OnlyOneProblem

My RAH and I recently moved to a new home development and are getting to know the neighbors. It’s obvious that many of our neighbors drink, as “cocktail hour” is a topic that seems to find its way into many conversations. I met a woman and I thought a friendship was possible. My RAH and I have gone to dinner with her and her husband, helped them out with some home project things, lunch another day, etc. In the beginning she would text a lot and was very complimentary to me. I have invited her for tea, yoga, lunch – just us girls - but that hasn’t happened. I accepted that maybe this is just a “couple relationship”. There have been several occasions where she would not respond to my text and leave me wondering why. We would connect again as a couple and everything seemed fine. I would agonize over this. Trying to understand. Another non response happened just the other day after they invited us at the last minute for dinner.

Recovery has taught me a lot. My attempt to have a normal relationship has left me feeling frustrated, doubting my self worth and confused. Finally, I had an awakening! These folks are alcoholics and I will never be able to have a normal relationship with them.

There has not been an occasion when we have gotten together after 4pm where drinking wasn’t involved. When we have gone out to dinner, happy hour seems to be a big concern. Is it 2 for 1 or just a discount? Are you going to bring me both glasses of wine now or can you keep it cold for me? We were seated by 6 – can I still get happy hour? On one occasion out to dinner, I was horrified when they were rude to the waiter.

That’s all for me folks. I will be kind and neighborly but I am done investing myself in people who only offer me pain and heartache.

Thank you to all who share your story here on SR. You’ve made me a better person. I come here everyday. I’ve been coming since 2010. Joined 2013. I don’t post much – I’m still learning to reach out. You gave me the courage to choose how I wanted to live my life. You gave me tools to make it happen. Everyday you give the strength. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Duckygirl1

Well, spotted! And good for you for nipping it in the bud. Those are the kind of skills I want to have. Just sniff it out early and save the pain!

firebolt

Yep - I am also jealous of your skills here! I only recently woke up one morning to the sharp realization that 80% of the people i have surrounded myself with, and spent the most time fostering relationships with are alcoholics. I'm finishing the "what is wrong with me" part, and moving onto the I know how to change it, so I just need to find the nards to do it part.

maia1234

Agree.... I can tell you over the years that I hate spending time in bars with drunk people. Not fun, as I sit and watch wasted people, so I can drive the X home. Not any more. Don't enjoy it and won't do it anymore.

The stronger you become and the more you educate yourself you realize what you did. You don't need to do stuff you didn't want to do in the first place.

Time makes you stronger, as painful as it is. Good for you for recognizing it.

OnlyOneProblem

It felt great to actually acknowledge the insanity and to be able come here and share with others who know what it is like to be in a relationship and not understand how it got crazy.

Thanks for your support!

LeeJane

Good work. I am at this place now and it feels so good to have the skills to weed out the users.