.

Good job on getting to the meetings. Very natural to cry. Healthy to release some of that crippling pain we have been forced to keep inside.

redatlanta

I have cried so hard at meetings before I couldn't even say pass I just had to wave my hand.

walkinganewpath

I also cry at most meetings. I usually can't finish sharing without crying and often well up listening to others share. It's ok....and honestly there are always a couple hugs, offers to accept phone calls, etc. In addition to the Kleenex box on the table I have a little tote bag I carry with my journal, literature, a pen and yes...my own tissues or napkins.

We use our first names and often when sharing the speaker starts with with "Hi I'm Susie, a grateful member of alanon and glad to be here today".

It's all good...and if you're in a meeting that doesn't feel good then find another - just keep going.

walkinganewpath

Oh and I don't know much about sponsorship either...I've been toying with the idea but am not there yet. I know not everyone goes that way and I don't think you need to decide yet. But if people offer their phone numbers and you want to talk with them outside of meetings then do so. It doesn't mean you have to pick one of them to be your sponsor.

Leather

Oh my goodness I want to thank everyone for the great advice you people helped me so much you don't even know thank u